#extremelysad

[raphaelius2305]

I'm Just #TIRED ... #Torn_Apart ... #InSecure ... #Really_Faking_My_Smile ... #ExtremelySad ... #Drowning_In_My_Own_Tears ... (at Petaling Jaya, Malaysia) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzamUnTnJk8gwJcH940__he7LcMRil52UlYO080/?igshid=1a6hxki6opvku

[firerock876]

Lonliness sucks.

Well. If anyone is secretly in love with me... you should definitely tell me now.

[eminaris]

This day May 31 i mark you!!!! the day that will change my perspective about myself. How i become a great failure not just to myself but to everyone especially my family... Studying is a constant battle for me. it is somewhat eating a bitter sweet chocolate, sometimes things turn out good then great then sometimes it gives you hell of a shit.

this will be a long post so please ignore. i want to say what i want.

3 years ago, i went to a different college, i took BS accountancy until 2ndyear.. that college-well that place that i lived for 2 years wasn't that fun and exciting... my grades were really good, got a lot of 1.0 grades, minor subjs though.. but the accounting subject itself for me was difficult and hard.. i knew back then that i'm not fit for that kind of subject.. of course i know myself more than anyone. i know my strengths and weaknesses so i knew that analyzing things were hard for me.. anyway i was surprised i got 2.5 on my Acctg 1 and 2.. to tell you the truth i have no idea what the professor was talking about. He was speaking in a different dialect (Visaya) and not my (our) known tongue which is Tagalog (national philippine language).. at that time i think God has blessed me in passing my majors even though i couldn't understand all.. on my 2nd year on that island  and moving on with my hatred unsocial life.. i was able to gain friends then.. anyway acctg 3 and 4, again i have no idea what their teaching about still i manage to pass both majors until my aunt and mom had a bit of a fight and i needed to transfer to another school.. so i want back to my hometown. I bummed for a year cause we had no money to pursue my education, my aunt back then was financially supporting me on my studies. so 2012 my older sister gave up on her studies and started working on an early age. You know i really salute her. She sacrificed a lot of things in order to make our family well provided for up until now. I am grateful for her and i will do anything to graduate.. 2012 i was able to get in to a university.. it was like hell and a lot of things were needed to be done.. validations, signatures etc.. i didn't know that it will be that insanely hard.. still i managed to survive  my transfer process... I still took BS Accountancy and took an exam for that. soo did i pass?? No i did not. so i needed to go back to the beginning acctg1.. pack!! D: *sad face* you know what.. when i was in  uni (university) it was like in a cage full of various animals... there were good students and there were mean ones. You'd also be lucky if a good professor where assigned in your class. It will be bliss i tell you!! so i got my acctg1 with a grade of 2.5.. that i can say i learned what i needed to learn. on my second sem i wan't able to get my acctg2 cos my final exam paper in acctg1 got lost and marked as incomplete.. you wouldn't beleive that my prof in acctg1 was a pastor in my highschool alumni!! now that was fortunate!! :D  anyway i was nervous and stressed cos i didn't get my acctg2 in second sem.. until it opened this summer and was able to take it.. i passed 3.0.

you know what pissed me the most and what currently is destroying me now was the quota!! yes my college department have been evaluating students who have failed marks and didn't pass the quota will be moved out of the course BS accountancy.. unless you take the qualifying exams if u don't pass the quota. and sad to say no i didn't pass that's why i'm letting my feeling here cos i've been working hard with sleepless nights and shit shits.. those who have failed and didn't make the quota will be subject to take BS Accounting Technology (bsact). i'm like holy shit!!!! what the fuck is that course??!! if i graduate what will i become??!! i even cried in front of my prof, the one who taught us acctg2 this summer 2013. and yeah she just destroyed my confidence and one of the cause of belittling myself.. 

i cried silently today and was afraid to go home cause my parents will be sooo disappointed about me. the hurtful look in their eyes. i just don't want that. it hurts me more. My dad had high hopes for me.. saying that "if u passed the board exam and became a CPA....." i don't have the strength to continue what he said. Anyway i needed to face my sister... she scolded me a couple of hours ago.. really.. i know that she's dissapointed and a bit furious at me. especially my pessimistic side towards accountancy.. she said that "you got what you wished for right?? you wanted to shift right?? there its is!! you got it!!!" i don't care now. you said you want to be in a medical field? why don't you just shift to a science college and take chemical engineering!" and i was like "but it's not a medical course" my sis said "what are you saying, all science courses are ladders to medical fields..!"  yet i just listened to her and silently cried. i'm really stupid ain't i?. to not pass. so what will i become in the future? i don't really want to know.. i'm scared. 

bsact huh? i even looked it up on the net to find what kind of work will i get.. but still it's not good enough for me.. 

this is the point where believing in yourself is not working anymore. faith. prayers. i'm just not into it right now. worst day ever. this will change my life. mark on my history. the day where failure comes smashing in me. and they say work hard!! fuck that!!! i worked hard to where i am!! aaaaahh!!! i don't know what to do.. i want to kill myself.. maybe i should. 

[kevrokat]

Wow it is my fault.

I'm a selfish. I was blind with anger I was ignorant. I was sad I wasn't thinking I didn't understand the finality of it. I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I'm sorry.

I blame myself I now realize it was all my fault.

[the-oceanid]

When pro choicers argue that living children who have deformities and mental handicaps should have been aborted "for their own sake"..... So you believe in genocide and the negative eugenic practices the Nazis believed in. That's great. You show me a picture of a smiling girl who happens to be a dwarf. "Still pro life?!?!?" Yes, I still am pro life. How dare you say that about a little girl with a disability like that. That's beyond reproach. And to make fun of a baby with extreme deformities and say they are disgusting, retarded, gross, and a mutant....that is unforgivable. You should truly be ashamed. I saw these pictures on Instagram and I am not going to post them on here but if you don't believe me search #abortion on instagram. I know not all pro choicers are like that, but most of them are on social networks anyway. That's been my experience. Not tagging this under anything associated with abortion after all the hate filled, disgusting messages I got.