Discover Top Posts Tagged with #everything is noise... everything is pain...

why is he like that

#tw gunshot noises #holy shit Rileymorph posting non blue vio art for once ??????#I think Shadow Link is the type to say whatever will cause the most distress in the room #jhett clips live in my head ngl #obsessed with the background sound effects in this too #anyway the way I had to download three different editing programs for this (EXPLODES AND DIES)#I desperately needed a new video editing software :") my old one was serviceable but it was also extremely painful to use #uhh uhhuh now I have to relearn everything back to square one #four swords #four swords manga #legend of zelda #green link #shadow link #rileyart #fs animatic

do yall ever. have so many ideas for art projects buzzing around in your head Zscreaming at you to do them RIGHTTTT NEEOW but you can't do them all at once and it makes you tweak out

like oh my god i keep starting sketches for drawings and then getting distracted by something else. it is an endless cycle. im literally making a freaking animation storyboard right now because epic the musical has infested my brain alike a little worm and u know what ELSE infests my brain 24/7? UNDERTALE UNDERTAL

and then i also wanna rewrite dreamtale. and then i wanna make a comic backstory for vellum. AND THEN I WANNA EXPLORE AND WORLDBUILD WITH MY NON-FANDOM OCS. i wanna do this i wanna do that NANA AA ANAA AANNAAAA

but then i end up abandoning other ideas and the,n im like "no no wait fuck i need to do these too" and i

skibidi slicers.

#my mind is an enigma #theres so much noise in my brain all the time #i wanna do EVERYTHING all at the SAME TIME #this is a shitpost do not take ir seriously😁😁#i love you my little undertale freaky followers #dearly #i love undertale to a painful extent #its in my brain all the time it wont LEAVE ME #ive been in this hell for almost five years now #i think inktobertale will be good for me.#comeyt pleeaaseeee drop the prompt list #AND MY LIFE #IS YOUUUURRRRSSSSS #drops to my knees and wails

being twins is getting weirrrrrrd

#everything they say about twins is true btw. were psychic down right #dont even have to talk he just shows me a picture of a video game character and i know exactly what #i mean. sitting on the same couch you can feel the movement of the other persons body unconciously. its language beyond words #i dont even have to look at him i can just feel it in my body and i know he feels it too #makes me feel so bad because i know my trauma is passed onto him and he is trying to understand it but i dont want him to know but he alrea #y feels it #i barely have to explain myself. making empty noises #it feels kind of like death. nothing more left to say #when i see his art i can feel the pain that goes into it. he makes beautiful drawings of monsters

Guys i think I'm possessed

#i just didn't sleep right #and i was trapped in my sleep. i was half awake and trying to wake up but my eyelids were tweaking and my hands didn't work and i felt like #i could never sit up. i had a weird vibrating warm ache at the back of my skull #and also there was a noise like vessel's fry screaming but if opened my eyes i would see a paralysis demon and die #was that sleep paralysis ?#everything was blurry and i was in weird places but there was sick doom music #and i felt like there was something coming for my soul but that's probably nothing right #well that was fucking scary #which one of you motherfuckers put me in a situation #i'm so sleepy but i'd rather not sleep now #and i got shit to do #pain and suffering upon this wretched land #i genuinely don't know if i dreamed all of this or if i really tried to get up and move my hands and open my eyes with my hands irl #but it's okay. i got the best method to battle demons. 😏

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

i keep getting the urge to quit my job, delete all my social media, cancel my phone bill, and completely isolate myself from the rest of the world forever

#im dealing with such massive amounts of shame right now #i literally loathe myself my existence is so fucking embarrassing #i hate the fact that people percieve me at all #its actually so painful and having to tell myself not to give into my urges when all i want to do is stop existing #and i literally didnt do anything at all to provoke this which is so fucking dumb like its just #i lived my life and im literally cringing so hard at memories of me today just yk being a person that is alive #and not just today but yesterday and the day before that and literally every memory i have makes me want to sh00t myself rn #i hate this i hate it so much why is existing so fucking shameful #its episodes like these that make me suspect AvPD everything else is just background noise this is PAIN

Also also, god would be down from heaven because It's suicidal. Bored, and unfulfilled and very frustrated

#(its explicitly cuz it built a castle of avoidance and pandering. and the bed it made might soothe the #fear and wtvr. but It still doesnt want to Lie in it. fuck that noise)#the overall arc would be about confronting discomfort and memories and truths u dont want to know about #god having to go to Its own hell. and possibly reabsorb or restucture everything.#give god both kinds of CBT. teach it to deal w pain and not to instantly judge everything

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

#everything is noise... everything is pain...

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