So I need to tell you that when I saw the vid of Kaner slow dancing dreamily with a giant bottle of champagne, I thought of IGAL!Kaner, happy (and drunk) after the win but thinking mistily, in the middle of the madness, about little Sammy at home with his and Jonny's moms, asleep in his baller Cup champs onesie, and he unconsciously ends up holding the bottle like he does Sammy when he's gently dancing him around the living room before bedtime...until he snaps out of it and back into party mode.
I also had those terrible thoughts. Johnny would have clutched his own champagne bottle so sappily at the sight, ‘cause he knows exactly where Kaner’s mind is.
Have some chatfic that was not inspired by that particular awful gifset, but is along such lines nonetheless:
svmadelyn:(a twitter quote): Never believe any Bar owner that the cup is coming!! #CupTracker can’t control drunk #Blackhawks #disappointedtruer wordsnever typedninjaboots:a bus of drunk hockey players is an unstoppable force for chaosdo not expect reason.i will now think of patrick kane either leaving the party because it’s his night to check on their babyor because he has too many feelings about jonny messily fellating beer bottleseither or.svmadelyn:totallyi prefer to think of this one in igal-verseand they are looking at the clockit’s elevensam’s asleepbut they have not seen him in like, ten hourskaner’s fingers are twitching on his thighninjaboots:they can’t both gohave to think of the team
but kaner could text jonny a picture, maybejust so that he knows for sure sam’s home and sleepingnot that he doesn’t trust svetlana, but, you knowjust. to be sure.svmadelyn:jonny gets a brilliant ideain the middle of his drunken hazehe has the party bus stop at trumpfive minutes guys, five minutes, they promiseninjaboots:oh jfcthey stumble drunkenly to the elevatorshushing each othergotta check on their babydon’t wake him, kaner hisses loudlysvmadelyn:oh shit, who has the key, they ask, in the hallwaythey both find their keysa minute latergiggle at each otherthat was dumb!ninjaboots:when he was brand new, he’d have killed youif you’d woken himkaner says seriouslyhe would have killed you and made you put him back to sleepafter you were dead.his eyes are very, very drunkand hard with seriousnesshe would have.svmadelyn:jonny’s eyes are waterythat’d have been okayhe’d have understoodthey use the penlight on kaner’s flashlightto make their way throughjust a quick visitjust like two minutesjust -kaner is slammed against the wallninjaboots:maybe threesvmadelyn:with a thudninjaboots:or sevensvmadelyn:he makes a terrible sad soundmr. kane? svetlana’s shocked voice asksthe intense pain in his shoulder is releasedninjaboots:you aren’t his baby, patrick says sadlysvmadelyn:holy shit! johnny exclaims loudlyholy shit patrick, did you see that!she just kgb’d you!ninjaboots:he thinks he got it on camera!svmadelyn:svetlana waves her hand in front of her face, clearing the alcohol fumes.ninjaboots:(he had the selfie function turned on)svmadelyn:are you okay, baby, he asks, immediatelywas that his claviclekaner is too drunk to feel real pain right nowninjaboots:(he got a shot of his own face doing confused cow eyes)svmadelyn:tears are formed in his eyesninjaboots:they make said eyes look bigger and bluersvmadelyn:he’s here for his baby, patrick whisperssvetlana sees.well. she turns on the small light in sam’s roomthere he is.ninjaboots:he is still outsvmadelyn:sammy, kaner breathes, perfectly contentninjaboots:because sam will rouse from the slightest noise while he’s falling asleepsvmadelyn:jonny, he says, after a minute of staring at their babycan he just stay homeninjaboots:but once he’s properly outsvmadelyn:sam needs himninjaboots:he will sleep through anything save a barking dog.svmadelyn:look at himhe needs him.jonny nods seriously.their baby does need him.patrick starts taking off his shoes.ninjaboots:svetlana is rolling her eyes internallysvmadelyn:he’s going to be hereon the chaiseninjaboots:not on the outside, because she is a professionalsvmadelyn:for when sam needs him.ninjaboots:but internally, she is judging really hard.svmadelyn:you’re such a good mom, jonny chokes out.ninjaboots:svetlana clears her throatsvmadelyn:patrick handwaves into air.jonny sits down next to patrick’s feeton the chaiseninjaboots:she suspects that if she weren’t here, her employers would end up having tearful let’s-make-a-baby sex on the chaise in sam’s roomsvmadelyn:and a minute after that, both their phones are ringingpiercingly loudno, kaner yells. also very loudlyninjaboots:SHHHHHH, jonny says angrilysvmadelyn:sam does wake for this.ninjaboots:to the phonesyes.svmadelyn:jonny pulls out the phoneSHAWZY. why are you CALLING me at ELEVENyou woke the BABY.ninjaboots:kaner has to kill you now!svmadelyn:kaner can’t even rock sammy -svetlana why can’t he rock sammybecause he smells like urine, svetlana says.because he smells like fucking urine! jonny yells angrily.phone, she says crisply.ninjaboots:sam is blinking blearilyin his nest of blanketswhatsvmadelyn:jonny eyes her. he hands it over.ninjaboots:what is happeningsomething is happening in his room.svmadelyn:they are not coming back down to this bus, she says simply.why, what? no…shawzy says.put - someone else on, she says, rocking sam, as kaner’s eyes hungrily followwho? why don’t you want to talk to me? shawzy demands.ninjaboots:insultedhe had thought they were pals.svmadelyn:he’s pals with samand she works with samso they should be pals, rightteuvo comes on.everybody is very drunk, he says.yes. mr. kane and mr. toews are not coming back down.is something wrong with baby, teuvo asks, alarmed.she hears a chorus of WHATS and SAM and NOSninjaboots:in the background, she can still hear shawzy talking loudly about palsthere is a sequence of crashessvmadelyn:we’re coming up, she hears someone yellninjaboots:it sounds suspiciously like half a team of smashed athletes stumbling to their feetsvmadelyn:the phone is disconnected.ninjaboots:svetlana grits her teethand exhalesshe will deal with this.svmadelyn:zen. she is the zen.she goes to the front doorninjaboots:and then she will have a million-dollar bonus.svmadelyn:they shall not pass.ninjaboots:jonny and kaner trail after hersadlyshe still has sammy.svmadelyn:several long minutes later, a dozen hockey players arriveyou will all go back on the bus, she announcesand you will go to your housesand mr. kane and mr. toews will stay here.they can’t come back out? duncs asks.they cannot.ninjaboots:kaner’s head appears over her shoulderstaringsammy?svmadelyn:but why, is the little guy okay? seabs askssam hiccups.what’s that sound, he make a sound? shawzy askssam is perfect, she sayshe is, jonny says firmlyninjaboots:who has been saying he wasn’tjonny will see to them.he will send them to vanCOUVERsvmadelyn:kaner is making faces at his baby over svetlana’s shoulder nowsam is getting increasingly awake.ninjaboots:sam is so confusedsvmadelyn:shawzy!his mother!ninjaboots:life is very strangesvmadelyn:lights!rawwwrrrr!it is MORNINGninjaboots:poor, poor svetlanasvmadelyn:everyone! home! back to party bus to go home! she snaps.i call everyone in 30 minutes!you’re not my mom, saader saysher eyes snap to hisninjaboots:would you prefershe callsyour mother?svmadelyn:well you aren’t, saader saysninjaboots:she can.if that is what you would prefer.svmadelyn:you aren't saader insistsbut he’s leavingstop looking at himhe’s - which way is outin the end, she is forced to hold up a very bewildered babyand kaner tells them all to go homekiss their babiesshawzy doesn’t have a babyninjaboots:he is the most sentimental drunkshawzy has fur babiessvmadelyn:does he wanna stay hereshawzy brightenshe does not, svetlana says crisplyshutting the door.locking it.showers, now, she says so crisplyninjaboots:kaner promptly makes grabby hands for his babysvmadelyn:that neither patrick nor jonny think anything of itninjaboots:and then, yesis ordered into a showersvmadelyn:they will take showerscan i hold my baby, after? he whispers hopefullywe’ll see, she says.ninjaboots:forbiddinglysvmadelyn:okay. mommy’s gonna be right BACK, he announces to sam.he points at his face.you’ll see.sam yawns hugely.ninjaboots:sam’s little face scrunches upthe monster is still on his mother’s facethe RED MONSTERwhen will his family be free.svmadelyn:teeth, she calls, when she hears the shower turn offshe hears two toothbrushes dutifully humminghears “huh, i wonder if you could use this as a vibrator. what’d you think?”wishes she had not.ninjaboots:then there is gigglingas kaner tests his toothbrush on jonny’s neckto see if it ticklessvmadelyn:turn it to sensitive, jonny slursthat’s too muchninjaboots:her entire life is pain.svmadelyn:wuss, patrick sayswell he’s sensitive patrickninjaboots:kiss it better.svmadelyn:fortunately, sam smiles at svetlana thenhellohe appreciates youjust wants you to knowninjaboots:she cannot leave this baby to this trainwreck without hershe can’t do that to sam.svmadelyn:she feels her peace descend upon hermr. kane is in his huge fluffy robe when he comes outsam does like that robe, at least.ninjaboots:mr. toews has a suspicious red mark on his necksvmadelyn:he is only wearing a small towelninjaboots:svetlana pretends she does not noticesvmadelyn:there are some perks to her position.he may be gaybut she is not dead.ninjaboots:one can appreciate the viewsvmadelyn:sit, she instructs patrickwho heaves down onto the chaiseshe places sam carefully into his armssammy, he says, perfectly happyhe missed you!remember the cup you saw last nightmommy had to watch it all daybut he’s home to watch you nowthe cup is the very best thing next to you, sammyjonny coughs loudlyninjaboots:jonny is just watchingradiating sapsvmadelyn:the very best, patrick repeats.ninjaboots:all over everythingsvmadelyn:smiling up at jonnyhe’s just kiddin’ jonjonny wedges himself onto the chaiseninjaboots:yessvmadelyn:svetlana has to look away delicately nowninjaboots:america is right up there too.svmadelyn:sam blinks up at his mother delicatelyhelloyou look strangeare you wellninjaboots:his mother’s face is very redsvmadelyn:you need a lullaby sammy? kaner asksduet? jonny whispersninjaboots:sam tries to frownbutit is morningthere were LIGHTSand peopleand now should be breakfast.svmadelyn:what song, kaner asksi can’t think of any, jonny frownsthe sheep one, how does the - he hiccupsand that’s how they start singing we are the championsto their babyonly it’s mostly just we are the champions of the world over and overas they can’t remember any other lyricsninjaboots:they are seriously the most embarrassing svmadelyn:svetlana stands with her hand in front of her mouthninjaboots:svetlana gets them both gatorade and water.svmadelyn:withstands 20 seconds of this.enough, lieblings, she says, so gently.ninjaboots:they need to hydrate and then sleep this offsvmadelyn:you have sung to sam enough.ninjaboots:they need to–they need to sleep.svmadelyn:we have? jonny asks hopefullyninjaboots:when they sleep, they do not singsvmadelyn:you have, she confirms.they are dispatched to sleep yesninjaboots:(isn’t liebling german?)svmadelyn:and kaner asks very concerned(it is)ninjaboots:(i admittedly know this mostly because of erik lehnsherr)svmadelyn:(but it’s a universal kinda term sometimes)ninjaboots:(ah, okay. adorable.)svmadelyn:(and i don’t know the russian one right now at two am okay)they are her LIEBLINGSkaner asks, very concerneddoes she think she can get sam to bed‘cause he can helpninjaboots:svetlana honestly does not want mr. kane to stand up while holding the baby rnmuch less attempt to moveshe’s sure he would break himself in half before hurting samsvmadelyn:take your husband to his bed, she directs jonnywho brightensninjaboots:but her employer breaking himselfsvmadelyn:he can do that.ninjaboots:is also not optimal.svmadelyn:and sleep she instructs.after the water is finished.she is gratified that when she checks on themshe finds them passed out - on the wrong end, surebut asleep all the samethey are not under blanketsninjaboots:kaner still in his fluffy robejonny entirely nudeclose enough.svmadelyn:she covers them delicatelythey do not appear in danger.
