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Quiero volver a aprender a respirar sin tus besos
Ex Romance on a Bus
I waited at the bus stop. I'm on my way home after work. I can't afford a car so I have to take the bus. It started raining so I pulled out my umbrella not wanting to stand in the actual bus stop shelter as it smelled and looked disgusting, as if it were a school washroom. Eventually I see the lights of that familiar bus down the street, slowing to a stop in front of me. Bus 59, my bus, the bus I take home every day and the bus that he takes every day too. I get on the bus, sitting at the back, avoiding looking at the man I once loved. I walked past him quickly, I'm sure as per every other time he could tell I wasn't happy to see him. As i sat down at the back of the bus i see him turn his head to look at me, he doesn't stare, it's just a glance, but i don't let it go unnoticed, glaring at the back of his head for a few seconds before relaxing into my seat and pulling out my phone to pass the time.
I couldn't stop myself from wanting to look at her, that beautiful woman, the one i wanted to marry, the one i betrayed the trust of. I look back at her as she walks past me and sits down. This happens every evening as we both take the same bus home from work. I can tell by her swift walking that just like any other day, she isn't happy to see me. I don't blame her for it, i did this, i got drunk and betrayed that bond we had, i betrayed her for a woman that could never compare. I watch as she sets down, as she starts to look up, catching onto my staring I turn away, hopefully quick enough that it's possible for me to have just glanced at her.
Though just a glace that looked in his beautiful steel blue eyes, that regretful glimmer, it made my heart sting a little. All the pain he caused me, and yet he still has the audacity to look at me with such love? That man…he’ll never learn…I suppose I never will either. Just that moment of eye contact, i felt pain, but i felt that passion and love we once had, the love I held so closely to my heart, that man meant everything to me, all those years, all ended but his drunken stupidity. God I love that man, but I can't go back, not after he tore my heart out like that. I still deep down feel this pull towards him, every evening seeing him in the dimly lit bus, his curly brown hair, steel blue eyes, lightly freckled tanned skin, he's gorgeous, he looks like the love of my life, but he's no good. He can't be the one, I have to move on.
The way she looked walking down the bus aisle, i wonder, how would she have looked walking down the aisle at our wedding? She probably would have had a ball gown style dress, she always said she wanted to be a princess on her wedding day. She probably would have had her hair done up in a half up half down look, probably dyed some bright colour, her beautiful curls shaping her face, her dimples present as she smiles at me, looking at me with those seafoam green eyes, saying her vows, kissing me with her ever chapped lips…i can't believe i was stupid enough to lose her. I lost her smile, her goose-like laugh, her dark sense of humour and endless kindness. I sigh, looking down at my phone, looking at the picture we took together on our first date all those years ago. It was high school, we’d gone to a small park and had a picnic. I made lobster sandwiches, her favourite. In the picture she has this big beautiful smile, showing off the gap in her two front teeth. She always hated it, but I've always thought it's just another thing that makes her perfect.
Finally the bus gets to my stop and i get off quickly, thinking that if i'd stayed any longer i may have done something foolish, i may have broken and tried to talk to him. I made my way back to my apartment, greeting my elderly neighbour as I saw her walking her small pomeranian dog. Once in my apartment I lock the door and kick my shoes off, letting out a deep sigh and sitting on the couch. I put my head in my hands looking at the floor between my feet and began to cry. Why did I have to see him? Why does he have to take the same bus ride home, I don't know how much more of this I can take…
