#fake gnus

[pmfccomic]

A rare sight.

[listing-to-port]

Your 2017 horoscope

Aries: Schools gettin' beary, Aries, that's scary. Aries, you care? Yes? It's time to get lairy.

Taurus: Your instinctive, natural ability to generate bullshit should serve you very well this year, Taurus. Eat up!

Gemini: This year it is your solemn duty to always present both sides of the argument. Make sure to do so in any and all situations, including getting out of bed in the morning. You will need to adhere to modern debate standards, i.e. all exchanges should ideally question someone's right to exist, contain at least three lies at least one of which is completely needless, reference all relevant conspiracy theories and contain a comparison to Hitler.

Cancer: Look out, Cancer. Medical science is coming to get you. Damn those so-called experts!

Leo: Sorry, Leo. No Oscar this year.

Virgo: You go, girl. No, a bit further than that. Bit more. Basically the further you go the better 2017 is likely to be. I'm thinking maybe Patagonia?

Libra: Don't get uppity, Libra. As a pair of scales it is your job to agree with us that things weigh as much as we want them to. And absolutely not to drop weights on people's feet. Bad Libra! We can weigh stuff with our hands, who needs you anyway.

Scorpio: They say you have a reputation for liking lurking beneath stones in blasted, inhospitable landscapes. Boy do I have great news for you.

Sagittarius: Put the bow down, Sagittarius. And no, I can see what you're thinking. No punching them, either. Reasoned debate, Sagittarius. Reasoned debate.

Capricorn: You say Capricorns are goats, but everyone knows they're just fake gnus.

Aquarius: Something tells me you're going to be doing a lot of leaking this year.

Pisces: Yeah, you have the right idea. Stay in the deep sea until this passes. I know a lovely spot in the mid-Pacific where all the monsters on old maps like to hang out. They serve fermented kelp that is just to die for. See you there!

[auraeseer]

Beer Babble

January 27, 2018

Washington D.C.--The Smithsonian Institute has announced the creation of a new exhibition of Eastern African wildlife.  David J. Skorten, the Secretary of the Smithsonian Institute,  invited U.S. President, Donald J. Trump, to take part in the unveiling of the display, which will showcase replicas of Eastern African animals, including fowls, predators, large mammals, and migratory species.  When asked whether the display will include real, taxidermic specimens, Skorten replied that the exhibit will include the most lifelike models, crafted from mineral, wood and synthetic fibers.  White House spokesman Sarah Huckabee Sanders responded that the President would not be participating in the unveiling ceremony since he did not want have anything to do with fake gnus.

[217lemurs]

Fake Gnus...