Vanity - no 17 love actually
Charity knocks again, shifting her weight from foot to foot, trying to keep the cold at bay. It whips in up her sleeves and sneaks in through her collar. She pushes her hair out of her face and sighs. “This is a naff idea,” she says, not for the first time since she’d left the pub and hurried across the lane to Tug Ghyll’s front door. A stupid idea, really. She was a fool for letting Noah talk her into this.
She knocks again, her knuckles aching from the cold and the hard wood. She knows Vanessa is in there. There’s lights in the windows and she can hear the radio playing some kind of Christmas song she’s already tired of from hearing in the pub a hundred times.
Another gust of wind blows and Charity shivers, adjusting her grip on the cards in her hand.
She found the cardstock at the craft place in Hotten after Noah dragged her into every store, trying to find Vanessa the right present. A brilliant one, to fix this. She’d wanted to lecture him right there in next to the fancy writing utensils, but she couldn’t, not when all she could think about was how she couldn’t fix anything.
She’s about to give up, to pack up her things and take the walk of utter shame back to the pub, when the door opens.
Vanessa frowns and Charity thinks, she’s beautiful.
Charity holds up a hand quickly, cutting off the question she can see forming in Vanessa’s eyes. She holds up the first card, letting Vanessa read the words she painstakingly wrote out.
This is a naff idea, it reads.
Vanessa’s frown deepens and she tips her head to one side, eyes narrowing as she studies Charity’s face.
Charity drops the card, another one behind it. Tell her it’s someone else. Anyone else.
Vanessa looks back over her shoulder, into the warmth of the house. “It’s Jakey,” she calls. “He’s brought a present for Trace.” She winces as soon she’s spoken, looking around frantically for a gift Charity isn’t holding.
The music, turned down when the door opened, gets louder again. Vanessa steps closer, shivering a bit as the wind catches her bare arms.
Charity rolls her eyes affectionately, unable to stop the small smile that pulls at her lips. She holds up the sign, another one.
Vanessa folds her arms over her chest, leaning against the doorframe.
But’s it’s Christmas, her next card says. She drops it, adding it to the pile at her feet. And on Christmas, miracles happen.
Something sparks in Vanessa’s eyes and she pushes forward again, stepping out onto the top step. Charity wants to step back, her head spinning with Vanessa so close after so long, but she doesn’t back down against the feeling.
She swallows hard before dropping the sign in her hands, knowing what the one behind it says. Her fingers hold on a second longer than they’re supposed to and the sign flutters away and down the steps.
I started this year with you, it says.
She lets them go quickly, barely giving Vanessa a chance to read them.
But I’m not ending the year with you…
And I hate myself a bit for it.
I know you hate me too.
Vanessa takes another step forward, a protest on her lips.
Charity shakes her head. You should hate me.
She lifts her shoulders up, pulling them back a bit. She looks just over Vanessa’s shoulder, unable to look her in the eyes and see the pity she’s sure is there. The same pity everyone has been giving her the last few months - first, to her face, and then when they thought she wasn’t looking. Chas and Cain and bloody Moira, all of them tiptoeing around her, moving her out from behind the bar on the nights Vanessa comes in. She can’t stand it any longer and she’s going to tell them, tomorrow at Christmas dinner, that the gift they can give her is some peace and quiet.
Noah came up with this idea, she admits.
Vanessa snorts softly. “Course he did,” she says just loud enough for Charity to hear.
But as soon as he said it, I knew I had to try.
Charity takes a deep breath and lets the card in her hand fall to the ground. So, without any hope in the world…
That you even care enough to hear it…
I’m going to tell you the truth.
(Because at Christmas, you tell the truth.)
Vanessa breathes in shakily, the sound of loud in Charity’s ears. She can feel the wind cutting through her but the chill is gone for the moment, replaced by a sinking fear that Vanessa isn’t going to let her get through this; that she’ll shake her head and nudge Charity down the steps enough for Charity to get the hint and go home.
I still really, really stupidly and completely love you.
Vanessa leans forward, her eyes wide. “But you-”
I know what I said, her next card reads. She lets it go quickly. And I was being daft. Like usual.
“Don’t say that about yourself,” Vanessa whispers hotly.
Charity snorts as she shows Vanessa the next card. It’s true, though.
Vanessa frowns softly. “How do you know…”
“Because-” Charity clears her throat. “Because I know you, Ness.”
She steels herself and looks back down at the card in her hand. The thing is, babe…
That my twisted and useless heart will love you…
Until it beats for the last time.
Charity takes a small step back, the distance between them feeling overwhelming wide. A bit dramatic, but it’s the truth.
She drops the card slowly, one left in her hands. Merry Christmas, Vanessa.
“Merry Christmas,” Vanessa says softly.
Charity nods sharply, one time. She picks up the fallen cards, stacking them out of order in her hands before tucking them under one arm. She finds the gift she picked out in her pocket, stretching her arm out to hand it to Vanessa, ignoring the way her whole body trembles. “For you,” she says, the back of her necks burning. “Obviously.”
Vanessa takes the wrapped gift slowly, turning it over in her hands.
“It’s not much.” Charity takes another step back. “But…” She shrugs. “Merry Christmas,” she says again. “You can tell her Jake changed his mind about giving Tracy the gift.”
She turns on her heel, swallowing back the knot building in her throat. It settles in her stomach and starts to ache, the adrenaline wearing off.
“Enough,” she whispers to herself. “Enough now.”
She’s halfway to the pub when she hears footsteps behind her, coming towards her, and she turns to catch Vanessa just as she crashes into her. The cards fall again, scattering around their feet as Vanessa kisses her, sloppy and off-center and perfect, her hands shaking against Charity’s cold cheeks. It’s over too soon and Charity leans in, her forehead against Vanessa’s.
“You can’t do that,” Vanessa says. She’s crying, her tears hot against Charity’s face. “You can’t say those things and walk away.”
“I didn’t want to,” Charity whispers. She slides her hands to the back of Vanessa’s neck, holding her close. “I never wanted to.”
Vanessa hiccups something like a laugh. “You did.”
“And I’ve been miserable every day since, babe.”
Vanessa steps in slightly, her whole body pressed against Charity’s. Charity shivers, the cold replaced by the feel of Vanessa’s hips against her own. “You tell the truth at Christmas,” she says. “And the truth is… I still completely and utterly adore you.”
Charity exhales loudly, blinking back the tears she knows are slipping down her cheeks. “You can’t say those things and walk away,” she repeats.
“I never,” Vanessa whispers. “And I won’t.”
Something cold hits the tip of Charity’s nose and she lets her head fall back, staring up into the black sky. Something flashes in the streetlamp and Charity grins, looking back down and bumping her nose against Vanessa’s. “It’s snowing.”
Vanessa strokes a thumb down Charity’s cheek. “Charity. Just kiss me.”
The snow comes down around them and Charity does just that.
(more prompts)
