#falling relationships

[divatheawesome]

I am still not okay . I am still struggling heavily with my after divorce days . I am so mad at everyone . I don’t have the energy for things any more .

[divatheawesome]

What can I say ? I miss my exhusband and I want him back. And I can never say it to him .

I wish he was sitting f here next to me and watching arcane season 2 together and eating f from his famous stir fry noodles and our cat sitting next to us on the couch and in our own little world . But I know this ship has sailed. He is not coming back ever . And I no longer have the energy to keep trying to convince him to fight for us and not blindly follow others .

[divatheawesome]

I just want to die . I can’t take all the pain from the process of separation and the pre divorce ugly mean phase . It’s heart wrenching . I can’t even put into words how much pain I feel everyday .

[divatheawesome]

I think I’m in the beginning of a long and painful separation that will lead to divorce . I have been crying my eyes out about it . I can not help deal with all the flashbacks of everything I did with him or for him . I gave up pieces of myself to try to make the marriage work . I felt like I was suffocating . I tried to reach out and to fix it with him . It killed me when he neglected me or took me for granted or stayed for hours in the bathroom or on his phone or watching tv like I’m not even in the same house he is . At some point , it felt like everything I had to say to him was a burden for him . It made me feel rejected and undesirable . I felt that he was on his own island and I am not allowed in and he doesn’t want to leave it . I got upset and I got made at him and I tried to go in so he punished me . And the saddest part is that he doesn’t see how much I tried to make it work . He has been cruel with me lately . I hear from people all the things he says about me , yet refuses to meet me , even though he caught me off guard and sent his dad to inform my dad of his wish to divorce me . He has not responded to me texts . He said some mean unfounded claims about to make himself the victim . I would have respected him more if he just said you don’t make me happy or that he wants to end things because he wants different things in life . Instead he chose to pin it all on me his issues and his controlling family”s issues . That’s what broke me the character assassination . His refusal to meet me for closure after a year and half marriage , made feel so worthless and betrayed

It will take me a long time before I can be okay again .