#exhaust9

[shaddy-bee]

i wish i could die now.

i think i'd be happy with that

i dont need anything else.

im sorry

i know its selfish

[shaddy-bee]

hitting a creative wall unfortunately.

idk

guess hitting walls in general.

[shaddy-bee]

i dont have anyone i can talk to, i cant even speak here, its unfair of me to.

[shaddy-bee]

really hating the passage of time

i cant even hold on to my own memories, everything feels the same and then i look back and its like all i can see are the wounds

how does anyone exist like this

[shaddy-bee]

idk. what am i to say. everything is miserable and there's a gun on the kitchen table. i probably wont say anything when it happens.

[shaddy-bee]

idk i had some good times i think I'm ready to die now. just come kill me please

my bones ache too much to move and my hand always shakes too much to hold the trigger steady

so i need your help

[shaddy-bee]

straight up killing it and by it hahaha i mean,

my slef

[shaddy-bee]

It's not about if I deserve it.

It's not about the mistakes I've made.

It's not about what I can do for anyone else.

I have to live for every girl who deserved to live, who wanted to just exist as herself, but was crushed by it all. I have to love myself for every sister I'll never have the chance to meet. I dont want anyone to ever look at the mark I have left behind and feel the same way I do, mourning unmet family. I want to live as i am, full of mistakes and still bleeding scars, and still choose to live, so that the others like me can see that a life in pain is still a life worth living, that you can turn the blood into wine.

If I am doomed, a unique failure, then every second of my continued existence is proof that there is hope for every lost girl like me.