Diary...Thing?
So I decided to write a lil diary post things along with my art just so you guys can get to know me better as a person. Good or bad, I thought this would be good for me :3 I also thought my therapist would like to be able to read my experiences. Anyways TW: This will go into some personal trauma related to death. Along with talking about my experience with hallucinations and being a possible system. So something happened awhile back that brought this to light for me. See all my life I've seen stuff, ever since my lil sister died shortly after being born when I was like 6 or 7ish (I don't really remember my age that time was kinda a blur) I saw weird stuff. By weird stuff I'm talking about monsters, shadow people, giant skeletons, moving dolls, the walls melting with human faces that would murmur out words I could never fully hear. When I was young they looked hyper-real, like I could feel and touch them but as an adult they faded. But like I always thought everyone saw this stuff. Then when I learned it wasn't normal I thought it was ghosts or demons. But that was before I got back into fandoms in like 2020-21ish. Cause when I did the shadow men I'd see started looking like fandom characters. And when I say I see them I mean they look like IRL versions with the opacity down to like 30% and they'd talk to me. Sometimes I could hear their voice and sometimes I'd hear their voice in my head. The first instance of this was Wally Darling, like he'd haunt me like I believed for awhile that I was being haunted by him. It was kinda scary waking up to him saying "Hello Neighbor~" at like 2am in a pitch-dark room with him sitting on the foot of my bed blankly staring at me. LIKE thing of nightmares.... But the weird part was that it looked like it could never hold it's form. Like the shadow would crumble back to being a shadow. Now I didn't realize there was 2 of them until I got back into the Undertale fandom. They fully turned into Ink and Error. They were stable in their form and they would follow me around holding hands, cuddling, picking on each other and um... More stuff I don't want to say. Just know it was loving in nature :D That had been going on since 2022, but I didn't think much of it. Like I genuinely thought I made this up and that it's just a really vivid daydreams. That was until I made an alt on Discord of Error and Error disappeared and I blacked out. We were all freaking out, absolutely terrified. We didn't know what happened or why. Ink was scared, Error was afraid and I had no control. It was so scary it still makes me tear up thinking about it. I grew to really love those 2 goobers and seeing them so helpless and afraid broke me. I'm still scared to use that account along with Tupper for rps. I have no idea what will force a shift and it was so emotionally and physically painful that I'm terrified. It was such a traumatic experience... So I went to one of my trusted friends and they explained that what I'm going through might be DID and not a spiritual experience. So I've been seeking help for it, I have a therapist I'm seeing who is trained in this stuff, so I am getting help. Error and Ink are ok. It took a few weeks to adjust but they're good.
But the experience has been surreal, especially talking to them and realizing there's more in there. Like once they found out they could front they ALL wanted to front. I will make posts going into detail what they tell me. Cause a lot of it is very interesting and they have kinda complex interpersonal relationships that I had no clue existed. Anyways thanks for listening <3
