#expatmhk

[theexpatinasia]

Why am I thinking about you while I’m talking to him?

[theexpatinasia]

Hi i would just like to know at what point will I be able to see a Diet Coke and not think of you? Will i always have these funny but now painful memories, or will they eventually fade??

[theexpatinasia]

home.

What an interesting concept. Something I’ve been mulling over these last couple of weeks.

You see, I just went “home” for Christmas break to spend time with family. And now, I sit in an airport waiting to board my flight back “home” to China.

Some will say home is the actually house in which you live. Others may argue it’s a city where you grew up in and/or live in. Poets and romantics have been saying for decades, “home is wherever I’m with you” (whoever you is), or “home is where the heart is”.

What happens when you actually have several “houses” in which you are legally registered to live? These houses are in different cities, and in each of these cities there are so many people that fit “you”, and pieces of my heart are left there always.

Homesickness.

A state of constant homesickness.

This life I live. This nomadic life.

Two homes.

Two countries.

Always homesick.

Leaves me constantly leaving those I love (and if you know me, I am NOT good at goodbyes), and yet always looking forward to those I love in the other place.

What is the crazy beautiful mess of a life I lead?

With each time that I actually go “home” to the states, it feels less and less like a familiar place. Less and less like home.

And I’m not sure I’m ever going to feel completely home again. Not on this earth, I suppose.

I suppose this is one way to keep a heavenly focus. I’ve never wanted an “easy” life. I never wanted to chase the American Dream. So I guess this is part of the territory. Something that will always keep me focused on my true purpose in this life.

Who know. It’s just the word vomit of an expat so excuse me.

[theexpatinasia]

And it’s just like... I’m still mad that I still think of you

[theexpatinasia]

“I still think of you sometimes.”

—a six letter story

[theexpatinasia]

Ya I hate how you can be going about your day and then something so random can just remind you of someone or a time or a memory.

Like I can just be minding my own business and then suddenly I see a Diet Coke at the store and it makes me think of you??

Diet. Coke.

DIET COKE.

Because no one in their right mind besides grandparents drink Diet Coke. Except for you.

Ugh. I was doing so well, ya know??

[theexpatinasia]

Every day without you gets easier.

—a six letter story

[theexpatinasia]

So, I texted you late last night (your early morning).

And I knew that, if you were to respond at all, it would take you awhile. You’re like that. And i know that.

But for some reason, I have more peace about the situation than I have in a month. Even if you don’t respond, for some reason, I have peace about it.

And I don’t really know why that is. But it’s true.

Like either way, I’ll have my answer. And I’ll be okay with that.

I guess that’s just what I’ve been needing. An answer.