So, for three days in a row I have gotten Temperance, and Five of swords or wands reversed. My first reading with nothing but Major Arcana was pretty enlightening, especially ‘cause it was the same day I had an important doctors visit, but it had certainly set the tone for me the last few days.
It started Monday 09/30 and I had gone to the doctors for a very long-awaited visit. This was an appointment I made back in mid-July. I worked around a vacation previously planned earlier this year in August and an incredibly full September schedule. I had my consultation with a fertility and reproductive specialist about potential Endometriosis and symptoms that had culminated over time and finally came to painful head this past March.
To cut out a lot of the agonizing details, this has been a process of self-advocacy come true. I am being moved on to surgery as a next step, but of course things are up in the air, because of finances and life in general. There’s lots of things going on at work, I have an Etsy I manage on the side, and the holidays are on the horizon. Surgery is also super expensive. It’s very likely I will not have this surgery until next year. The biggest (still on-going) struggle is pain. I haven’t been given anything more than a cocktail of NSAIDS and acetometaphin. Hopelessness barely describes my feelings on the pain management front, but this post is more about my relationship to the cards I’m pulling surrounding these feelings, so I’ll cut to that.
Temperance is a card that cautions patience. It is a message to slow down, take a moment, deeply breathe and relax in the face of adversities. It urges caution and thoughtfulness in the wake of calamity, and most importantly, looks for clarity in the chaos.
This certainly isn’t the first life-altering event of my life. I have accomplished and experienced the most mixed bag of emotional growth over my life and I welcome change. Without delving into a small and time-consuming autobiography, I can assure that everything that has happened until now has built me up for enduring this. After all, I have the Tower as a significator for a reason.
The difficulty that I am facing with this is that I am and have been impatient in getting to this point, regardless of my understanding that our healthcare system doesn’t move very quickly. I fundamentally know that this is going to be a several year journey of me adjusting to living with constant and frequently increased pain from now until we explore possibilities of resolution.
My eagerness for it to be done with couldn’t be more apparent and I am not shocked that Temperance has decided to grace me daily since my visit.
The Fives on the other hand do not have me looking forward to accepting my very “It is what it is” circumstances.
Five of Swords in reverse indicates a loss taken hard. I have in this transition from able-bodied not mentally adjusted to the fact I must really listen to my body. I must reinforce my boundaries with activity, I have to consider my potential pain levels, I have to actively take medication to prevent more pain, I abhor asking for help and now I am forced into a position where I must ask for help. It’s overwhelming the frustration I have felt since March regarding restrictions I’ve learned to respect from my own body. I am mourning the loss of my independent life, free from restrictive pain.
Five of Wands in reverse indicates failure to adopt to new circumstances or the need to adopt or else there will be inevitable failure. The Five of wands is a power struggle. Competing forces at ends with one another, only more difficult in the reversal position.
[Both cards also talk a degree of mistrust is afoot and that one needs to be vigilant, for their own sake.
I want to clarify that I do like my doctor I saw Monday. She was empathetic and understanding and has a successful history treating persons with Endometriosis and counseled me extensively. But I don’t trust our healthcare system, my insurance or my financial stability by any means. I have to be my own advocate in these positions and that has been truly exhausting as well.]
Temperance is the 14th card in the Major Arcana. When I looked further into the card for extra clarity beyond patience, I read that day 14 is the midpoint of the lunar cycle.
And so, I will conclude this is my midpoint in this journey and may it draw to a close soon.
All three of the cards have alternated positions in my daily readings (that can be seen here on my IG https://www.instagram.com/every_witch_way_blog/) but they ultimately still resonate the same energy. So this is me unpacking the messages.
Hope this was at least enlightening, or perhaps inspiring for someone else to read. I like including Tarot in my daily life and I hope that someone else can recognize the healing power a deck of cards can possess when we are faced with adversity.
