#evil advisor asks

[evil-looking-advisor]

We have a delivery for "llama transformation" potions for an evil looking advisor? - @wizard-shadow-league

Fucking hell are all of the delivery portals not working? I ordered this discreetly delivered and I even paid priority shipping for it. Yes yes, I need those thank you. I appreciate your service.

[evil-looking-advisor]

Hey wizard here! If I accidentally murdered a peasant because they insulted my fancy hat, am I liable?

Of course not, my liege! Magical accidents happen all the time! And wizards are famously very proud of their hats, so it's completely understandable.

Just be sure to clean up any leftover viscera and/or bile. You know, my liege, I have a Homunculus that I believe could help you out with just such a task! Keep him away from the kings though.

[evil-looking-advisor]

would you advise me (a wizard who specializes in the sky) to choose the sun amulet, or the moon amulet?

Well to be honest, my liege, the sun has far more impact on the sky than the moon. Granted, they're both up there, but the sun definitely has a greater impact on the sky.

Were you an ocean mage, my liege, id suggest the moon, but being a sky mage, I suggest the sun.

[evil-looking-advisor]

The prince from another nation stole some of my roasted peanuts. Is killing an overreaction?

Killing him is a perfectly reasonable reaction, my liege. I'd suggest cleaning him in two with a big as fuck sword.

[evil-looking-advisor]

I’m getting gender envy from you blog, your majesty- I mean- the majesty’s loyal advisor….

I am flattered, my liege. One must always attempt to

⛹🏼

Wait wait wh- I swear I just heard it run by. I'm so sorry my liege I must be off, I think my homunculus is after another king I'm so sorry I have to go it's going to get him pregnant

[evil-looking-advisor]

Tell me, my trustworthy advisor, how can I cope with the realization that we are all mortal? After all, our time is limited. We cannot accomplish everything, even kings, even kings are powerless against... Curse it, the homunculus has climbed onto the chandelier. How did it get there?

Oh gods you found it!! I'm so sorry my liege, I'll fetch the cannon, don't worry I'll get it.

[evil-looking-advisor]

evil advisor give me evil advice on how to tell if my friend of years likes me

Evil advice? Fuck them, my liege. Do it raw.

[evil-looking-advisor]

hello, my trustworthy advisor! I believe that my inner circle is planning to betray me. whatever shall I do?

I suggest beheading all of them one by one in the village square, my liege. Can't go wrong with a good public beheading.