ok!!! I am still mostly occupied by yelling internally while I do real life things!!! lots of them!!! so much holy shit!!! work and school and doctors appointments i’ve been putting off and all that. I don’t know if that feels good or not but it doesn’t feel like sleeping all day and pacing all night and being sad so im gonna call it progress.
i need to scream into the void so here are updates:
dark souls 3 continues to be fucking awesome and im so glad i can finally play it and im gonna keep playing it under the incredibly flimsy pretense that my new PC needs stress testing while everything’s still easily returnable. I got to Anor Londo and I cried.
I think I’m gonna have reliable source of medication again soon, psychiatrist visit went better then expected. so hopefully I can get some chill back cuz i’ve been at 0% for like three months.
Getting back into writing code for real for real has been a lot of fun, though deciding to also jump into calculus after not studying math really at all for 6 years might have been biting off more than I can chew, hence the yelling.
There is a lot more stuff I wanna do and I’m still struggling with the “hey pick one thing” “oh ok let’s do no thing” problem but... progress??? I think??? and hopefully more once I don’t have to ration my meds! maybe even some drawing, though I still really dont wanna force that. I was drawing some in class before and if/when I get calculus under control I think it will come back on its own now that it is not the primary THING hovering around the question of whether my life is worth living or not.
ok!!! Im gonna go play more video game! I hope you all have a good night!
