#ezriagame

[ezriagame]

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[handheldromancenovel]

Lost In You

A/N: This is going to be largely AU due to the fact that the plot in my head came up out of characters I haven't completely sussed out yet. I've only been writing them a few weeks based off real life circumstances that has led to inspiration of things that could happen in the future. That said, a plot bunny happened, and it kinda ran away with itself, so prepare for something really cheesy ahead.

Also, rated T for suggestive language and situations. 

It was bitterly cold outside, and Aria didn't want  to get out of her uncle's jeep just yet. If she turned the car off, the heat would stop running and soon the cold outside the car would cause it to dissipate, leaving them chattering in their clothes, because neither of them thought to bring a jacket. Then again, they were both too stubborn to wear a real jacket most of the time in winter anyway. They were used to the bitter cold winters here; why have a coat when you were only outside for two seconds, from the house to the car, from the car to wherever you were headed into next? It didn't ever make any sense to her.

"You have to stop doing that," she commented gruffly as she glanced over at Ezra. His hand was gripping her inner thigh so tightly, she was sure that by the time they arrived at their hotel later, she was going to have fingerprint bruises.

"I can't help it," he rasped. His pupils were blown, his irises a mere thin blue strip around them. "That only made it worse."

Aria huffed, gulped. She bit down on the inside of her bottom lip.

They had volunteered to go to the store on purpose, because they'd been apart the past few days. Between work, their current living arrangments, and just the general business of the holidays, neither of them had had much time for the other in the past ten days or so. Granted, they had talked copiously on the phone every night, but they were used to a certain lifestyle with one another and being apart so much was a deprivation neither of them knew how to deal with. They didn't know how to function without one another--two halves of a whole.

So when he'd turned up at her mother's that morning, the plan had been to sneak a quickie in, in Aria's bedroom before they had to leave. But of course the snow that hit the night before kept Ezra stuck in a traffic jam that made him fifteen minutes late instead of half an hour early like he'd hoped to be, so when he arrived, they'd promptly left with Ella and Zak, and headed out of the city towards Aria's aunt's house where the rest of her family would be gathering for holiday festivities.

They'd arrived to brunch, and then everyone exchanged gifts, and Aria recieved her gifts from her father as well, which felt out of place, given that they had largely fallen out of touch before Ezra had come into her life, and then upon meeting Ezra and realizing the younger man worked over him at Hollis, he had almost completely cut them both off. It also didn't help that Aria didn't get along with her step-mother, a vile woman whose name she refused to speak, and who had hurt her many times in the past. Still, it was ironic to her when she received the large bag from Byron that morning, that he passed her another, albeit smaller bag, for Ezra.

Shortly after gifts, the younger kids split off to watch a movie while they waited on dinner and dessert to finish cooking, while the older adults settled around the table, talking about the current goings-on in their lives. The millenials settled about the house, and it was around that time that Aria and Ezra started trying to figure out a way to break off from the crowd, into the bathroom for a quickie, but everytime they sought to sneak away, someone was in there, or there was a line three people deep.

Of course, dinner eventually finished. They settled down with their food, and Aria was mentally sending out signals towards her family members parking her in to get the urge to want to leave shortly after dinner so she and Ezra could make a quick exit to their hotel they'd gotten in Philadelphia for the next three nights. It was their big present to each other--four days and three nights without her mom, Zak, and without Hardy.

It was just as she was finishing up the last of her candied yams that her aunt piped up about forgetting to unthaw the cool whip for pie. Aria didn't waste a second; she shot up out of her seat with her keys and insisted she and Ezra would go before he could even say word, even if he did have a forkful of mashed potatoes halfway to his mouth.

"We parked you in," her uncle piped up.

"So give me your keys," she had insisted. "Unless you want to go."

That had been all it took for him to shake his head. He unclipped the keys to his jeep and tossed them across the room at her, and she snatched Ezra's hand yanking him up from the couch, barely muttering 'we'll be back' before they were out the door.

"There's no way it's going to be any easier to break away now than it was before," she said. "Everyone is still here. we're still parked in."

"Then what do we do," he asked her, pouting. He was clearly suffering. So sad.

Aria thought for a moment, her eyes drifting to his lips and how badly she wanted to- fuck- no! Nope. Okay, think.

"A diversion," she said after a moment. "We need a diversion."

"Okay, but what kind," he asked.

Aria looked around and then glanced in the rearview mirror and spotted the grocery bag. She looked back at Ezra and smirked. "Dessert. You and I start a food fight with each other. Start sticking food on each other, we'll HAVE to take a shower."

Ezra furrowed a brow slightly at her. "You want me to waste pie?"

Aria rolled her eyes. "How badly do you want to fuck, Ezra?"

"Okay, okay," he replied quickly. "Let's do this."

.,.

Some minutes later, she stood in the kitchen holding her plate, watching as her cousins piled their plates high with snacks of all different kinds. She was smart, and had stuck with two brownies and a slice of apple pie with whipped cream. Ezra had gone with several slices of different pies, all of which he'd put whipped cream, and she'd told him she didn't care what he did with it as long as no chocolate ended up on her very white, brand new Christmas sweater.

When everyone had finally filled through with their desserts, she waited for him to strike....and waited.

And then waited some more.

When a full five minutes had passed, she glared at him, and he stared back at her, only to shrug his shoulders slightly. She tilted her head back at him, as if to say 'oh, come on. Man up.' Still, he did nothing. So finally, she swiped three fingers through her whipped cream on her untouched pie and wiped it across his right cheek and the side of his nose, smirking at him before wiggling her eyebrows at him.

"Seriously," he asked her.

"Serious," she replied, smirking. She leaned over and licked his cheek.

"Okay," he responded. He swiped two fingers through some of his own whipped cream and proceeded to brush them across her chest, marking her. It was on.

A grin crossed her face, and she rubbed her fingers through the frosting on top of one of her brownies and proceeded to stuff her fingers down the top of the collar of his black dress shirt, rubbing chocolate frosting on his chest.

"Oh hell no," Ezra commented as he placed his plate on the counter. Aria followed in suit, raising her hand as he reached for her arms, and she began to giggle as he tried to fight her into submission. In their squirming, she caught the left side of his face with more chocolate frosting, and before she knew what was happening, giggles were bursting through her chest, and she could feel his body spasming against her own as he laughed. A fistful of apple pie suddenly fell down her chest, and then he swiped all the way up her neck until his fingers caught her mouth, and she bit down, gently catching one of his fingers.

"Ow!" He whined between laughs.

"Bull," she cackled as she pulled half a brownie off her plate. She split it in half in her hand and shoved half of it down his shirt while she reached for his belt buckle with her other hand and did her best to wedge the brownie between his jeans and his body. Ezra took the opportunity at that moment to cover her face with his handprint, which happened to be covered in whipped cream. In the very same moment, Aria grabbed a generous finger full of whipped cream and slipped it along his crotch very suggestively. Unfortunately all the movement at once and Ezra pushing on her head caused her to shift wrong, and her feet began to slip. She grabbed onto his belt buckle, and he slipped his hands around her as she went down so she didn't slam her head against the floor. They both giggled endlessly, staring at the other as he knelt above her a few inches...at least until Aria yanked him down to her level, finally fully shoving the brownie in his jeans and laughing more.

"I love you so damn much," Ezra laughed as he leaned up over her.

She was still laughing, but it was one of those moments where everything was starting to fade back into focus, and she was very aware of what the moment was. She could hear her family members laughing around them, clearly at the sight of them and what had just taken place, and she didn't mind. But more than that, she knew this was one of those moments. This was the kind of moment girls hoped for when they were crying in their beds, contemplating suicide, wondering why they were still trying. This was the kind of moment girls hoped for three days after they met a guy and knew they were falling for them, but were terrified of getting hurt.

Moments like this didn't come often when you'd been broken like they both had been, and you had to learn how to love, by loving each other. But Ezra could still be a closed off person sometimes, so when she got to see this side of him....this kind of moment was what she lived for. This was the man she fell in love with. Nobody really understood that, but nobody needed to,because she always had, even when she hadn't.

"I love you too," she murmured back, smiling at him when she'd managed to catch her breath a bit. He leaned down and pecked her on the lips, earning an 'aww' from a number of family members.

"You guys gonna stay down there," her aunt commented a few seconds later.

Ezra was still staring at her, and Aria's heart was hammering in her chest. She was having one of those 'holy fuck I love you' moments and sometimes when that happened he made it really hard to breathe or move or think or even really just be alive. But he wasn't moving, and he wasn't looking away from her, and it was still quiet.

She wanted to ask him what it was. She wanted to move, or breathe, or speak, but he never did anything fast, and she knew if she did any of that, the moment would be done, and whatever was happening in his head would be over.

She was so aware, in that moment, of her hands. Her left, still gripping his jeans. Her right arm wrapped over his shoulder with her fingers under his collar. She'd gotten frosting on the end of his hair and the back of his neck as well as the top of his back.

Just then, there was something in his eyes, so quick she barely caught it, but it was there. She narrowed her eyes just the slightest at him, was about to inquire, and he finally spoke.

"Marry me."

Gasps drew from the peanut gallery, and if she thought she was supposed to flood with any kind of emotion at the statement, there was no sudden rush, because she'd always known. Within days of meeting him and their innocent flirtation that eventually grew, she knew. Even though he was supposed to be the guy that was out of her league, and she was supposed to be the girl that couldn't handle him and his baggage, they just fit. So she'd known long before there was ever even an 'I like you' thrown into the mix.

"That was always the only plan ever, from the day I told you I felt bad for the woman who had to wake up next to your grumpy 'not a morning person' ass," she chuckled as tears began to roll down her face.  Ezra smiled at her and leaned down and kissed her. She was sure there was clapping and hollering, but she could barely hear it.  

They finally stood a few minutes later when she managed to remove her lips from his own, and she remembered that they needed a shower. Aria asked one of her cousins to retrieve a bag from her car with their clothes in it while her mother and her aunts insisted on snapping a few pictures, since this would now mean they were officially engaged. Aria did her best not to glance into the other room where she could hear her stepmother muttering something about her father not being asked permission for Ezra to propose. Aria didn't care. She knew that he'd asked Ella, and that had all she'd ever required of him.

When her cousin returned with the bag, Aria grabbed Ezra's hand and headed towards the bathroom, tossing the bag onto the bathroom counter when they arrived. Her aunt followed after them, only to pass her a plastic bag for their soiled clothes. Aria closed the door behind Ezra and began to remove her clothes. Once she was down to her lingerie and had her clothes bagged, she turned on the shower and glanced back him, confused that he was still fully dressed.

"What's going on," she asked. "I thought you were all excited."

"I just realized it wasn't a real proposal," he replied somewhat sadly.

Aria sighed and walked back to him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Come on, Ezra. It was."

"I didn't give you a ring, I didn't get down on one knee-"

"You asked me to marry you," Aria replied. "I said yes. Some people don't even exchange rings. It's fine. We'll worry about the semantics later."

"People will want to see a ring and proper photos," he insisted. "And I didn't give that to you. I had it all planned too. A few weeks from now."

Aria frowned and then scowled. "Are you really going to take this away from me?"

Ezra looked back up at her after a moment and then gulped and shook his head, albeit a bit sadly. "No." He took a moment, and then spoke again. "No. Just give me a moment." He opened the door and walked out and she gaped at him, muttering a 'what the fuck' under her breath as he closed it behind him.

She didn't bother to wait for him, instead removing the rest of her clothes and stepping into the shower and the inviting heat of the warm water.

Ezra returned about ninety seconds later and removed his clothes without speaking before stepping into the shower in front of her and stepping under the stream of water with her, wrapping his arms around her. Aria sighed into his mouth, leaning against him as he brushed his fingers up her sides until he reached her arms. He ran his fingers up the length of them and clasped their hands together.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips between water droplets.

"Love you more," she replied before shoving her tongue back in his mouth. Ezra let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her again, turning them in place so that she was facing the back of the shower. He steadily walked them backwards until her back hit the wall.

"Mmm, and I need you more," he replied huskily as he ground his hips against hers.

Aria moaned, but shook her head. "Mmmm....mm-mm."

Ezra sighed into her ear, lifting her up as she buried her face in his collarbone. "Yes, hun," he rasped. "I'm always gonna need you more."

.,.

Twenty minutes later, Aria stood in front of the mirror, trying to make sure there wasn't a single hair out of place on her head while Ezra was continuously suckling on her neck, leaving is third hicky since they'd gotten into the shower. She'd long since given up trying to wave him off since it wasn't doing the job. His apetite was clearly going to be insatiable for the moment, but she was pretty sure he'd be tied over at least for a few hours.

"Alright," she stated after a long few minutes. "I give in."

Ezra looked up at her in the mirror and smiled. "You look beautiful."

"Good enough for pictures?" She asked. "Because they're going to want to take more."

Ezra nodded. "Did you get all that food out of my hair?"

Aria nodded back at him. "Yeah, that's why I kept running my fingers through it."

"I thought you were just playing with it like you always do," he replied.

Aria laughed. "No. I was looking for chunks of brownie."

Ezra grabbed their bag off the counter and Aria opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. They walked back out into the family room and Ezra dropped the bag near the rest of their gifts before grabbing her hand, stopping her from going into the kitchen. Most of the family had settled back in the family room as it was, and others had cleared out.

"Here you go," Spencer stated. Aria turned around, suddenly very confused. As she did, she saw her best friend, Hardy, and Hardy's parents all standing nearby. She looked back to ask Ezra what was going on, but he wasn't there. And then she looked down.

"Ezra-"

"I said I didn't do it right," he stated. "Let me do it right."

Aria inhaled a deep breath and then let it out before nodding.

Ezra didn't look up at her for a long a moment, though he held tightly to her fingers in his hand. When he finally gathered his words though, he looked straight up at her.

"You weren't supposed to happen. Not just when you did, but ever. We've both said that. You...you never existed in my wildest dreams. You were unattainable. You don't lose everything the way I've lost it, and make the mistakes I've made, and fail the way that I have failed...and then get you. You just don't."

He paused, and his chin trembled, and it was all Aria could do to not throw herself at him.

"So I pushed, and in a lot of ways, I think I've probably pushed you to the point where I really don't deserve to have you at this point. Because you are so god damn right when you said you love me more. You have loved me through so much bullshit that you didn't have to, and you have loved me when I was putting you through crap because of stuff everyonne else has done that had nothing to do with you, even though you kept saying over and over again that you were nothing like them and you were right, and you kept showing me over and over again that you were different...

"But fuck, baby, I also mean it when I say I need you more," Ezra stated shakily. "You say you can't imagine a life I'm not apart of? I can't, and won't, live a life you're not in. And I don't want to go any longer without recognizing that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and as much as that scares the crap out of me, I've known that for a long time." He took a moment and inhaled a few breaths, blinking a few times. A single tear rolled down his cheek. "So Aria Rose Montgomery, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

That was it. She felt as if someone had her with a sledgehammer in the gut as tears began rolling down her cheeks and she responded in a high-pitched cry, nodding. Ezra opened the black velvet box in his hand and pulled a ring out and slid it onto her finger before Aria launched herself onto him, clinging for dear life as she cried into his shoulder. She was so happy and elated, but also overcome with emotion by all that he'd said that it took her a solid minute to gather herself.

When she finally did, she leaned back and glanced at the ring on her finger, getting a good look at it for the first time. Ezra adjusted it slightly on her finger.

"Does it fit okay?"

Aria nodded. "It fits perfectly."

"Good," he replied. He looked up at her. "This was the one I told you about that my mom really loved. The one they made her take off at the hospital, and she told me never to lose."

Aria's chin began to tremble again, and she wrapped her arms around him once more, clinging tightly to him.

"It's okay," he told her as he rubbed his hand up and down her back. "I figured the best way to not lose it now is to give it to the one person I'll never lose. Right?"

Aria nodded, still clinging to him. She had to remind herself to take deep breaths. Her brain was doing the whole 'he's had a crappy life' thing, and anytime it went there, it was a rabbit hole that was hard to climb out of.

"Okay," he said after a long minute. "Okay?"

She took another breath, and then leaned back and nodded. Ezra kissed her once more and wiped her tears away before kissing her forehead, and Aria finally stood back up before offering him a hand.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the soon-to-be Mrs. Aria Fitz," Ezra said as he offered Aria's hand towards her family members. That quickly, her mom, aunts, and half her cousins shot up out of their seats, ready to see the ring. She just looked up at Ezra and laughed.

"Love you," she murmured.

He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. "Love you more."

[ezriagame]

Ezria on Instagram: Ezria get married

[ezriagame]

Surprise

She stared at the wall on the other side of the room, but it was almost like she wasn’t sitting on a bed in a hospital room. She was somewhere else, and Ezra knew that. It worried him when she got like this. He hated when her anxiety made her imagine the worst possible scenarios.

He lightly rubbed her knee, then gently held her hand and brought it to his lips. This brought her back into the room. She turned to look at him, her wet eyes on the verge of releasing a sink full of tears. “I’m scared,” she told him meekly.

Ezra nodded, and squeezed her hand. “I know, but you’re okay,” he assured her as sensitively as he could. “We’re going to figure this out.”

She shook her head and the tears began to fall. “You don’t know that,” she murmured. “What if I’m seriously ill? What if I can’t be there for Harmony?” Ezra wrapped his arms around her body, and she let herself relax in his embrace.

“I will make sure everything is okay, no matter what the doctors tell us,” he promised, rubbing her arm. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

A month prior, life seemed to be rolling along happily. Marriage was wonderful. They bought a beautiful house outside of Philadelphia. They were the proud parents of an infant girl they adopted from India and had fallen madly in love with the child as if she were their biological daughter. They were starting the family they always wanted after going through an 18-month process, and life couldn’t be any better as the husband and wife navigated parenthood. Just as they started to write a new book--this time, inspired by their adoption journey--Aria’s joy felt like it was being stolen from her. It felt like her entire life followed this pattern. She didn’t deserve to be happy, at least that’s what she was thinking in that hospital room while her husband stood beside her.

Aria had come down with what she thought was a stomach bug a couple weeks ago. But the near-constant nausea and vomiting went past the expected couple days and continued for weeks, never leaving her system. Not to mention, she spent her days sleeping and had trouble staying awake, never able to get any writing done. Her entire body ached. Ezra wasn’t able to get anything done while taking care of his wife and daughter. When Aria started bleeding on and off, they knew it was time to go to the hospital. He was scared, too, but he didn’t let her know that. He didn’t like seeing her connected to an IV, looking sicker than he’d ever seen her.

A nurse walked into the room and approached the couple. “How are you feeling, Aria?”

“I’m okay,” Aria lied.

“Well, the doctor will be ready to speak with you in a few moments,” she said with a friendly smile. She left the room, only to return a minute later with the doctor.

Ezra squeezed Aria’s hand again, comforting her before they received the news they were both anxiously waiting for and dreading.

“Hello, Mrs. Fitz. I’m Dr. Coy,” she introduced, holding a clipboard. “I think I know why you’ve been under the weather for so long.”

Aria looked down at her fingers, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room. “Okay,” she said quietly.

“Hyperemesis gravidarum,” Dr. Coy said, causing the husband and wife to look at each other in confusion. “Otherwise known as Severe Morning Sickness.”

“Um, isn’t morning sickness a diagnosis for pregnant women?” Ezra asked.

“Congratulations,” Dr. Coy told them with a grin.

Aria laughed nervously. “No, that’s not possible,” she said adamantly, almost angrily. “I can’t get pregnant. I’m not pregnant.”

“Your hormone levels indicate that you’re probably pregnant,” Dr. Coy explained confidently. “And from your levels, it seems like you aren’t newly pregnant either, but that’s hard to tell without an ultrasound.”

Aria continued to shake her head. “I’ve seen multiple fertility specialists and they’ve all told me it’s impossible to get pregnant,” she reiterated. “There’s probably a mixup with the bloodwork”

“I can assure you that these are your results,” Dr. Coy stated. “Sometimes doctors will tell you it’s impossible when they really mean it’s extraordinarily rare.”

“How rare?” Ezra asked.

“Have you ever been struck by lightning?”

Ezra glanced at Aria. “Wow,” was all he was able to say. Aria, however, didn’t look as elated as she should have upon hearing this news. She had believed she was pregnant once before and was instead destroyed by the news of her infertility only days before her wedding day. She didn’t want to feel that deep sadness again. She didn’t want to disappoint Ezra again simply because her body wasn’t functioning the way a woman’s body is supposed to function.

Ezra, knowing what Aria was thinking, asked another question. “Is there a better way to confirm this?” he asked, tentatively. “We’ve been through a lot with infertility, and we don’t want to let this sit and stew until we can see an OBGYN.” By “we,” he mostly meant Aria. It would destroy her if it were a false alarm.

Dr. Coy nodded understandingly. “Look, I can transfer you to another room so we can do an ultrasound to see what’s going on,” Dr. Coy suggested, wanting to help the couple. “I’d like to keep you here overnight anyway to make sure you’re getting enough fluids, especially if you are pregnant. You were dangerously dehydrated when you came in.”

A nurse wheeled Aria down to a room in a different part of the hospital with Ezra walking alongside holding Aria’s hand. A few minutes later, Aria lay across an exam table, bunching her hospital gown under her chest so a different doctor could move the doppler across her stomach. Aria and Ezra stared at the screen in anticipation, hoping to see something resembling a baby in Aria’s uterus. Aria had little hope this would turn out the way she had always dreamt.

“This is your baby,” the woman said, pointing to a blurry shape on the screen. “It’s actually moving around a lot, which is a great sign. If you wait a minute, I can probably find the…”

Before the husband and wife could digest the fact they were having another child, the most beautiful sound filled the room.

Thump...thump...thump...thump…

“...the heartbeat,” the doctor said joyfully. “Congratulations.”

It was like a dam broke open in Aria’s eyes. Beaming ear to ear, Ezra leaned down to hug his wife, then enthusiastically grabbed her face and pressed his lips against hers.

“Hi baby girl!” Aria happily greeted her 7-month-old daughter via FaceTime. Knowing she had no choice but to stay in the hospital overnight didn’t make it any easier to spend a night without her daughter. It was her first night without her since she brought her home from India and she already missed her.

“Hi Sunshine,” Ezra added from his spot next to the bed, making an exaggerated goofy face, hoping to make his daughter smile. 

Ella held the iPhone in front of Harmony’s smiling face, then lifted her hand and made her wave to her parents. “She wants to know how her Mommy is feeling.”

“Mommy is feeling much better,” Aria answered, then smiled over at Ezra before she made the announcement. “The doctor said I have a severe case of morning sickness.”

“Morning sickness?” Ella asked, the screen remaining on Harmony.

Ezra moved back into the frame. “Harmony, how do you feel about becoming a big sister?”

“You’re joking,” Ella nearly shouted, causing Harmony to jump.

Aria couldn’t hide the grin on her face. “Mom, we had an ultrasound,” she told her. “Ezra and I are having a baby.” She lifted a sonogram in front of the phone. “In a little over six months.”

The iPhone was still on Harmony’s face, but she knew her mother was crying too.

[ezriagame]

“We’re on our honeymoon,” he reminded her from across the room. “We’re supposed to be happy.”

She was sitting on the edge of the giant king-sized bed, still in her robe. Their room overlooked a beautiful landscape, but she wasn’t thinking about that, even though she was staring at the window. She turned to look at him. “I am happy,” she said, forcing a smile.

He shook his head, then ran a hand through his hair. “Your head has been somewhere else all day, and I want to know what’s going on before the next surprise,” he told her. “Something happened. You were so happy up until this afternoon.” The newlyweds had already enjoyed a wonderful, blissful week celebrating their love in the south of France. It had been perfect until today.

“I’m fine, Ezra,” she assured him, forcing that same smile. “I’m so excited for the surprise. What should I wear?”

He sighed and walked towards the bed, sitting next to her on the bed. He took her hand and gently squeezed it. “You’re my wife. I know when something is on your mind. Let me fix it.”

She shook her head, looking away from him. “You can’t fix it.”

“Is this about—”

“My mom called when we were getting ready for lunch,” she began, glancing up at him again. “She was asking me about our trip, and I told her how perfect everything has been.”

He gave her a small smile, but allowed her to go on, knowing that wasn’t the reason for her weird mood.

“Then she joked and asked if we were making any babies yet,” she continued with a sad sigh. “She really wants grandchildren, Ezra, and I don’t know how to tell her.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I had assumed you already told your mother,” he said, confused, then murmured, “I guess I’m not the only one you like to keep secrets from…”

“It isn’t an easy thing to tell someone,” she snapped in annoyance. “You’re not the one who can’t carry a child.”

“Well, actually…”

She didn’t think it was funny. “I need to take a shower,” she announced, standing up from the bed and making her way to the bathroom. They’d shared many of their showers on this trip, but she definitely wasn’t in the mood to invite her husband this time.

Getting the hint, he stood as well and grabbed his jacket from the coat rack. “I think I’m going to go for a walk,” he told her, hoping to give her some space.

“Fine,” she said, closing the door to the bathroom.

Ezra returned from his walk about an hour later, his head sufficiently cleared. He hadn’t expected to return with a small gift bag, but he also hadn’t realized there was a little toy shop on the corner. The toys in the display window--stuffed animals, dolls, trucks and trains--were both intriguing and unsettling. The future was a big question mark. He didn’t know when they’d be able to start a family. Whether they decided to adopt or visit more fertility specialists, it wasn’t easy to predict when a child would enter their lives. He knew their very near future would be an emotional roller coaster—and Aria did too. It was dark, scary, and uncertain. Aria had already experienced enough of that in her life, and Ezra was so angry that the person he cared about the most had to continue on that path.

“I’m back,” he announced, finding Aria on the edge of the bed again. “Sorry it took so long. I was distracted by—”

He spotted Aria sitting on the toilet seat, her arms crossed tightly against her chest and sobbing. He raced over to the bathroom and kneeled on the floor in front of her, grabbing her hands. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said gently.

She let out a few more sobs, then tried to collect herself. “I feel like,” she used her palm to wipe a tear from her cheek, “I haven’t had time to grieve.”

“I know,” he said.

“I had to push the news aside so I could be happy for our wedding, and then I had to push it back again so we could enjoy our honeymoon,” she confessed. “But I need to grieve, too, Ezra.”

“I know,” he repeated. “I’m sorry.” He leaned over and grabbed a tissue from the bathroom vanity, then handed them to Aria. She used it to wipe the tears, then leaned into Ezra’s embrace.

“I picked this up while i was out,” he said, removing the contents from the bag. It was a small stuffed lion, the perfect size for a small child.

Aria let out a small laugh through her tears, taking the lion from Ezra. “What’s this for?”

“It’s for our first child,” he explained. “No matter how or when they enter our lives, they have this souvenir waiting for them, to prove that Mommy and Daddy loved them before they were even ours. We were thinking about them during the happiest moments of our lives on our honeymoon.”

This caused Aria’s tears to return, but this time the tears were different.

“You are going to be a Mom,” he stated confidently. “That isn’t just some far-off dream. That is a promise.“

She nodded, wiping her eyes. “I guess we should go back to the happiest moments of our lives, then,” she said with a small smile.

Ezra gently placed the stuffed lion on the vanity, then extended his hand to Aria. “Shall we go to surprise number 3?”

Aria grabbed his hand and stood, excited to see what her husband had in store for tonight. He hadn’t disappointed yet. 

[ezriagame]

Then and Now Casting

She gave him the look and it was all he needed to know his wife’s answer. Sighing irritably, he leaned down to her level and whispered, “And what’s wrong with this one?” You haven’t liked any of them.

“He’s not tall enough,” she whispered, as if it were obvious.

He looked away from Aria and faced the front of the room, trying to guess just how tall the actor was. Maybe 5’10”? He certainly wasn’t short by any means. 

Aria and Ezra were sitting at the end of a long table with the casting director and other producers of Then and Now. As producers of the film that was based on their novel, the studio had given the couple a large say in the casting process. But with Aria’s extreme pickiness, Ezra was afraid their input would be taken away soon. They probably auditioned every male in southern California for the character based on Ezra, and none of them were good enough for Aria’s standards.

“We have to settle on someone, Aria, or this movie is never going to happen,” Ezra told her during a break between auditions. “There have been a handful of actors who seemed ideal for the role, and the casting director is ready to lose it.”

“Probably because he agrees with me,” she said, shrugging. “None of these guys can pull it off.”

He crossed his arms in front of his chest, squinting his eyes at her as he tried to get inside her head. “We’re not auditioning the role of your husband,” he reminded her. “It’s just a character based on a character based on me. You don’t have to sleep with the guy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want the world to think my husband is a fool,” she argued. “All of these men make you look like a fool, Ezra.”

He laughed at the absurdity of her reasoning. “I suppose I should take it as a compliment that none of these gorgeous actors who probably work out 15 times a week measure up to your standards.”

Aria twisted her lips, thinking about it for a moment. “You know, I never thought about it that way,” she said. “I guess I’m a lucky woman.” She gently squeezed his bicep, then reached up to give him a quick kiss. Yeah, they were definitely still living in the honeymoon stage of their marriage. “I have to use the bathroom before the next guy,” she told him before excusing herself from the room.

Ezra glanced at his watch, then nervously ran a hand through his hair. This was taking much longer than he expected.

“Did you like anyone?” a producer asked him from the other side of the table. “I think we have some promising potential leads in this batch.”

Ezra nodded. “I agree, but unfortunately my wife does not.”

The producer chuckled. “Well, she is your wife,” he said understandingly.

“I know how we can get her to wrap this up,” the casting director chimed in.

“Uh, how?” Ezra wondered, perplexed. “Because none of these guys are tall enough, or have the right hair, or speak correctly—according to Aria.”

The casting director winked at Ezra as Aria returned to the room, taking her seat. “Ezra, would you stand in front of the room?” he directed.

Following along—albeit, unsure why—Ezra rounded the table and faced the producers and his wife.

“Can you read the first line?” the director requested.

Before Ezra could open his mouth to read an intimate scene between the two main characters, Aria stood from her chair, facing the director. “I don’t think this is necessary,” she said, smiling. “I loved...” she trailed off, looking down at the sheet in front of, full of head shots from different men, “number 43. He was promising. Let’s bring him back.”

“I guess we’re done for the day,” the casting director announced. “Thank you for flying out again, Mr. and Mrs. Fitz.”

Aria was totally fine with a fool playing the role of her husband—as long as her actual husband wasn’t being paid to kiss someone else.

[ezriagame]

Just You and Me

Aria had never met a pie she didn’t like until this moment—and she hadn’t even tasted it yet. She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting on the stool in front of the kitchen island, staring at the pie she had baked only three hours ago when she was happier than she’d ever been in her entire life.

“Congratulations, Daddy!”

She remembered struggling to legibly write the words, first with whipped cream, then with leftover blueberry pie filling so there would be no mistaking what it said. She made it work eventually, the grin on her lips never fading. Her hand would mindlessly rest over her stomach, protecting something she barely knew but already loved so much.

In only a matter of hours, Aria went from thinking she was pregnant, to hearing a lot of statements like “infertility,” “limited options,” and, her least favorite, “almost impossible.” She was confident that the doctors had screwed up the results, somehow, some way. She was too young and healthy to be told she can’t have children.

What if she was never going to be a mom? What if he was never going to be a dad? Would their marriage survive without children? Would Ezra resent her forever? Would he want to marry a woman whose body couldn’t even function like a normal woman?

If only she had told him last night, she wouldn’t be going through this on her own. She wouldn’t have been left alone in a stark-white exam room, digesting the news in a hospital gown that left her feeling ice cold in the air-conditioned space. And she wouldn’t be staring at this disgusting pie.

She wanted to rewind to last night, her last moments of genuine happiness with her fiance before her life was changed forever.

She slid into bed next to her fiance, feeling far too giddy to hide her excitement. Ezra was already in bed, attempting to wait up for Aria before he let himself drift off to sleep. Earlier in the day, they had an important meeting with movie producers wanting to adapt Then and Now into a film, and Ezra hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. Aria, on the other hand, was too excited to feel even remotely tired.

Life was chaotic, but also better than ever. She was getting married to her best friend in a month, their book was on its way to becoming a film—and she just learned they were expecting.

The baby wasn’t planned, but they hadn’t exactly been putting much effort into preventing a pregnancy. Aria and Ezra knew they wanted to start a family soon, so they were enjoying their sex life without exercising that much caution. That being sad, Aria wasn’t too surprised when she realized her period was late, nor when she found herself holding a positive pregnancy test four weeks before her wedding day. Her honeymoon was going to feature a lot less wine than she had imagined…

It was only a few minutes ago that she looked at the test and saw the two lines, indicating she was pregnant. “Ezra?” she said, leaning on her elbow.

“Mhmm,” he murmured sleepily, trying his best to keep his eyes open. It wasn’t working.

She frowned, then lay on her pillow and pulled the covers over her body. She wanted to tell him, but she also wanted him to actually remember the moment he learned he was going to be a father for the first time. It was a dream come true for Ezra, so she was determined to make it special.

“What?” he mumbled sleepily, but awake enough to realize she never responded.

She leaned closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight,” she said, running a hand through his hair. He was so cute when he was half asleep. “I love you.”

“Love you, babe,” he mumbled, then fell fast asleep.

Aria reached over to the nightstand and turned off the light, then tried to fall asleep. Instead her brain went haywire thinking a million happy thoughts about the future, hoping this was some good karma for everything she suffered through the last decade. She finally fell asleep with a smile on her face while brainstorming ways to surprise her fiance with the life-changing news.

Aria heard the door to the apartment swing open, bringing her away from her thoughts. She quickly erased the frown on her face, than smudged the writing on the pie with only her hand. She wasn’t ready to tell him yet, not until she had a second opinion. She wasn’t ready to lose their happiness.

She wiped her hand on a dish towel, then forced a smile for her fiance. She greeted him at the door, then grabbed his face and happily kissed him.

Ezra laughed softly, taken aback by the intensity of her greeting. “What was that for?” he asked, then spotted the pie on the island. “What’s going on?”

“I’m so excited to marry you in 32 days,” she told him, hoping he wouldn’t detect the artificiality in her tone. “I wanted to celebrate us.”

Seeing right through her, he gently grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. “Have you been crying?” he asked, noticing her slightly swollen eyes and pink cheeks. “What’s wrong, Aria?” His voice was soft and comforting, knowing his fiancee was hiding something.

It only made the tears start again.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said, using his thumb to wipe away a tear. “What happened?”

She collected herself, then exhaled a deep breath. “Wedding nerves,” she lied. “I’m afraid something will go wrong, or our families will end up hating each other by the time it’s over.”

He held both of her hands, then looked her in the eye. “Our wedding day will be perfect,” he promised. “No matter what happens, it will be the happiest day of my life because we get to be our own little family afterwards.”

She gave him a small hint of a smile.

“Just you and me,” he continued. “I would be perfectly happy if you were the only person I interacted with for the rest of my life.”

She laughed through her tears. “You’re so anti-social.”

“No,” he said. “I know what I want, and with you, I have everything I’ll ever need.”

She leaned into his side, resting her head in the crook of his neck. He kissed her head.

She didn’t want him to know how true his promise might be.

[ezriagame]

Body Image

Ezra wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his palm as he made his way to the bedroom. He and Aria had moved into their new house shortly before their first child was born. They loved the apartment above the Brew, but it just wasn’t big enough for their growing family. A new house meant a new yard that required yard work, and Ezra was becoming acquainted with cutting grass and pulling weeds. It made him appreciate the many apartments he had lived in before this house.

When he entered his bedroom, he found his four-month-old daughter, Daisy, sleeping soundly in her swing and his wife lying in bed reading a book. “Hey Sunshine,” he said quietly as he took off his sweat-drenched t-shirt. “What would you like for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry,” she answered. “You can have whatever you want.”

He tossed his shirt in the hamper and sat on his side of the bed. Aria wore a pair of unbuttoned skinny jeans...and a frown to match. He lovingly placed a hand on her leg, eyed her unbuttoned jeans, and gave her a confused look.

“I thought my old clothes would fit by now,” she explained, poking her stomach. “I was trying them on.”

“You just had a baby,” he gently reminded her.

“She’s four months old,” she said, her eyes drifting away.

He leaned down closer to his wife, propping himself on his elbow. “Hey,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear and regaining her attention. “You will always be beautiful to me, no matter what size you are.”

She gave him a small hint of a smile.

“You built that,” he said, pointing across the room to where Daisy slept in her swing, “inside of your body. A healthy, living, breathing human being. I can’t even kick a soccer ball.”

“Thank you,” she told him sincerely. “But I’m still fat.”

“And I love you all the more for it because it means we have Daisy.” He immediately regretted his choice of words.

Aria gave him a dirty look, then playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

“That did not come out the way I intended,” he said, laughing. “I meant—”

“If that’s how you feel,” she interjected, sitting up. “I’m going to finish that tub of strawberry cheesecake ice cream for dinner before Daisy wakes up.”

“And I’ll help you,” he said, getting off the bed. “We’re married. We don’t have anyone to impress.”

“You can get your own,” she told him. “But you can help me get these skinny jeans off.” It wasn’t meant as a sexual advance. It took her ten minutes to get them on.

Ezra, however, didn’t take it that way. “I’m happy to help,” he said with a grin.