#exterf

[shoujoevil]

anytime i talk to an ex radfem they pretty much always tell me that when they started organizing in anti racist communist/anarchist coalitions they started to become disillusioned with other radical feminists. its funny too because i have never met a so called gender critical person who actually understands and believes in abolition and mutual aid outside of very limited second wave tactics. there is usually a huge hole where an understanding of prison abolition should be. and these people always claim angela davis when you ask them if they read black feminists lol like clearly you have not read her

[terfslying]

Hi, I'm not sure if you'll remember me. I used to blog as crashchaoscats and a few years back I responded to a post you made about how transphobic rad fems use detrans people like homophobic Christians use ex-gay people. I was a detrans radical feminist at the time and I argued against that idea. I wanted to let you know that you were right and I was in serious denial. I've since come out again as trans and left both the detrans and rad fem communities and deleted my old blogs. 1/2

I’m no longer on tumblr. I now consider what I went through to be something similar to conversion therapy combined with getting radicalized into a hate group. I started writing about my experiences on Medium as Ky Schevers and was also profiled in Slate. I would add links but tumblr isn't letting me. Feel free to spread the word if you want. I want to do what I can now to undo any damage I previously caused in the past. 2/2

Wow! I’m so glad to hear about that deradicalisation. I hope you can find a place where those experiences no longer bother you and you feel you’ve made amends if you need to.

Here’s a link to the medium page for anyone interested. I definitely see some stuff I am going to read.

You’re also welcome to DM or submit stuff to me if there’s any tumblr specific boosting you’d like!

[terfslying]

i feel terrible. i used to be a TERF and i'm just starting to realize that i might be non binary. some people irl at my university know that i was a TERF, and i've since apologized (i was left on read but i did reach out and take accountability for my actions) but i'm worried that my past has closed me off to supportive spaces for people exploring their gender. my school is huge and the likelihood of me running into one of the few people who knew is low, but i want to be honest because my experience with being a TERF was really important to my journey with gender, and i don't want to lie. i don't know if i would be kicked out of trans/nb safe spaces for being a cis passing person with a history of transphobia; i wouldn't blame people for being uncomfortable with that. i honestly don't know where to turn right now. i guess i'm just asking for some advice as someone who had been in the same boat?

That is a tough situation! I didn’t have people that knew about my TERF beliefs, so it wasn’t something I had to deal with. However, I think that in this case from the details I have, you should be ok to just go and be honest and participate!

There’s a lot of people who have been anti-trans and anti-nb before realising they weren’t cis, so it’s not that rare, and I would hope that the supportive spaces are intended to support everyone regardless. Even if you do have a history of being transphobic, if you’re there and being respectful and non-disruptive, you show with your behaviour that you deserve to be there.

I can see the temptation to worry about the others being uncomfortable and it becoming awkward, but I think that even if they don’t want to interact with you, chances are there won’t be enough of a problem to prevent you from getting support at all.

I know this might seem a bit dismissive by telling you to just go for it... but I think the worry is worse than the situation, in most cases like this (assuming there’s nothing like having consistently bullied someone who is in those groups). If there is someone who you think honestly might be really alarmed by you being there, you could also always find out who the head teacher/club leader is and chat about what they think is best.

[terfslying]

You've probably told this story 100 times but what got you to stop being a TERF? (Also good on you lol)

I’ve got a couple past asks on it but they’re helpfully all tagged totally differently so here’s some links [ why I became a TERF | why I stopped being a TERF]

[terfslying]

I've had an ex-terf at one of my trans support groups. I was more intrigued by him than anything. When I first met him he was very anxious too.

Awesome. Hopefully anon comes back and sees this!

[terfslying]

hey, so i've been involved with radfem stuff for over five years. this has basically been a part of my life that has alienated me from other people and being openly terfy has lost me friends. so how do i get out? i feel like we had very similar backgrounds in terms of getting sucked into 4chan style extremist stuff. is it awful of me that the major impetus for this was getting bullied by "rudefems"? are there any other ex radfems on here?

There are definitely other ex radfems on here, unfortunately they tend to be pretty quiet about that because understandably ppl want to move on. I’ve got a few people’s posts tagged “ex terf” you might be interested in.

I don’t know if I have the best advice for getting out because for me it was pretty gradual and natural. I suggest unfollowing any TERF people as a start. Get yourself some distance. Maybe follow some TERF watchdog sites - theterfs has info and r/gendercynical is decently active - to help start to expose yourself to other ideas. Irl it’s tough to change a big public opinion. Sometimes the easiest thing is to be honest that you used to think x but you changed your mind. And sometimes it’s easier to just avoid the topics entirely. I think once you have that distance you can think about maybe looking into trans issues honestly to re-evaluate. But tbh part of deradicalising is just breaking the obsession with that “enemy” I think.

And no, I don’t think it makes you bad or anything that it was rudefems being rude pushed you to reconsider. When a “side” has you convinced it’s the supportive, protective, genuine side, having some of them turn on you is a big deal. It might feel petty, but when we’re hurt we have a way of focusing on the most recent small trigger. That trigger alone might seem inconsequential, but the intense emotional response is still real and valid.

[terfslying]

I honestly get so discouraged being trans bc terfs call ppl like me straight women that want to predate on gay men and mock people like 'troon voice: damb you're 24 and you still believe in 6th grade bioessentialism??' n I often see 'trans allies' become terfs n tell other lgb ppl they're being brainwashed by the gender cult or w/e but. this is the first time I've seen where a terf becomes a trans ally so. thank you for that

I’m glad that I can help with balancing that out a bit.

I honestly believe the reason that you don’t see much vice versa is that in TERF communities, having previously been a “libfem” is pretty normal if not celebrated - nobody is born a TERF, and they like to see being an "ex-libfem” as making them smarter and wiser and better than all the remaining “libfems”. It’s a weird ‘not-like-other-girls’-esque situation where the badge of being ex-libfem makes your opinion on feminism much more important.

Whereas there’s little to no benefit to publically stating that you’re an ex-TERF. Both TERFs and some trans people hate on ex-TERFs. I reblogged a veeery old post from sweetschizo a while back about being an ex-TERF and she got anon hate over it, and her blogs are basically buckets of positivity, sunshine and empathy while dealing with mental health issues. Generally I don’t get much hate due to being ex-TERF, but it has been a focus of some really not cool behaviour towards me in the past too.

[terfslying]

As an ex-TERF, do you feel like TERFs have some cult-like behaviors?

I would say definitely yes for cult-like, but not actually call it a cult.

Cults require charismatic leaders and a higher level of control over people involved. They’re also a lot more internally abusive.

However, it’s cult-like for sure, and I’d categorise it as extremist. As a whole TERFs tend to be highly intolerant of questioning view points and ex TERFs, which is one strike. Strike two is more important and that’s the violence they encourage.