#evil advisor things

[evil-looking-advisor]

Evil advisor journal entry, day 666:

I can't find the homunculus anywhere. Every now and then as I'm skulking around the village at night I swear I can hear its balls slapping against its thighs as it runs. But I can't find it anywhere. Last I checked, none of the kings are pregnant, so it's not there, which is a relief, I ran out of plan B pills to crush and spike their wine with. But I can't figure out where it's gone to.

I will keep looking and see if it pops up again.

[evil-looking-advisor]

We have a delivery for "llama transformation" potions for an evil looking advisor? - @wizard-shadow-league

Fucking hell are all of the delivery portals not working? I ordered this discreetly delivered and I even paid priority shipping for it. Yes yes, I need those thank you. I appreciate your service.

[evil-looking-advisor]

Hey wizard here! If I accidentally murdered a peasant because they insulted my fancy hat, am I liable?

Of course not, my liege! Magical accidents happen all the time! And wizards are famously very proud of their hats, so it's completely understandable.

Just be sure to clean up any leftover viscera and/or bile. You know, my liege, I have a Homunculus that I believe could help you out with just such a task! Keep him away from the kings though.

[evil-looking-advisor]

would you advise me (a wizard who specializes in the sky) to choose the sun amulet, or the moon amulet?

Well to be honest, my liege, the sun has far more impact on the sky than the moon. Granted, they're both up there, but the sun definitely has a greater impact on the sky.

Were you an ocean mage, my liege, id suggest the moon, but being a sky mage, I suggest the sun.

[evil-looking-advisor]

Evil advisor journal: day 666

I think I fucked up

[evil-looking-advisor]

Mr advisor I need some help

My new plushie, her name is faggot

But I need a good name to call her around my parents! What should I call her as her public identity?

Of course, my liege. I would personally suggest continuing to call her faggot, as one should never try to hide themselves for the comfort of those undeserving.

But I understand that some of my lords, ladies and lieges live in... Less than ideal circumstances, where such actions would be unsafe.

Therefore, in lieu of this, I would suggest It. Yes, the singular "IT". Mildly unsettling and just odd enough. Or perhaps Cone Snail. I've a Lord who adores Cone Snails and I must say, Cone Snails are quite nasty creatures.

[evil-looking-advisor]

Does the king look ill to you? I wouldn't be surprised if he was ill. It would be such a shame if something would happen to him.

Who the hell are you and how did you get in here.

@evil-looking--knight SEIZE THIS WRETCH!!

[evil-looking-advisor]

The prince from another nation stole some of my roasted peanuts. Is killing an overreaction?

Killing him is a perfectly reasonable reaction, my liege. I'd suggest cleaning him in two with a big as fuck sword.