#exqueuse my shitpost

[precious-smol-bean]

Me trying to be romantic: *throws rock at your window*

Your window: *shatters*

You: *muffled shouts* What the hec- AUGH! GLASS IN MY FOOT! GLASS IN MY FOOT!

Me: *sends roses to your hospital room*

[precious-smol-bean]

Me: *finds a miscellaneous sharp object in my bed that was directly under me*

Me: How have I not been stabbed yet?

[precious-smol-bean]

There’s suffering, and then there’s P90X

[precious-smol-bean]

Me: Ahh. Finally some time to relax.

Brain: Remember that time when you mispronounced that word one time?

Me: No no no no no no no no

Brain: Ha! You sounded like an ignorant fuck!

Me: HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW "TORTE" WASN'T PRONOUNCED "TORTÈ"?! I WAS ELEVEN!

Brain: This is why we can't have nice things, you know.

Me: UGGGGHHHHHHHH

[precious-smol-bean]

Me @ school: *points at musculoskeletal diagram of face* That looks like me when I take my face off.

Random girl: Lol. Makeup?

Me: No, I don't wear makeup. That's literally how I look if I were to peel off my face.

Girl: *stares at me with an open mouth for 3 seconds* *goes back to work*

[precious-smol-bean]

Me: *does something weird for the sole purpose of making a tumblr chat post about it*

Me: whOa duDe i juSt broKe the fouRth waLL