#ezrawinchester

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Lost and Broken

It’s hard to feel whole when you love someone more than they love you, especially when you’re aware of this fact.  It’s harder still to let go when you love someone so much it causes you physical pain and anxiety to see them with another.  But sometimes you have to try, as much as it feels like ripping your own skin off with the band-aid, as much as it feels like it will kill you.  I am lost, and I am more than a little bit broken, having gone through both the slow-burning fuse of abandonment without a goodbye, and the hot flash of “I’m seeing someone else now, but we can still be friends.”  I’m not sure which hurts more: the one who disappeared without a word, never to return, or the one who said he’d stay, but that I may have to ask to leave, for the sake of someday feeling whole again.

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The Five Stages After You

1. Denial For months I told myself you’d come back lied and said I was okay to the people who love me to myself.

2. Bargaining I kept wishing for one more message one that would bring you back to me and take the pain away I said I could live with goodbye if only you’d come back to say it.

3. Depression I was lost I didn’t know what to think anymore everything took too much effort I let myself be alone and let my fear of the darkness without you paralyze me.

4. Acceptance I thought it was over I met someone new who helped me back to the sunshine I was before you left and I’m still more okay than I was

5. Anger But things aren’t perfect I still have wounds that haven’t fully healed and I’m angry at the anxiety you left me the only thing you really ever gave me because I feel weak helpless and it’s keeping me from completely moving on.

6. ? I’m not sure where I’m going from here I’m happier now than perhaps I’ve ever been but I know I could be happier perhaps if it weren’t for you. I don’t regret the time and love I gave you but I can’t help but wonder what if?

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Rebroken Heart

Let me kiss the tears from your cheeks wash away the salty tracks they've left smooth a little of the exhaustion from your face.

That is what I wish you'd say to me but you don't say anything at all.

Your heart was broken beyond repair I thought I could fix it glue the shattered pieces back together.

You didn't mean to hurt me. Of all people you were the one who understood what it was to have someone walk out of your life without a word.

But the pieces wouldn't fit quite right and when you lost someone else even more important to you I felt the shrapnel from your rebroken heart pierce mine and tear it to pieces.

I can't love someone who's no longer there. I can't wait forever for someone who may never come back. I can't protect myself from being forgotten unless I let you go.

I wish you'd come back to me if only to say goodbye instead of leaving me in silence. Your silence says everything but you don't say anything at all.

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You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

Dr. Seuss

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Visit Original Link

Moon on the meadow

bugs in our ears.

Smoke in our eyes

wet wood and tears.

Up on the meadow

water somewhere.

We were the only ones there.

Wild horses rushing,

dry lakes and peaks.

Finding the love there

everyone seeks.

Hiking to rainbows

sunsets and stars.

Just finding out who we are.

We will return there

one lucky day.

Our hearts will guide us

they know the way.

People in cities

don't understand

falling in love with the land.

Moon on the meadow

bugs in our ears.

Smoke in our eyes

wet wood and tears.

Up on the meadow

water somewhere.

With you my friend I am there.

This is an old camp song I learned years ago called Moon on the Meadow.  It's a dark, beautiful lullaby we used to sing around the campfire, and it wandered into my head tonight, so I recorded myself singing it.  It's one of my favorites.

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I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

Roy Croft

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Grey Eyes

It's strange to think about how you'll never truly see your own eyes only ever reflections and pictures. You'll never see how truly beautiful they are how they light up when you're excited how soft they seem when you're sleepy and content.

I never knew I could fall so deeply in love with a color much less grey until I saw your eyes. Grey is not just stone but storm clouds and rainclouds It's the waves of the ocean when the sun has just set It's dove feathers and mountain peaks and it's the color of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen The eyes of the boy I fell in love with.