Ivity and Anx: part twenty-one
Summary: Virgil and Roman hate each other to the core of their beings, but both become friends with a new stranger via the Sarrahas Project. Virgil takes to Creativity as well as Roman does to Anxiety, but they don’t know the true identity of the ones they’re slowing falling for.
Word count: 6615
Warnings: Body image issues, self-destructive thoughts, eating disorder/starving purposefully, negative thoughts about body, mild panic attack, talk of court hearings and trials, mild talk of parental abuse, a lot of swearing
Pairings: Slowburn Prinxiety, Logicality
A/N: sometimes i wish this was the last chapter purely so it stopped at 21 like twenty one pilots. the summary stopped applying to the entire story like,, halfway through but i dont want to change it because thats what this story was originally centered around btw logan’s birthday is august 31st, 2001
taglist at the end; masterlist
Roman was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’d gotten out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and froze when he saw his reflection. He knew that he’d gain a little when because Virgil was making him eat at least two full meals a day, but what he saw was ridiculous. It was like he’d eaten nothing but butter, potato chips, and cake for the last week. He’d gained so much weight.
He couldn’t see his collarbones anymore. Roman ran his hands over where they once were. He could still feel them, but they weren’t as noticeable as before. Next Roman moved his hands to his face and squished it. There was far more chub to his cheeks than before.
Roman felt his breathing getting faster as his mind started racing. Roman, you fucking idiot! How could you let yourself eat that much food?! Look at yourself! You’ll never lose any of that back. You’ll be this ugly mess of a man forever now. Damn it, Roman! Slowly Roman sank to the floor and held his arms around his waist, trying to squeeze it in.
Virgil just finished with a court hearing to decide his fate. He found out that nothing would be set in stone until after the trial. However, he had no relatives to move in with while his father was in prison, so that left two options. He owed Patton more than anything because without him saying that his family would be willing to take Virgil in, he would’ve ended up in the foster care system. That idea scared him senseless because he’d never get out. Who would have wanted a teen as fucked up like him?
Virgil sighed as he unlocked the door to Roman’s house, glad that Roman had lent him the key before his hearing. It felt weird walking into the house without Roman next to him. Almost like he didn’t belong there. He looked around the bottom floor to tell Roman the news. When he didn’t see Roman downstairs he decided to head upstairs to the room he was staying in to start folding his clothes and tell him after.
Once he got to the top of the stairs he could faintly hear sobs from the other side of the closed bathroom door. He didn’t see the other car in the driveway--just Roman’s in the street--so he knew Roman was the only one home. Virgil quickly rushed to the door and knocked on it, his anxiety going through the roof. “Princey?” He listened but the only noise that answered him was a choked sob. His hand grasped the gold doorknob handle. “Ro, I’m coming in.” Virgil quickly turned the doorknob and rushed inside, glad that it was unlocked. His heart broke when he saw Roman curled in on himself on the floor. He rushed to the other boy’s side and kneeled next to him. Hesitantly, he put his hands on Roman’s shoulders like Logan often did to him. He tried to quell the awkward feeling rising in his stomach brought on by Roman’s shirtless shoulders. “Princey. Look at me.” Roman shook his head, still crying and still facing the ground. He said something, but it was too faint for Virgil to understand. “Ro, please. You need to look at me. I need to know what’s wrong.” Virgil hated how his voice broke on the word ‘please,’ but he didn’t care. Roman needed help. Slowly, as if doing the action in water, Roman lifted his head just enough that he could look at Virgil from under his wet hair. “You don’t wanna look at my ugly face.” Roman mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard. Virgil felt his heart break once again. “Roman,” he started, voice almost wavering. The name felt odd on his tongue, but a good kind of odd. “Your face is not ugly.” “Yes, it is!” Roman screamed. Virgil was taken back by the sudden change but did not move. “It’s hideous and fat! I’m fucking fat, Virgil! Look at me! You can’t see my fucking collar bones anymore and my fucking face is huge and you can see my stomach and I don’t have any fucking abs anymore and it’s all just ugly!” “It is not ugly, Princey, nor are you fat. You’ve started eating regularly. After so long of you starving yourself your body thinks it’s going to happen again, so it tries to fight that. Fuck, I wish I knew as much as Logan right now. He’d be able to explain why better than me. I looked it up before, and your body holds onto the fat for a while after you stop starving yourself so it can burn it later if you stop eating again. But once it realizes you’re eating regularly without starving it, it’ll burn that fat away. You don’t have to starve yourself to look thin. Just give your body time.” “I don’t have that time! Damn it, Virgil, you don’t get it! I have to look good because it’s how I’m supposed to as the Prince! This this this useless ugly flab is going to ruin that!” Tears were streaming down Roman’s face. Virgil didn’t know how to help his friend. He knew that he wanted to because he cared deeply for him, maybe even loved him in a way. Closing his eyes, Virgil tried to remember how Logan helped him through a freakout. Right now he just hoped he would find a way to help Roman like he’d been helped. “Roman. Roman, I want you to take a deep breath for me okay? Do you think you can do that?” Virgil watched as Roman tried to take one but it came out shaky. “It’s okay Roman. Roman, we can do it again. I’m going to count it out with you okay? Ready?” Roman watched his friend help him through the breathing exercise that he had used to help calm Virgil down. It was slow going, every few breaths at first, Roman would let a sob escape. Virgil never seemed upset by that. He just kept reassuring that it would be okay and went back to counting. Eventually Roman was able to do one full set without sobbing, then a second. After the fifth cycle of breathing Virgil smiled at Roman. “Good job.” Gently he used his sweater paw to wipe the tears off the other man’s face. “You did really good, Roman.” Roman couldn’t help but sniff. “Thank you.” He said softly. “Of course, Sir Sings-a-lot.” There was a faint smile tugging on Virgil’s lips. “Look, I know that dealing with… shit, what does Logan call them? Cognitive… something. Fuck,” Roman couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Virgil was getting. “Anyway, it’s when your brain makes something out to be worse than it really is. Dealing with that is really hard, and I’m not expecting you to be better right now, but I want you to know that you are not ugly or fat. Yes, you’ve put on a couple pounds, but that’s your body trying to prepare to starve again. If you keep eating regularly your body will see that it doesn’t have to store those pounds anymore and it will be used up. “You’ll be looking like your stunning Princely self in no time,” Virgil’s heart beat slightly faster as he said that for a reason unknown to him. “But you have to keep eating how you have been. I know it’ll be hard but trust me. It will be worth it.” Roman couldn’t help but admit his heart did a flip at Virgil calling him ‘stunning’. “How do you know it’ll go away?” “Dude, I’m not Logan. I don’t have a list of reasons ready at the drop of a hat. But I looked into what your body does while combating an eating disorder before I knew you were Ivity. I wanted to know as much about what you were going through to help as much I could... Your body stores the fats of any food you eat so it has something to burn off when you stop eating again. That’s why everything looks worse than it actually is. But it will get burnt off when your body realizes that it doesn’t need to store it anymore.”
“How long do you think that will take?” Roman asked tentatively, shifting on the floor. As he became very aware that he was in nothing but a towel, a blush rose to his face.
Virgil noticed the blush but didn’t realize why. He’d forgotten about it himself. “It depends on you. If you keep eating like we have been, a couple weeks? If you go back to starving for any period of time it’ll be longer. But I’m going to be here to help you through it.” He gently moved his hand down to be reassuringly on Roman’s arm. In doing so his eyes were drawn to Roman’s body. As it dawned on him again why Roman was blushing, he couldn’t help but blush as well. The two boys sat flustered on the bathroom floor for a few moments. Roman was the first to speak. “Thank you, Virgil.” “Of course, Princey. It’s the least I could do after you pulled me back from several attacks. Sorry I wasn’t better at it.” Roman shrugged. “You didn’t know what would help me. And you tried which means a lot. Sorry for snapping at you.” “‘S okay. Logan’s heard what he’s deemed as my ‘demon voice’ a couple times when there was a really bad attack so I think it’s more normal.” “Your ‘demon voice?’” Roman asked, raising his eyebrow. “He said it sounds like my voice gets lower when I’m dealing with some really bad stuff. I can’t tell the difference but I guess Logan can.” “Interesting,” Roman commented, remembering something similar happening during Virgil’s worst attack. “I don’t want to hear that more than once.” “What, scared?” Virgil teased him. “I thought Princes were supposed to deal with scary things?” “Ha. Ha.” Roman answered sarcastically with a smile before looking more serious. “I don’t want to know what it sounds like again because I don’t want you to have an attack that bad again.” Virgil’s jaw dropped open for a minute. “Uh… I…” “It’s okay. I know you were trying to get me to smile. And it worked.” “Good.” “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go change and you can tell me how your court hearing went.” “Yeah. Sounds good.”
Virgil scrambled to his feet and offered Roman a hand. Roman accepted it and got to his feet, his other hand holding the towel in place. After both were standing Virgil let go of Roman’s hand and rushed out of the room, his cheeks still faintly rosy. What he couldn’t see was the tint on Roman’s face as well as he walked to his bedroom to change. Roman closed the door to his room and sighed. He knew that Virgil was right, but it was still hard. He felt gross in his own body. Quickly he got dressed, putting on one of his baggier shirts. Once that was done he walked back into the bathroom to hang the towel back up. With a sigh, he turned and faced the mirror.
Without knowing why Roman gently poked at his cheeks and then his stomach. “It will be alright, Roman.” He said softly under his breath, hoping that saying the words out loud would make them come true. “You’ll be ok. You’ll look like you again. Patton will still love you like this. Virgil will still care for you. He already proved that.” With a deep breath, Roman squared his shoulders and walked out of the bathroom towards his brother’s old room. Gently he knocked on the open door.
Virgil looked up from his folding. “Hey. Come on in.” “Hey.” Roman walked in and gently sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb any of the folded clothes. “Want some help?” “You don’t have to.” “I don’t mind.” “Alright. No point in turning down the help.” The two worked in silence for several minutes. Roman was worried about what Virgil found out at the hearing but he wasn’t sure how to ask. Virgil wanted to tell Roman the good news about Patton’s family taking him in, but he figured the monotonous task would help calm him. Finally, Roman’s curiosity got the better of him. “Hey, Virge?” “Yeah?” “How did the thing go?” “It went okay. I found out nothing is set in stone but for now, I’m away from him. Since he’s in jail.” “That’s awesome, Virgil,” Roman’s relief was clear. “Wait. Where are you going to go then? Are you going into the system?” Panic was showing again. He hated that he couldn’t help. His mothers knew that he felt strongly for Virgil, but they were worried that if he stayed for much longer, there would be constant ‘alone time’ between them. Virgil shook his head. “Thankfully no. If no one had offered to take me in I would’ve, but Patton’s family is going to take me in. They said they’ll have a small bed ready for me in Patton’s room tomorrow and that I can have the couch tonight.” “I’m glad that his family is willing to take you in. I’m sorry you couldn’t stay here. My moms were being ridiculous in their reasoning, but there’s no arguing with them.” “It’s alright, Roman. Honestly. The fact they let me stay for so long means a lot.” “Still,” He saw Virgil shrug. “Anyway, you’ll like spending that much time with Patton. I think.” “It’ll be tiring, but I think I’ll get used to it. I like Patton so it’s a bonus.” “You’ll get used to his excitement.” The worry Roman had throughout the day was finally gone. He knew that Patton would be able to help Virgil and keep him safe. “And I’m glad you like him.” “Even if I didn’t, I would be seeing a lot of him between you and him being best friends and him and Logan being together.” “Fair point. So it really is a bonus that you like him.” Virgil nodded. “I owe him a lot. If he didn’t talk his family into taking me in I would’ve ended up in the system until I was eighteen. No one would want someone so fucked up.” “You don’t know that. And you’re not that fucked up.” Roman became defensive when the other boy scoffed. “You’re not.” “Seriously, Princey? The guy who has anxiety and panic attacks basically every day isn’t fucked up? If I’m not fucked up then I don’t know who is.” “You have effects of your life showing themselves. Honestly, if anyone went through what you did and didn’t have some pretty bad anxiety, I’d think they would be pretty messed up. You have the anxiety because of what you went through. What was it Patton told you? ‘Scars are a tapestry of our experiences’ I think it was. Think of your anxiety as another scar. It shows you that you survived a horrible experience.” “Well aren’t you one for turning manure into flowers.” Virgil said dryly, though he couldn’t help but feel a little bit better about his anxiety. “It’s a gift,” Roman replied with a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. “Seriously, I think you’re less fucked up than I am.” “Okay, now that is a load of fucking shit, Ro.” “I don’t think it is.” “You feel the way you do because that’s how society has made you feel. If you can’t see your ribs and collarbones and don’t have a six-pack, you’re not handsome. But they’re wrong. And what you’re feeling isn’t bad or stupid. You’re going against what others have shoved down your throat for years and it’s even harder for you since you’re working in the part of society that idolizes that look. But you can still be handsome without looking that way. Patton doesn’t fit that mold and yet Logan gets all tongue-tied around him.” “That’s because Patton is easy to love.” “Not in the same way. You don’t love Patton the same way Logan does.” Roman shrugged. “I still don’t like how I am.” “No one really likes who they are. But with time they learn to accept who they are. I know I’m a fucked up person with horrible anxiety and scars covering my body. And for a long time, I thought the scars were ugly and just made me even worse than I already was.” Virgil raised his hand to stop Roman from protesting. “But you and Patton are helping me see that I’m more than my scars. That they don’t show who I am. Just like you not liking your body doesn’t show who you are. And with support and time, you’ll learn to accept it. Besides, it’s nicer to hug someone who doesn’t feel like a skeleton.” Roman couldn’t argue with Virgil’s last comment. He enjoyed Patton’s hugs immensely, partially due to the fact that there was more to hug and that he flowed warmth and comfort. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wondered if he was nicer to hug now. Patton would tell him he was always nice to hug though so Roman didn’t know if he’d ever get the true answer. “Maybe...” Roman you know you’ll never accept yourself, why even lie? “You will, Princey. Just give it time.” Virgil looked at Roman intensely. “To quote Patton, ‘you’re stronger than you seem.’ Just keep moving forward.” “You don’t play fair, Virgil. You turned Patton’s words on me.” “You started it. I’m just returning the favor.” The duo finished folding the clothes in silence. Virgil gently put them into the backpack that Patton lent him. He put the PJs on the top as a reminder to wash and return them to Roman as soon as he could. As much as Roman was glad Virgil was staying with Patton he didn’t want to let the emo leave. He enjoyed spending time with Virgil and having him around. It helped pushed Roman’s fears away knowing that he could protect the lanky boy if he needed. Roman knew that he was safe at Patton’s at well but it didn’t make it easier. “-ey. Ivity.” Virgil’s voice broke through to Roman. “I’m sorry. What?” “I said Patton was talking about doing brunch tomorrow to celebrate getting a roommate.” “Oh. That would be fun.” “I thought it would be nice.” Just then the doorbell rang. “That’s probably Patton.” “I’ll walk you down.” Virgil picked up the backpack and stood up. Roman stood a moment later and lead the way out of the room into the main floor. Virgil put the bag down to grab his shoes as Roman opened the door. “Hi, Ro!” Patton greeted cheerfully. “Hey, Pat. Virge is just getting his shoes on.” Roman moved to let the younger boy in. Patton stepped into the house, closing the door behind him. “I’m pretty sure that Virgil already told you but I was thinking of you, me, Virgil and Logan going out for brunch tomorrow to celebrate. Plus I think it’d be a nice way to kind of relax, even for a little while.” And for Lolo’s birthday but if I say anything in front of Virgil he might tell Logan. “He did. And it sounds wonderful.” Patton bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. “It’s going to be so exciting having a roommate and someone my own age at the house.” “I’m like a year older than you Patton.” Virgil said, slinging his backpack over one shoulder. “That’s nothing. We’re still in the same grade so we’re basically the same age” “Whatever you say, Pat.” There was a small smile forming on Virgil’s lips. “Are you ready to go?” “I am.” He turned to look at Roman. “Thank you Princey. For everything.” “You’re very welcome Virgil. I’ll still be here in you need anything.” “Likewise. See you tomorrow then.” “Until then my wonderful subjects.” Roman said with a smile, striking a pose. “I take it back, I thank you for everything but that.” Patton couldn’t help but smile proudly at the two boys in front of him. “See you tomorrow kiddo!” He said as he and Virgil walked out of the house. Virgil followed behind Patton. Despite everything he’d been through this was the first time he felt truly free. Staying with Roman was a reprise from everything, but now knowing that his father was going to be away from him, even for a while, made him feel weightless. He watched as Patton started the car and turned to wave at Roman. As Patton started to drive away he couldn’t help but look forward to his new future, for however long it lasted.
Patton woke up early in the morning as he often did. He stretched his arms over his head and smiled, happy for the new day. It was an extremely important day. It was the first morning that Virgil was staying with him as well as Logan’s birthday. Patton practically bounced off the bed and made his way to the closet. The youngest boy pulled out two boxes. One contained a joke gift he was going to give Logan, which was cat ears that moved by the power of brainwaves. The other contained the real gifts of a periodic table shower curtain and a TARDIS cookie jar. Patton quickly wrapped the two up neatly, putting a note to open the one containing the gag gift first. Once that was completed, he quietly tiptoed downstairs so he wouldn’t wake Virgil so he could start breakfast. Patton didn’t need to worry, however, because when he reached the bottom of the stairs he noticed Virgil sitting up on the couch. “Morning, Virgil.” He said softly. Virgil’s eyes shot up, fear clear in them until they landed on Patton. Recognition crossed the emo’s face and he visibly calmed. “Oh. Morning Pat.” “Are you okay, kiddo?” Worry ran though Patton like a racecar. The fact that Virgil was so terrified of someone saying good morning to him broke Patton’s heart. A lot of things Virgil was doing was breaking his heart. “Yeah.” Virgil lied. When he noticed Patton’s look of ‘don’t lie to me; I see straight through you’, he sighed, knowing that he’d be better off with telling the truth. “Didn’t sleep well. Still sort of worried that your family might change their mind. And just worried.” Patton furrowed his eyebrows but continued to walk into the kitchen. He knew what Virgil meant by saying ‘just worried’ but he wasn’t surprised. That’s a part of the reason for the lunch today. A way to get Virgil’s mind off of things, even for a little while. “Virgil, they wouldn’t do that. They’re not that kind of people… but I understand the fear. Tell you what, why don’t we make a quick breakfast, and then we can get ready to meet with the others? I wanna tell the people at the restaurant that it’s Lo’s birthday before he gets there.” Panic crossed Virgil’s face as he shifted on his makeshift bed. “Today’s August 31st? Fuck.. fuck! I didn’t finish his present,” Virgil’s hand flew to his hair to tease on it. “He’s going to be so fucking upset. Fuck.” “Language,” Patton said firmly, still standing in the kitchen. “But, it’ll be okay, my friend. We can stop on the way and pick him up something from you if you want. He would never hate you, especially over forgetting a gift with everything else going on,” He took a small step toward Virgil, but there was still plenty of space between the couch and where Patton stood next to the kitchen island. “It’ll be okay.” Virgil tried to bring his panic back in check. He knew that Patton was right, but that didn’t stop the guilt from rising up in his chest. He’d never forgotten to buy, or finish making, Logan something for his birthday since the two became friends. You fucked this up too Virgil. His mind started to play. Logan’s going to hate you. He’s going to tell Patton that you’re a horrible friend. You fucking ruin everything, Virgil. Patton saw Virgil slowly start to spiral down, but he had no idea what to do. Since the older didn’t like to be touched much, and the younger comforted mainly through touch, the two were at an impasse. In an attempt to calm Virgil’s fast running brain, Patton sat down next to Virgil. He hoped the warmth and solidness of a friend next to him were grounding to the older boy. He seemed to be right, as Virgil leaned toward Patton. He didn’t touch him, but there was definitely a move to get closer.
In an attempt to further calm his friend, Patton decided to do what he saw Logan doing sometimes in the midst of panic: ask yes or no questions. “Did you already start on something for Logan’s birthday?” Virgil made a noise of agreement. “Good. I’ll tell you what, do you want to get ready and we can stop at your house?” Another sound of agreement from Virgil. “We can finish the present and maybe get him a jar of Crofters on the way as an apology for not trying the delicious jam for so long?” Patton teased, but it wasn’t in a mean kind of tone. He knew now with Virgil’s dad arrested, he would be safe going back there. Plus, going back to a place that was the home of so much trauma would be easier with a friend by Virgil’s side. Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle at that, the calm way Patton spoke mixed with the kind joking helped put him more at ease. “I think I’d owe him a lifetime supply of Crofters if that were the case. And… thank you. For coming up with a solution,” He was definitely calmer than before, but still was a bit shaky when he took in a deep breath. “I’m good at pointing out problems, but not really solving them.”
“No problem, kiddo. Now, where do you live again?”
Virgil and Patton were already sitting at Logan’s favorite corner booth at the Corner Cafe when Roman walked in. Patton saw him first, since he was the one facing the door, and waved him over. Roman smiled upon seeing Patton, walking over quickly and sliding in next to Virgil. He placed the bright red, glittery gift bag on the floor by his feet. “Greetings, wonderful citizens!” Roman declared. He must have been feeling better from his break down the day prior. Patton giggled, his body wiggling in his seat as he did so. “Hi, Ro!” “Uh, Princey?” Virgil asked, making a facial expression that was a cross between a sneer and one of being uncomfortable. “Yes, Yung-brutting?” Roman turned to face Virgil instead of Patton as he talked, using a pun off of the musician YUNGBLUD. “Switch spots with me?” Virgil hated feeling trapped between the wall and Roman. He always needed a clear path of escape. It was one of the reasons he and Logan’s favorite booth was right next to the emergency exit. But now, Roman was blocking his path out. Roman could tell that Virgil was feeling uncomfortable, even behind that sneer. Without a second thought, he made a sound of agreement and moved out of the seat. Once Virgil had moved out as well, he slid back into it. Virgil sat next to Roman again with a small grunt, and an even smaller, “Thanks.” “You’re welcome.” Roman all but whispered back to him. “So, Roman, how was your morning so far?” Patton broke into the conversation, almost interrupting Roman, as he didn’t hear the exchange of thanks. “It was wonderful. I had some toast with Crofters and an apple for breakfast.” “So it made you look like even more of an asshole?” Virgil quipped. “Language young man.” Patton chastised him. At the same time, Roman made an offended noise, doing his signature mock hurt hand pose. It was, thankfully, quieter than normal though. He must have been avoiding attention at the moment, which made both people at the table happy. “Excuse you! And I understand that reference, but still, excuse you!” Virgil could help but chuckle, but before he could respond Logan, walked up to the table with ‘Salutations’ on his tongue. His eyes immediately found the presents under the table, which made him crack a tiny grin. “Hi, Lolo!” Patton said as he stood up and hugged the other. “Happy Birthday.” Logan gently wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, still not completely comfortable with just how affectionate Patton was. He hugged back anyway because he would do anything for Patton, even if the touch was still a little too white-hot on his skin. “Thank you, Patton.” Virgil could tell that his friend wasn’t completely comfortable with the exchange. While he didn’t know a lot of Logan’s past or the reason why physical signs of affection were so odd for him, he understood. That’s why most of the time the two would do hand touches to show the care or concern. Actually, that’s how Logan putting his hands firmly on Virgil’s shoulders to help ground him started. “What’s up, Pocket Protector?” He asked as Patton slid back into the booth, scooting over far enough for Logan to join him. “Nothing truly,” Logan answered as he sat. “It has been a mostly peaceful morning, though I had overslept which will throw off my circadian rhythm until I am able to correct it.” He noticed that Roman had a confused expression. “Simply put, I will need to fix my sleeping and waking schedule.” “Ah. Thank you for not expecting us all to be nerds and understanding that.” Logan rolled his eyes as Patton giggled. “Well, it’s your birthday. You’re allowed to do what you want today.” “Honestly I wish for a peaceful, relaxing day among friends.” “I think we can manage that one for ya Lo,” Virgil said, knowing that Logan’s life had been thrown into chaos lately. “Let me take a wild guess what you’re getting. Cuz it’s not like you’ve ever gotten it before.” There was a playful yet knowing smirk on Virgil’s lips. Logan rarely differed in his order since he found his favorite. Logan couldn’t help the fond smile that tugged on his lips. “You’re correct.” “What is it you normally get, Lolo?” Patton asked, curious. “Eggs Benedict with an English muffin on the side.” Both Logan and Virgil said in unison. Patton couldn’t help the loving giggle that escaped him. “Well, that sounds eggcellent.”
Roman chuckled at the pun while Logan playfully rolled his eyes. “What are you going to get, Pat?” “I’m gonna get the strawberry pancakes with extra strawberries! What about you, Ro?” “I’m not entirely sure. The spinach and cheese scramble doesn’t sound too bad.” “Nothing this place has is bad.” Virgil assured him. Roman nodded. “What about you?” “Half an order of french toast and a side of hash browns.” “Is that enough food for you kiddo?” Patton asked worriedly. Virgil nodded. “It’s plenty of food.” “If you’re sure.” “It’s his normal order and he occasionally has a few bites left on his plate.” Logan reassured his Heart. When the server came, the four ordered their food as well as their drinks. Logan and Virgil got a cup of coffee, Roman ordered a cup of green tea, and Patton got hot cocoa with whipped cream. Once that was taken care of, Patton pulled out the joke gift. “Happy Birthday, Lo.” “Thank you, Patton.” Logan gingerly took the gift and unwrapped it. He had a look of intrigue and surprise as he pulled the present out. “I-I am at a loss for words Patton. It’s definitely… unique. I’m curious as to how it works. How exactly it reads one's brainwaves to know how the mechanical ears should react is interesting.” “Great cheese pastry he likes it.” Roman’s awe was clear in the tone of his voice. “It is a gift I was not expecting but I am curious about it.” Patton’s smile widened. “Actually I got you another gift too. This one was a joke gift. I’m really glad you like it though.” Logan’s mouth dropped open. “You mean to tell me this isn’t a cunning plan to get me to understand your love of cats?” Patton giggled. “No. But you should learn to love cats.” He handed the other gift over. Logan opened it and smiled at the thoughtfulness. He had told Patton before that the curtain for his shower at the dorm was in dire need of being replaced. Also, it was amazing that Patton remembered his admiration for Doctor Who. An added bonus is he could put many of the Crofters thumbprint cookies in it whenever Patton made some for him. “Thank you, Patton. These are very well thought out gifts and I appreciate them greatly.” “I’m glad you like them Lolo!” Patton smiled widely. “My turn Calculator Watch.” Roman pulled out his sparkly bag and slid it over to Logan. “Thank you, Roman.” Logan hid his annoyance at the glitter that was falling on the table. One thing he noticed about the singer is his love for theatrics and flair. Carefully, Logan pulled out a set of thirty colored pens. Despite his preference for black pens, he couldn’t help but notice these were set in the color of the rainbow, going from dark red and slowly grading into purple by the end. They would be good for color coding. Next, he pulled out a six-pack of highlighters. The next item was a large pack of multi-colored sticky notes. Reaching further into the bag, Logan removed five different Washi Tapes. To his slight annoyance, two of them were glitter based, but it appeared as if the glitter would stick to the tape and not fall on everything. The final item was a dark navy blue bullet journal. Curious about the color of the paper, Logan opened it. To his relief, he saw the paper was an off-white shade as the stark white of some made him more prone to headaches if he stared at it for too long. Despite his initial hesitancy, this was truly a well thought out gift.
“Thank you, Roman,” Logan said as he returned the items to the bag. “As much as the excessive glitter that is now on the table is infuriating, it is an extremely practical gift.” “Well, I had to give some sort of excitement to the gift. Besides, anytime you see the glitter you’ll think of me.” “Whatever you say.” There was a kindness in Logan’s eyes that Roman caught. “So...um…” Virgil said, looking slightly unsure of his gift. He knew that it would mean a lot but that didn’t hide the fact he was worried Logan would be disappointed in it. “Here.” Virgil handed Logan a small box that is wrapped in the same paper as Patton’s. “Thank you, Virgil.” Logan took it and opened it carefully. Inside was a heavy spiral notebook. The front and back black covers were plastic as opposed to the thin cardboard material of most. Gently he opened the front cover to check the color of paper, though he knew Virgil knew about how the colored affected him. What he wasn’t expecting was to find writing on the front page. Carefully his eyes scanned over the first paragraph. ‘Hey there Logan. This is Virgil in the past talking. From April 20th of 2018 to be exact, because you like to be exact. So anyway, in this notebook, I’ve written every memory I have ever made with you. Plus how I feel about them. It’s going to be a lot of fucking reading (and it will be kind of messy at times, you know my handwriting fucking sucks. And fuck I wish I could rip out pages but I can’t, they’re numbered) but I know that you can get through it. I know YOU, Pocket Protector. Just like you know me. And honestly? I’m glad I know you. And, thanks for being in my life. Fuck that was cheesy.’ Logan couldn’t help the tears that were forming in his eyes. Gently he took his napkin and dabbed his eyes under his glasses. He knew that Virgil must have had to save for weeks to be able to buy this notebook, but he didn’t care. The fact that he had taken the time to write all of these things down meant more to Logan than anything he could’ve gotten. “Virgil…”
“I know its a little over the top, but you already have like 15 notebooks for notes, and I knew that one more fucking empty notebook wouldn’t be of any use--” Virgil was rattling off, not looking at Logan but instead at the table.
“I love it.” Logan managed, a small crack in his voice in the middle of the word ‘love.’ That made Virgil look up, which made him see the tears still welling in Logan’s eyes.
“Oh, shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“Just shhh and take the compliment, Virge.” Roman whispered from his spot in the corner. A small glance from both of the darker wearing boys saw that he was smiling fondly. His hand was over his mouth as if he were trying to hide the smile. He loved being able to read upside down. And the fact that Logan had set the notebook flat on the table helped. Patton silently passed his napkin to Logan once he finished reading the paragraph. It took all he had to not coo and squeal at the adorableness of what was written. Virgil had told him earlier what was in the notebook, but seeing Virgil’s heart painted across the page was a whole different story. Logan nodded thanks to Patton as he turned and blew his nose. This moment proved to everyone who called him emotionless that they were wrong. Logan knew that he felt emotions; there was a barrage of them hitting him now. Undoubtedly, love was the one he felt the strongest. It was almost like he could feel the love that Virgil poured into his writing. “I love it,” Logan repeated again once he got himself composed. “Honestly, Virgil. This is a wonderful gift and I... I look forward to reading it.”
“Really?” Virgil couldn’t keep the awe from his voice. “Really.” Logan gently closed the book back up and slid it carefully into the box that also held the cat ears. “Thank you, Virgil.” “You’re, uh, welcome Logan.” Patton smiled widely at the little group of friends. It was clear that the four of them all cared for one another. His heart swelled with love as the food was brought out. He wanted to hug them all close to him and never let go. However, with the table between them all, it was impossible to do. What was possible was for him to gently hug Logan’s arm in a show of love. “Thank you, Patton.” Logan said gently as he took a sip of his coffee. “You’re welcome Lolo.” The four friends ate in mostly silence, just enjoying one another's company. Logan found the peacefulness to be helpful for Virgil which was an added bonus. The young emo was relaxed for the first time in a few months. Logan would cherish this time forever. He just hoped that the calm would last.
And then, the calm did not last.
next part
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