#existing is tiring

[pearl-blue-musings]

…y’all im so tired

[ghostieking]

being quite literally anything other than a white rich american man is absolutely terrifying

[sasssydaddy123]

It seems so simple to do A Task, right? Like something small i need to do that will really only take a few minutes. If i just did it, i wouldn't have to think about it. But the act of doing is such a struggle and the mental gymnastics i have to do to do the thing is exhausting. Its hard to explain sometimes but i feel like theres a mental block stopping me from doing these tasks but its stupid because they're all so damn easy and i shouldn't be struggling to do them in the first place!!!

[fitzeight]

Haha what's the point of all of this

[tenderculture]

Sometimes I get really upset about people blatantly disrespecting me (I don’t mean strangers, but acquaintances or friends). Like they really think they hold some intellectually superior position and get really condescending. I’ve been trying to understand what makes me feel particularly bad about it, and I think some part of me actually feels mad at myself that I can’t bring myself to just be as rude as they are to me. Some part of me feels like I’m participating in my own disrespect. And the thing is, I know they’re saying something dumb and bigoted. I know that they’re purposely being islamophobic and they’re not as mean to their other friends as they are to me (which also hurts my feelings a lot, because why me? I hadn’t hurt them in any way). I know I don’t owe them anything either, I don’t owe them my usually measured reaction where I try to be nice and perform the emotional labour of absorbing their casual cruelty and disrespect of me, and the way I reply them respectfully and logically, about something they never approached logically in the first place with their inane comments. But ever so rarely, sometimes, I have a moment where I snap. Maybe I had a bad day and then this person so happens to disrespect me on that same day, and I just have no energy to be nice anymore. For that one moment, they get from me the disrespect and lack of niceness that they direct to me, and always they are unable to take it. They think I’m being rude, unable to have a conversation, and then they leave with a feeling that I’m the one that’s a bigot. You would think that I would finally be happy in some way? But I’m really not.. because unlike these people it really makes me emotionally upset to be cruel. Even if they deserved it, it doesn’t make me feel good. And it still doesn’t soothe the hurt of why I was picked on to be condescended to in the first place. I have a friend for years who did this to me and it seriously hurt my feelings. We don’t talk anymore, which is probably for the best. He’s nice to others, but his Islamophobic ass doesn’t extended that respect to me. I feel like as a person who isn’t inclined to be rude, I’m susceptible to such people because they know they can say such things to me & I won’t bark back. I really hate them. I really, really hate them. And I hate the bystanders who watch people get disrespected & don’t do anything sometimes. It’s so tiring.

[halalhyungwon]

.

[mecha-moira]

Everything feels heavy. I should sleep.

[drefvalentine]

I want to sleep forever.