@fakexpearls asked: Are the daemons in your verse like those in HDM? I've gotten a little confused as to whether they are the physical manifestations of the soul/another part of Jonny and Patrick (which is what I also read them to be in Pullman's series), or are they more distanced? I ask because when I read some of the ficlets, I get a feeling that Jon cares more for Puck than Patrick...which is absurd, but he definitely shows more affection to the little otter than the reader is shown that he gives Patrick. Wow this got longer than anticipated) But that could just be my reading! I wanted to see how I was meant to read it though. =]
Daemon 'verse meta! I haven't had occasion to do this in awhile. *rubs hands* Thank you to fakexpearls for letting me answer this publicly so I could go on and on; I answer asks privately otherwise.
The quick and dirty answer is: Patrick is the love of Jon's life, so no: he doesn't care more for Puck. There's a couple of reasons I can think of that you might have been left with that impression, though. The main one is that most of what I've written in that 'verse since finishing the main core of it in 2013 is tagfic, and my tagfic is always inspired and instigated by a pic, gif, or vid. And usually it's not pics of the guys themselves that are inspirational (save for the odd gif of PKane looking vampirish); it's otters. Otters looking cute, silly, provocative, needy, cuddly, naughty--and then Jon's reaction to all of that.
I didn't want to touch Pullman's theology with a ten foot pole, so I can't really pin down for anyone what the metaphysics of daemon existence is. They're not the same as the human, but in the Old Kingdom AU, at least, I was overt about daemons dying at the instant their humans do. I didn't reread HDM before writing any of my daemon fics, so I honestly can't remember how independent in character they are in his canon.
In mine, daemons obviously have their own personalities, own opinions, own emotions, all of which can come into conflict with their humans. I can't imagine writing a fic where they were the same person in different forms, and trying to wrestle that into any kind of dramatic interest or tension. There's a limit to their differences, but as soon as I started writing Puck--like, literally within that first scene where they're getting out of the car at prospect camp in 2007--he became his own character. I would say that instead of the daemon being a subsidiary of the human, they're a dyad, each with their own autonomy, values and will, all of which are nevertheless interwoven. In both main Walls fics, you see Jonny developing an almost immediate bond with Puck, and in my mind that's the reflection of what he will have with Patrick in time once all the walls between them--of being socialized as straight men, of being competitive hockey players, of having differing, sometimes conflicting, attitudes to life--have come down.
Their respective relationships with each other's daemon are less tangled up in those things. They allow the men to express the trust and affection that's developing. You see that a lot in the first Walls, the importance of physicality and touch with the daemons. It's confusing and disturbing to Patrick to see Puck being so intimate with Jonny, but that's also what pushes him to grow into the person who can allow himself to melt into Jon's touch in the training room scene.
Sometimes there are memes going around where writers answer questions like 'what's your favorite fic you wrote.' I never do them because what my favorite anything is changes daily. Nevertheless, there's something about the second fic in the first Walls series--lim (radius of separation)-->0--that feels like the most intense expression of how I feel about Patrick and Jonny. It's sort of ironic, because I wrote it feeling hugely attacked and under fire in the days after posting the main Walls fic. People on the anon meme, twitter, tumblr, LJ were critical of the way I'd left out the reconciliation sex scene. That wank still colors people's perceptions; not that long ago I saw a reference to Walls that referred to it as being G-rated. I mean, it's not a pornfest, but it's got a graphically described masturbation-fantasy scene with D/s-tinged dynamics, making out with erections, a semi-public blow job, and frotting to orgasm on a hotel balcony. So when I started writing "lim..." a few days later, it was so much in a spirit of 'fuck you' defensiveness that it makes me laugh now. And of course I got into writing it, to the point where, like I said, it might be my favorite. And I guess I'd say it's the most intimate expression of what Patrick and Jonny are to each other in that 'verse. There's sort of an encapsulating moment, when Puck and Griffe come in the bedroom after Patrick and Jonny's first time:
“I’m gonna need some earplugs if you’re like this all the time,” Puck continues. His high spirits aren’t anything unusual, but seem to clash with the quiet intimacy that had surrounded them a moment earlier. “Jonny, Jonny, yeah, oooohhhhh...” he warbles in falsetto, and Patrick doesn’t even have time to be mortified before Jon is sitting up, pointing a wrathful finger at Puck.
“Pangur Bán!” he says, like the crack of a whip. It startles them all. Puck cuts off his giggling with a squeak and is cowering down, ears back. “That is not allowed. I don’t ever want to hear you saying anything like that again.”
He turns to Griffe. “Take him to the kitchen; there’s some fish in the fridge in the container next to your steak. And some cut up fruit.”
Puck slinks out, chastened. Patrick’s torn between being amused and humiliated, but Jon’s gathering him up in his arms, manhandling him onto his back and settling on top before he can protest. He’s looking down at Patrick, a funny mix of masterful and uncertain.
“So, I guess I’m noisy?” Patrick says into the silence. “Didn’t know that. Go figure.” It’s clear Jonny’s not going to laugh at him or make fun, but Patrick’s not sure what the mood is, here.
“Pat,” Jon says and lowers his mouth to kiss him slow and sweet, like they haven’t done yet in the heat of coming together for the first time. It feels gooey and romantic and Patrick’s a little appalled to feel himself sinking into it like it’s the last bit he’s been waiting for from Jonny.
Another reason the impression might build up that Jon's more focused on Puck than Patrick is that most of the other bits and pieces of daemon fic are more like snapshots of daily life, not big emotional or sexy moments. They usually star Puck because he's so fun to write and his dynamic with Jonny amuses me a ton (plus, like I said, my shortfics are usually inspired by images, and otter vids are great). Puck's less complicated emotionally than Patrick, too, so--for example, in the ficlet Expectations, he wants Jon's attention, he wants Jon to pick him up, he wants Jon to get him ice cream, all of which Jon is happy to do. Patrick's in the shower and then in bed, being quiet and withdrawn, and Jon knows why but it's not as easily dealt with. He tries to give him support and yet the space he needs. He's really conscious of Patrick in the fic, even though he's mostly interacting with Puck; he's giving them both what they need from him even though you might need to read between the lines a bit.
I wrote a ficlet recently (and actually, it was a hedgehog fic, but the point still stands) where they'd been together awhile and had never said "I love you." In general, with these guys, I don't see them saying that with any frequency, if at all. I don't see them doing a lot of things that are staples in romance fics. They exist in the hypermasculinized world of professional sports, and...that's just my headcanon for them. The daemons (and the puppies, hedgehogs and wolves *eyerolls self*) give me a way to add touch and tenderness to the relationship. I think that's my workaround--like, I've saddled myself with these particular men as my OTP, with their own particular boundaries on what I perceive as 'in character,' so if I want to write certain types of emotional expression, I have to do it indirectly.
My tendency to depict scenes of daily life (which has its own kind of intimacy, but it's different from porn, for sure) is even stronger when I'm writing next-gen daemons, which are the daemons of the Kane-Toews kids. IDK, maybe this is a 'write-what-you-know' thing because that's more my stage of life than first times of any kind. I think I'll be more conscious going forward, though, of showing Patrick and Jonny's bond directly, and not just through their daemons or their kids, so thank you to @fakexpearls for the ask and the opportunity to blather on about this 'verse. <3
OMG I HAVE SAID FOR YEARS YEARS THAT PATRICK KANE AND HAYDEN LOOK SIMILAR. AND NO ONE BELIEVES ME/AGREED UNTIL YOU. OMG
YOU ARE NOT ALONE MY FRIEND. JOIN ME IN SMIRKY NOODLE HELL.
Also it is very necessary to point out that Kaner himself is aware of the resemblance, as seen here all the way back in 2011 ffs. (Ignore the travesty that is his everything here, I didn’t have time to viciously crop it the way he deserves.)
The fact that I need a tag for Hayden on this, my allegedly hockey-only blog, testifies to this nonsense.
One day, when I don’t have so many WIPs on my plate, I will get around to writing the OT3 from hell I teased in this post, where Jonny arranges a threesome with Hayden at the Vancouver Olympics. One day.
So, I saw your post about anidala fic - and I've read Sins of a Father, but it isn't complete? Is it and I'm dumb? Because this was a fab fic and then there was no more to read.
yeah the author stopped writing it in like 2008 and it’s not complete :/ sorry bout that friend, it’s pretty fab though right?
A group of women, battle hardened, weapons propped on shoulders, and dressed in leather making their way through the desert of a once metropolis.
01. Biting Down - Lorde // 02. Hold On – Aiden Grimshaw // 03. Control – Halsey // 04. Rev 22:20 - Puscifer // 05. Bad Moon Rising (feat. Peter Dreimanis) – Mourning Ritual // 06. Novocaine – Fall Out Boy // 07. Zombie – Natalia Kills // 08. Head Is Not My Home – MS MR // 09. Black Widow (feat. Rita Ora) – Iggy Azalea
Hi! When you get this ask list five things that make you happy and then pass it on to the last 10 people to reblog from you! You deserve happiness everyday and forever!
1. when the blackhawks decide to not disappoint me. real talk though being at a hockey game; the chill from the ice, the screaming, the awful intermission music, the hysteria, everything.
2. warm nights and city lights
3. my small dog son frankie
4. watching tv/a movie/sports with other people and the room is loud and everyone is obnoxious and everything just feels warm and domestic and cozy
