nxmkyung
Jaehwan’s possibly never felt more in his element. He might be a city guy stuck in the great outdoors, relegated to a sleeping bag instead of his comfy and freshly washed bedsheets in his dorm, fending off insects, but those things are actually not even of a mind for him to complain about right now. Because right now, he’s got the attention of an audience and guitar strings at this fingertips.
The audience is small of course, what can fit adequately around a campfire, but that makes no difference to Jaehwan. Just having these peers of his, these fellow students actively engaging in an activity he’s part of, something he’s instigating meeting their approval and then some, that’s already filled up the insistent need for acceptance. Feeling warm and fulfilled in his little spotlight, Jaehwan relaxes in a way he doesn’t typically. With each request for a song, one he can demonstrate his proficiency on the guitar with easily, Jaehwan’s demeanor becomes more content, his expression lightening, and eventually his eyes closing. If perhaps he feels himself get more into the love song he’s playing and singing than is normal for a campfire setting, well he’ll let it slide this time, because it just feels so good to be appreciated, and for something he enjoys.
At least that’s what he’s assuming is happening until he opens up his eyes again.
Somewhere along the medley of disney love songs, people had begun to branch off from the immediate vicinity of the guitar, the mood of the music getting to them. Jaehwan doesn’t realize this though, doesn’t see them quietly trickle off while he’s immersed in the strumming of the strings and the comfort of his own voice. Its only when the song’s completed, and another request doesn’t come in a long while, that Jaehwan’s eyes open again.
They open to find there’s almost nobody left in his audience.
The relaxation he’d felt is a bit numbing at first, so that he doesn’t immediately feel a sharp pang of insecurity for being left without a word. It does wash over him slowly though as he looks around, oh so hopeful that they’re just playing a little game with him. Because even as good as playing an instrument makes him feel, there’s no getting around the insatiable desire for acceptance he has, and suddenly being abandoned isn’t working for him. A flush starts up on his face, part anger and part hurt, and he’s not able to shut it down before he notices that there’s someone nearby still yet. Its with his gaze betraying whatever cool persona he always attempts to portray, that he looks at the one student with.
And when he notes something like appreciation is there in the other young man’s eyes, Jaehwan can’t help the sudden relief that spreads through him. This, even if it was just one person, it was all he really needed.
Flushing for that reason now, for being unable to bury down just how sensitive and irrational he is, how far from his ideal image he must look right now, Jaehwan tenses his jaw and averts his eyes after staring at the other with what had probably been thankfulness in his gaze for far too long.