seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Indonesia
seen from India
seen from Oman
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Taiwan
seen from United States
seen from Ireland
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Taiwan
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
11/23/2025
Not gonna lie, today was a bad one. Coulda been way better.
And then I saw this video - if you do get a chance, check it out:
wow his reaction is so valid!
has society degraded enough that Neetcode - the man, the legend - has to point out the inherent laziness of modern society
12/07/2025
"When I was little, I never asked anyone if I was an artist. I just cleared enough space on the table to make room for my paper." - Chanel Miller, Know My Name
It's been a week of studying and trying to understand the concepts of statistics. And now I'm onto databases. I have around 3 more hours of the day that I'll remain in this seat for.. and I really do have to get my priorities straight!!
I realize that I have retracted from my former sense of a self. My 10-year-old self would not be this incapable of reading through my lecture slides and writing down a brief summary of what it states. I truly am better than this.
Let's see if I can reflect at the end of the day and if I do myself and this course justice!
12/04/2025
"Some birds sing when sun shines bright Our praise is not for them But the ones who sing in the dead of night We raise our cups to them" - Anais Mitchell, 'We Raise Our Cups' - Hadestown
"For so long I believed I needed permission to return to my life, waiting for validation. I promised myself I would never question whether I deserved better. The answer would always be yes and yes and yes" - Chanel Miller, Know My Name
I'm at the pinnacle of a dream - a belief that I am, I can, and I will. Simply a belief in the better: affirmations, but no real execution. I channel good energy, read through quotes that provide me the little push to keep on going this exam season.
But inside, I know that I've lost a crucial part of myself over my adolescent depression. I've lost my ability to reflect and think in difficult situations - only making it out through difficult social circumstances by chance. While I can continue sit on my flaws - I know I can only make it out by self-assuredness. By ensuring I know who I want to be - what traits and ideas I want to embody. What I want to convey by my personhood.
And who I want to be is a hard-worker - resilient and knowledgeable. Someone who know but isn't afraid to speak of what they do not know. I'm someone who comforts from what I do not share. But I fear - sometimes it does eat me inside. That all these things are happening, and I do not know what I'm doing nor how to handle it. That all these personal issues are invading my ability to progress academically and even socially.
As someone who has lived through decades of stress - I fear that I've locked-in on a safe zone. Here, I am not hurt and I am not challenged. It is so very difficult to leave it, but I really do need to so that I can challenge myself academically. Be able to pursue the academic opportunities I've always dreamed of and ensure myself a better kind of peace.
Today I continue to learn and work at these courses that I should have been caught up on. Unfortunately, I'm not in a great position in my courses. But hopefully, allowing myself this period of reflection will ensure I move onwards and stop thinking of all the things that do not matter - all the things that prevent me from moving out of my 'safe zone'.
12/02/2025
Hello, hello!
It is I, fading, coming to you from the good ol' month of December.
I've come onto a couple of very important - albeit necessary - realizations.
"Why else do any of this if not to become who we are to be?" - Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See
I've always had so much potential - but never any substantial or realizable progress. Nothing concrete to represent my skills/abilities
I've become so lazy. 10-year old me woulda been here finessing the sh*t outta all the courses I'm taking and been taking. What's the difference between the 10-year old me and the 20-ish year old me? Did I live so far to only peak at 10?
Sleep schedule sucks. Allegedly... being productive in the first four hours of the day is a surefire way to ensure a proper sleep. I have no freaking idea how I did it last term :/
Society truly uplifts and praises the consumer who 'consumes'. This idea of brainless consumerism (maybe im brainless, maybe im wise..) - a testament to the evils of capitalism and marketing. This younger generation fallen prey to these measures of instant gratification - serving no less than to sell, sell, sell. Individuals who lose their sense of self in the desire to fit within lines and to draw labels around their corpse. This is no less horrific than the 2000s escapade of eating disorders. Society has fallen prey to a nuanced form of marketing that only continues to ignite insecurities and create a unionized chorus of want, want, want.
Long gone are the days of well-articulated individuals who horsepower through the domains of theasuarus.com, dictionary.com and the like... I feel I'm well-articulated on paper, but never with my voice. This needs to change - and the only way that it will is if I choose to re-define my belief system.
Anyways, anywho, anyhow - today is a day that needs to for sure be focused on finishing up my statistics content! It's not good to dwell in the 'would be's' and the 'won't they's' and instead of the present. Instead, it's better to dwell in real progress!
11/30/2025
"No matter how awful and long your journey, I can promise you the turn. One day it will lift. - Chanel Miller, Know My Name
Alas, winter is sprung anew!
The misty winds and feathered speckles of snow conjure callous incantations - my untethered, fragile heart a source of warmth to brave the wretched cold. I prance upon the ceaseless horizon of unabashed white, wreaking havoc on its terrain. Clandestinely, though, the speckles forage into the boots I sport and relieve its warmth. My body - acting of its own volition - hurries into the nearest shelter. The shelter stands as a sanctuary until I can once again brave myself into the wretched cold.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
We are venturing upon the season of exams.
GASP - absolutely horrendous!
That's alright my besties, because we know that if there's a will - there's a way!
I've got a week remaining to catch myself up to speed and truly prove I have the aptitude to manage myself. Although I believe that I am a good learner - I truly struggle to do things on my own with no clear direction. That's something I truly have to work on.
Anyways.. today's priority is: STATISTICS!
Another thing I really have to work on is my sleep schedule.
Manifesting that today's study sess is a productive one - and that I get through most content :D
11/10/2025
Well - hello there!
I will not deny the rewards you will reap by committing to your physical health!! Simple steps like: getting adequate sleep, doing exercise, drinking water, and eating fruits have had a noticeable difference in my mental stability.
In order to brave the cold - that is ever so abundant this time of year - it is necessary that I become disciplined to my own body. It is also necessary that I learn to prepare ahead of time. Nay, worship my goals instead of materialistic gods.
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙
Mental clarity is so difficult to achieve with the hustle and bustle of our current society. With attempts to rewrite our stories and imprint it on a digital medium - it appears that not many are truly grounded within their own lives.
As a computer engineering student, who learns more and more about the complex technologies that govern our lives - it is more and more apparent that so many don't realize the spectacle therein. Concepts like serial protocols, transistors and operational amplifiers are abstracted away - though their very existence is a testament to the innate creativity of the human race.
I also find it so interesting that education today is focused on regurgitation. And even that has proved to get far more difficult by the minute - with students choosing to opt for artificial algorithms (freaking vectors) over learning. I really admire Robin Waldun, a literature graduate who encourages people to get back into the habit of reading. He often discusses the alarmingly high rate of non-reading individuals in modern society.
It is apparent that amidst this political climate, individuals need to be more literate. To be educated enough to employ critical thinking skills, and truly embody their own opinions. And the worst part of it all is how politically illiterate I am :/
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙
To add to that, I've recently been re-reading 'All the Light We Cannot See' by Anthony Doerr and listening to Cabaret. It is so very interesting how two pieces of media seem to tackle a historical period and yet have very different commentary. I fear that these two pieces of media will occupy the crux of my next few 'reflection' posts.
If you are an individual, for some reason traversing the depths of my studyblr I embolden you to listen to this piece - it's a beauty:
Whose to say that I haven't listened to Adam's version of the song maybe 3 or 4 times a day for the past week?
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙
At the end of the day.. I need to really foster my mental capacity to learn - and truly worship myself, and my goals. That's the only way to go about it! I've also come around to realize that: loving yourself is the only right answer. I've found that loving myself has truly allowed me to make more meaningful connections with my friends/peers, and allowed me to make healthy decisions that allow me to grow!
11/09/2025
Today is a new day!
Although it has been unproductive, it is important to recognize that there are yet 12 more precious hours to do work!
As an individual who has a preconceived notion of 'lesser mental strength', it is difficult to push through long work sessions. As someone who aspires to be the best possible person that I can be - I need to ditch this 'framework'.
Having a growth mindset is important and would further allow me to do well within this last month of the school term.
This week, I am focusing on finishing my lab work! This way I can then focus on content-catchup relative to several of my courses.
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ ₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ ₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
Don't you want to be alive before you die? - Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See
₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ ₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ ₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊
Although I've read All the Light We Cannot See before, I decided to do a re-read. I actually signed out the book around 2-3 months ago, and unfortunately have 'plateaued' in my reading progress. I'm hoping to also do more of that - I'd honestly prefer it compared to the meaningless scrolling I often put myself through.
Today is also the first day of snow where I'm from. I'm so excited for Christmas to come. But I truly need to do more work so I can succeed with my courses, and enjoy the Christmas holidays.
11/07/2025
This is hard work, I've worked hard for a long time. It's not about winning, but what it's about is not giving up. if you have a dream, fight for it. If there's a discipline or passion - and it's not about how many times you get rejected, or you fall down, or you're beaten up. It's about how many times you stand up and are brave and you keep on going. - Lady Gaga, Best Original Song for 'Shallow' Award Speech
I really love this speech - you can absolutely tell how her efforts were a labour of love, and consistent effort.
⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆
Whispery white winds tremor and whistle icy tones into the beyond
As winter quickly approaches, and with one month left to catch up to speed this term - I truly need to be practicing intentional actions. That is, ensuring that there is a greater purpose behind my decisions. Using my brain - the powerhouse that it can be - to think on what could be done better and reflecting it within my actions.
Truly, not all days will be good ones. But I firmly believe that exercising my brain and body in more ways will allow me to feel rather fulfilled - and thereby happier? But truly succumbing to 'ways of the world' and going through just the motions of the day will prevent myself from being the best that I can be.
And isn't this what it is all for - to be come the best that I possibly can be?
⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆
And let's get to other thoughts of the day!
As someone who loves musicals, and took a break from them - I've started to listen to them again! Probably also because my playlist became the exact same 10 songs, and I simply couldn't stand it anymore. Furthermore, I have travelled down the Hadestown to Cabaret pipeline (iykyk). And I'm obsessed with Eva Noblezada's rendition of Maybe This Time. And Adam Lambert's I Don't Care Much is absolutely spectacular. These and a couple of other songs have been in the rotation recently, and really inspired me to take a step back and do a crash course on history and political movements.
I truly despise the fact that I am politically illiterate, and I hope that this changes!
