#existential fatigue

[eirawritesfire]

The Place That Isn’t Real, by Eira Quinn

I’ve always believed there had to be a gentler place.

Where people didn’t laugh at kindness. Where love didn’t need proof. Where no one got hurt for being soft or different or slow to speak.

A place for the quiet ones. The gardeners. The listeners. The ones who say take what you need and mean it.

I thought maybe I’d find it in a small town, or a city art scene, or a village in the hills.

But everywhere I go, there is cruelty.

That’s when I feel the most lost. Not because I’m alone, but because I keep hoping this world has a corner that doesn’t exist.

I know I’m not the only one. But we are scattered. And tired. And outnumbered.

If you’re reading this, maybe you're part of it.

Maybe we are the place we’ve been trying to find.

[pettyfull]

the urge to just walk away from it all. to vanish. no explanation. not out of sadness. just because it’s not worth the effort.

[phoenixmoonn]

I’m talking about stopping this performance we call being alive. About turning off the act. Not having to smile to look 'healthy.' Not having to post to look 'okay.' Not having to function just to be accepted.

— Phoenix Moon

If these few lines resonated with your soul, my complete work is waiting for you with open arms at the link in my bio. Explore it, support it, and allow yourself to join this journey of self-healing, truth, and transformation. Let yourself feel and touch the mirror of the soul that every word offers you.

[mbti-notes]

Hi, mbti-notes, I'm isfj. Do you have advice for Sun/Mon blues? I've been working for a couple of years. I don't hate my job and there are parts of it I do enjoy. I feel a lot of dread on Sun/Mon mornings at the thought of returning to work. Feels like a rare break or 'holiday' has ended and it's back to reality. 1/2

[con't: Colleagues and ppl are one of the few highlights, but I'm still full of dread at the thought of the long commute, the endless tasks/meetings, having little time to myself, etc. I try to arrange things to look forward to which does help, but I always have some level of anticipatory anxiety. Do you have advice?]

A recent post already included this topic, please read it.

1) Would you say that you have good emotional intelligence? Lamenting the end of time off and dreading the start of a new work week is pretty much a universal emotion among people who work for a living. In other words, it's quite normal to feel that way. Thus, the question is: Why does a normal feeling bother you so much?

Every situation has its good and bad aspects. Isn't it unrealistic to go through life believing that you should only ever experience the good and never the bad? A tell-tale sign of poor emotional intelligence is the inability to accept (negative) feelings and emotions. When you can't accept the dread, you resist or fight against it, and that's when it escalates and spirals into anticipatory anxiety. In your mind, you start building up the upcoming tasks into these giant mountains that require herculean strength to climb. Is that really necessary? It seems like a very poor use of one's imagination to blow things out of proportion like that. How about just accepting the dread as normal and getting on with your Sunday as normal?

When a person experiences chronic existential dread, it could be an indication that a big life change is being called for. For example, it could mean that this job really isn't meant for you and you need to switch direction for the sake of your psychological well-being. However, this doesn't seem to apply in your case, since you say that you don't really hate your job?

2) We all have our duties in life. Duties are things you must do, which means that it is futile to resist them and better to accept them. However, just because you have to do something doesn't mean that you should choose the worst way of doing it. For example, a long commute doesn't have to be dreary or boring does it? Enjoy some music or a podcast. Read a book. Chat with someone. Be present and enjoy the scenery. With a bit of imagination, there are so many ways to make a task more interesting.

ISFJs have a tendency toward passivity. A passive attitude creates a dull and humdrum life because you essentially come to view yourself as a victim of external forces. The longer you live life passively, the more existentially fatigued you become, because you allow external forces to keep draining away your energy without ever doing anything to fill it back up for yourself. Unhealthy ISFJs will then blame the world for being boring and uninteresting, which then triggers anticipatory anxiety or dangerous cravings for variety (via unhealthy Ne). The truth that they can't admit to themselves: They get too little out of life because they put too little into it. As they say, no input; no output.

The antidote to this sort of passivity is passion. Every person has the capability to feel passion, to feel inspired, and to feel devoted to something they deem very important. However, passion doesn't just fall from the sky. It takes effort. You have to start caring more deeply about things, start appreciating the things around you, and start recognizing the potential of things to be great. Only by making meaningful investments can you get any meaningful return/reward. Healthy Si needs to put great care into building a life of comfort and joy. Healthy Fe needs to feel connected to something larger than the self in order to feel that life is fulfilling. These are not things you should rely on work to provide, so what are you doing in your life, for yourself, to address these needs?

[thedeathofevolution]

THEY CALL IT, "MINE." my last week or two?*

i really wonder if anybody feels this much of thought in their daily lives. i know you do. if not, you wouldn’t be here.

it is the regulation of these thoughts that human mind and body can do in order to help the soul. but if your body is eating you alive, how can you regulate? you are on the survival.

even i can say: justifying the solitude by the mask of survival. it is actually trying to survive in this system of mine, or this earth.

but it feels heavy to breathe. most of the time i feel like i do not breathe the oxygen.

i forgot it as i skip my meals. not intentionally. just forgetting. not feeling that i’m hungry. or even if i feel, i don’t do anything. just too much.

but i would cook for you. i would like to feed my beloved ones and share with them. even cook with them.

but i don’t follow this ritual that much, just with myself. with breathing. or anyone else.

that has been some time for that as well. each time i remember this, my body aches. i mean it always aches.

while sitting. while laying down on my bed. while walking. it feels like a corpse bride walking.

but me. me with my own issues. as we all have those issues. i believe.

why is it hard to hold someone to love?

i kept remembering this memory of mine these last couple of days. one time i broke down so hard. 26 years old. rejected a visa to study.

i went to my mom. i asked her to hold me while i was shattering in pieces, crying my whole existence out. she held me. a minute or two. maybe three. god knows. not that long.

then she told me she needed to clean. the whatever-there-is around the home i have been living in for 4 years, 5 months. long, huh? still doesn’t feel like home.

maybe for the last 2 weeks, i lost count, i have been feeling very depressed and fatigued. the smallest tasks feel very hard to accomplish. some days i never got out of bed.

i am writing these lines with freshly polished nails. a useless info dump, i know.

my body felt like carrying weight. back, neck, legs. some arm cramps too.

alive in the sense of being alive, but my body was eating me alive. inside and out.

i have to break this cycle. i need to. i want to.

and yes, i was severely fatigued. but i still cleaned my whole goddamn kitchen. i cooked some stuff even.

these small dishes, using the kitchen more regularly, made me feel a bit happier. maybe even filled with natural dopamine. if u see this sayhifromanywheresoul.u. .born in the late 20th century. living, and definitely dying in the 21st. can i live that long?

can the internet make me live until the 22nd century? and can i be reborn then?

what would the future look like in 2199? could the literatures of the future be true? are they manifestations? another topic for me to research deeply.

[collapseofindustrialcivilization]

Theater of Dispute

They taught us to whisper in slogans and script, Tongues trained in verses, shackled and whipped. Our laughter is canned, our silence curated, Each thought pre-approved, instincts numb and sedated. The dreams that we wear were stitched in their mills, Branded and sleek, with synthetic thrills. The lessons we learn are rehearsed in their school— We hunger for truth, but choke down their gruel. Yet…

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[tinkerclaw]

Just want to be a little cat on its furry paws trotting around a neighborhood listening to the birds peep and my self going "mrreow" on occasion.

[existentialfatigue]

appearances just endless appearances