Mar 16, 2025
When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and Searching..
When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and SearchingHe stood at the church doors, his hand resting on the worn wood, hesitating. The
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When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and Searching..
When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and SearchingHe stood at the church doors, his hand resting on the worn wood, hesitating. The
When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and Searching
When Faith Feels Distant: A Story of Struggle and SearchingHe stood at the church doors, his hand resting on the worn wood, hesitating. The place that once felt like home now felt like a stranger’s house. He used to walk in without thinking, without questioning. But now? Now, he wasn’t sure if he belonged.There was a time when faith came easily to him. When he felt at home in the presence of God,…
When Faith Feels Distant
He once stood strong in his faith, believing in the goodness of God and the support of the church. But life has a way of unraveling even the most steadfast convictions. Loss after loss, betrayal after betrayal—he found himself questioning everything. A trusted friend, a mentor, passed away, leaving a void that no words of comfort could fill. His mother was gone before he could even process her…
There have been moments when I’ve found myself questioning everything, wondering why it’s so hard for me personally to hold onto my faith in
Why Is It So Hard to Believe in God Anymore?
There have been moments when I’ve found myself questioning everything, wondering why it’s so hard for me personally to hold onto my faith in God. It’s something I’ve pondered for a long time. I know bad things happen to other people, and we’re all touched by misfortune in different ways, but for me, it often feels like I’m God’s punching bag. It’s as if I’ve been singled out for a life full of…
I always find myself running away from God, especially when life gets tough and everything feels too heavy to carry. Instead of leaning into Him, instead of seeking comfort in His presence, I pull away. I distract myself, bury myself in everything but Him, convincing myself that I can handle it on my own. Deep down, I think I know why I do this, but facing that truth terrifies me.
Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I let Him in completely. Afraid that He’ll ask me to confront the parts of myself I’ve spent so long avoiding. The wounds I’ve tried to pretend don’t exist, the fears I’ve buried under layers of distraction and denial. Or maybe, I’m scared that if I truly surrender, I’ll lose control—control that I’ve held onto for so long, even when it’s been slowly destroying me.
And yet, in those quiet moments when I’m exhausted from running, when I’m too tired to pretend anymore, I feel Him still there. Waiting. Not with anger or disappointment, but with the same love and patience He’s always shown me. It’s in those moments that I realize He’s not asking me to be perfect, just present. To stop running and just be.
But choosing to stay, to face what’s inside me and let Him work in me, is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s easier to run, to push Him away, to stay in the cycle of fear and avoidance. But I don’t want to keep living like this. I don’t want to keep running. I want to trust that His love is bigger than my fears, that His grace is enough even when I feel like I’m not.
But I can’t!
It's ironic, isn't it? To speak out for God in the same breath that is exhaled through sinful pleasure. I never thought too hard about my 'simple' sins, as I’ve called them, for I grew up in a world that only glorifies them. Lust. I thought being close to God was going to be easy once I placed my wholehearted faith in Him, but I failed to realize there was a part of me I’ve never been able to stop satisfying. Lust. The devil is real, and he’s not some scary little creature with horns—he can be beautiful. And through all the lust I’ve been satisfying, it's been almost a worship to him. He knows how to use my lust to control me. I didn't feel lust for a while when I walked with God, but now I feel it harder than ever, uncontrollably so. I’ve been stressed, so it’s helped keep me sane. But it’s also made me want for more. In my fantasies, I can keep it in check, but if I were to come face to face with someone beautiful and devilish, like Michael Langdon, I don't know if I would have the strength to resist. This struggle feels endless… and I’m still trying to find my way.
Is it about a girl? Or is it about my struggle with faith? 😏