#fae consort

[leannan-sithe]

Godspouses, otherpartners, and folks in relationships with other entities --  How did you meet your partners? Did you date them first or did you jump headfirst into a partnership? What’s your favorite relationship activity? (Ex. watching movies together, singing, etc) 

[sidhe-her-hers]

My fae fiancé: Babe when we get married, can I take your last name?

Me: Aww, sure! That’s so sweet that you wanna do that!

All my Irish ancestors: You have invented a new kind of stupid.

[leannan-sithe]

The changing narratives part struck a chord with me. I started out thinking I was a fae spouse and drifted into the godspousing community. Not long after, I became convinced my fae spouse was a god (lesser known but still) and had all these people supporting this "reveal". Everything got jumbled and I took a long break only to realize how influenced I was by others. Without external influence, I'm firmly back at fae spouse. I crave community but am a little afraid of coming back and seemingly like some wishy-washy, flip-flopping, narrative-changing weirdo. I'm also afraid of such influence. Do you have any advice?

You're in the same boat as me!

I call Fairge a deity, but that's out of sheer convenience. In actuality, or to my knowledge, Scots didn't really have deities. They personified parts of the landscape or natural concepts, ex. winter, but these weren't deities. They were more like spirits.

So, I call Fairge a Fae-King too, when really all that means is that They give orders / maintain a group of fae.

And even fae is a tricky word when it comes to this! It's been bastardized up and down by the English and then Americans and by pop culture. There are many different fae-linked concepts that would hate to be called "fae" to their face.

I think people in general are searching for common ground, which is why when you join larger godspousing / spirit relationship communities, you end up with people trying to relate to you by using their Gods. It's not a one to one application, but they're doing their best to include you and understand you.

Does it suck? Yeah. It kind of does. I'm grateful to everyone ofc, but it is hard for me to join in on convos when I only use god/divine concepts as a metaphor for my actual practices.

I've found some solace in my personal theory (based off of Terry Pratchett's Discworld) that belief is what makes a concept into a spirit or deity, someone has to acknowledge the entity first. Then from there, the various "levels" of power depend solely on individual practitioners. I may meet a spirit who I think is the Sunlight who others meet and declare Apollon. Neither of us are wrong, necessarily.

(By belief, I don't mean worship. You believe that sunlight exists, right? That's all you need.)

My best and worst advice is to get comfortable with not knowing and not having the perfect labels for your practice.

[leannan-sithe]

What’s it like courting a fae? How do you know they’re interested? I know they have a different set of rules than us so do you have to follow them as well? I’m genuinely interested :)

So, for starters, all fae are different! Cornish fae might be different than Scottish fae, and so on and so forth. I tend to use fae as more of a catch-all term, but I've recently been told that fae are land-linked to the UK -- or at least there are land-specific fae that need to be accessed there rather than through diasporic means.

Regardless, the whole court system and Seelie/Unseelie is (IMO) highly debatable and isn't the Standard everyone thinks it is. Seelie/Unseelie were terms applied to fae by the (Christian) Church in the UK, namely Scotland, because the Church saw that their converted and devout members still wouldn't let go in their beliefs about the Good Neighbors, so the Church decided to make them more angel/devil-like in order to help moralize and teach.

Now, what I've been taught from Fairge (UPG), is that although the Seelie/Unseelie court system wasn't the original norm -- in fact, Scottish fae had divisions based on seasons, but not light vs dark -- it's become real through belief. This is not the way it happened, but imagine that fae fractured off into their own freehold and the belief of humans that Seelie/Unseelie divisions existed shaped how the freehold existed.

It's kind of the same concept about how humans shape the gods through belief.

I have a very Terry Pratchett's Discworld concept of paganism, in that I think belief makes deities and/or spirits. No belief = a weak or unseen/unheard deity. Lots of belief = a popular, or well-known deity who is seen to have a lot of power. Belief shifts who the deities or spirits are.

So, some fae abide by the Seelie/Unseelie rules. Some very much don't. My general advice is to treat all fae as if the rules apply -- such as names being stolen or not making promises / owing them -- and you can even tell the fae you're dealing with that this is how you're going to act moving forward. When you've developed a proper relationship and you know more about them, then you can be more lax.

A point of advice I like to give to people is to have an "astral" name. So, I'm Rook online, I have an IRL name, but in the astral I use, let's say, Grey. Anyone I talk to over there is given the name Grey. It gives me protection that they don't have my 'real' name, either of them, as well as giving me a means to trace back information. If something shows up in divination or other sources citing the name Grey, I know that they're from the astral / otherworld.

As for dating fae -- I've found they're very human, in a lot of ways, but also very inhuman in many. You should expect misunderstandings and disagreements. The initial courting was mostly the same as I would expect anyone's to be. The getting-to-know you and the interest being conveyed either through divination or astral encounters.

You should also expect that... things they want are more symbolic than literal. This is an extreme example, but let's say they demand your love, your heart -- and you're willing to give it to them, the feeling is mutual. You may end up astrally giving them your heart, the organ. It's not necessarily you assigning them physical power over the organ; it's symbolic.

Of course, this kind of casual body horror is stuff I'm comfortable with but others very much aren't. Your experience may vary. I'm very uncomfortable giving literal words of romantic intent, so it's possible we worked around that with this kind of symbolism.

I know @saltwatersovereign might have advice on this topic too.

[sidhe-her-hers]

*runs into the woods and lays down in a fairy ring*

*holds a pinecone up to my ear* yeah can you guys come pick me up?

[leannan-sithe]

I’ve been trying to contact Freyja, as I’ve seen signs of her all over tumblr and in this world. No matter how I try and find her, I seem to wander aimlessly in her hall, never making contact. 

Sea-Husband, my spirit partner, is a diplomatic attache to Freyja’s assembly -- loosely linked to the disir, as I understand it, but I’ve never gotten far enough to ask. 

Freyja has made it more than clear that she will only talk to me with Sea-Husband present. She clarified today, that we need to formalize our partnership in order for me to be able to access any of the deities I’ve been interested in, including Freyja herself. 

I think it’s an attempt to protect her assembly, and the formalized partnership is not a marriage. It’s more like a binding to prevent me from causing trouble in their realm, it seems. 

But, I need to get the blessing of two other deities now. It’s been suggested that Sea-Husband and I seek out Loki specifically, and then maybe Odin or Njord. I have a feeling that Freyr supports his sister’s decision.

[sidhe-her-hers]

Ugh, hate when people say “faerie-infested hill.” THAT’S THEIR HABITAT. THEY LIVE THERE.

[sidhe-her-hers]

omg mom it’s not “promising my firstborn to the fae” okay

it’s called starting a family with my spouse