❝ how'd you know that this is real?
how'd you know that i am crazy?
i'm just gonna wing it still
you've broke these walls i've built
atlanta, usa
@fmdrioh
jihoon thinks he will actually lose his sanity if he spend another minute inside this hotel room. anywhere else would be better to say the least. his switch was dead from the numerous hours of animal crossing he played, his phone has one too many unanswered text messages, he’s even memorized the room service menu at this point. after a few more minutes of debating he picks up his phone and sends rioh a message “get ready, we’re getting maccies.”
little to no way for the younger to get out of this situation. jihoon picked a victim and he isn’t letting them go. so with that, he push himself off the bed and gets dressed decently.
by decently, its the most generic matching black tack suit, a white t-shirt, cap, glasses, mask and shoes. without a second thought grabbing his phone, wallet and hotel room card, he exits and makes his way to rioh’s room. quick and without any detours, he finally makes it and knocks maybe a bit too aggressively onto the door. “it’s jihoon.” he says loud enough for the other to hear, and well.. waits patiently for the door to open.
❝ it's dangerous, a close call, holding on by a thread
solo related jihoon’s reaction to don’t doing well on the charts
date: september 4th 2022
song choice: don’t
word count: 495
notes: jihoon is not excited about next year at all, but he knows his manager only wants the best
jihoon is sat on one of the make up chairs backstage, getting ready for their los angeles stop. first day as well, which was a bit more stressful if he had to be honest. when you did two days at the same time, there was always something that really scratched his brain with mild worry. he is just on his phone, scrolling through insta, going on naver, anything to keep himself busy as he gets his hair done. finishing touches or whatever, there wasn’t that long to go before the concert started.
he is busy, pretends to be busy, but he notices daehyun staring at his intensely through the mirror, he would have ignored it, if it wasn’t for his shit eating grin. it’s enough to make jihoon pay attention to him.
“what did you sell a part of my soul for now?“ the idol asks, getting a chuckle from the hairstylist as she continues to curl specific strands of his hair.
“you make me sound like the devil.“ his manager sighs, but shuffles closer and holds his phone out for jihoon to read. “i was just looking at the charts out of curiousity, you know.“ oh, so he was looking at how don’t was doing… jihoon feels his mood sour almost instantly. it takes a bit of psyching up for jihoon to actually look at the screen, a but reluctant.
catalyst hadn’t been doing great in terms of charting lately. by lately, he means more than a year now, but he couldn’t really do much. so he expects don’t have have plummeted in the depths of the charts as well, already thinking of an apology to send to minjung considering her solo career was doing great.
jace and minjung’s portal collaboration “don’t” debuted at #86 before rising to #2 in its second week. “oh?“ he says, obviously surprised as he reaches to the phone, almost snatching it out of daehyun’s hands.
“what the fuck..“
“language.“
“you haven’t edited this have you-“
“what type of monster do you think i am-“
“i am asking because it was like in the top 100 last week, what do you mean 2nd place?“
“well, obviously people are listening to your collab, jihoon.“ daehyun hisses out and snatches his phone back. the excitement however, almost dies quicker than jihoon can thrive in it. he knows what’s gonna happen next. he is very much aware of gold stars tactic with him, his manager has been on it since day one if he had to be honest.
“you’re not gonna push me for a solo, are you?“ there is the potential to find dread in his voice.
daehyun’s reaction is crystal clear, a tight lipped smile, a slap on jihoon’s back followed by a shrug “jihoon, you are doing great, okay? i will never fight for you to do something, unless i know you will absolutely ace it.“ the idol can’t help but physically cringe, but his manager laughs and pats his back again.
solo related minhee and his manager drinking for dynamites success
date: august 2022
song choice: advice
word count: 447
notes: aka minhee avoids deep talks
dynamite gets released and well.. it does take the world by a storm, if minhee can use that.
despite having so many comebacks in their career, doing well the past few years, he can't help but be nervous. he can't even call it excitement because there is that dread, that they will not be able to achieve bigger things next time. because he thinks the possibility of that happening is huge. so, he does the usual, where he goes drinking with one of their managers to a quiet restaurant in tokyo. a tradition he has created for the two of them, something to celebrate.
"haven't you realized you guys aren't gonna fall short?" his manager, jongsuk, asks him and minhee raises a brow as he sips from his beer. he doesn't answer instantly, which makes the elder continue "you need to relax minhee, you guys are doing well. we won't let anything bad happen to you guys." he finishes and the idol gets it. he really does, knows where jongsuk is coming from, knows he would do everything in his power for the team to do well.
however, there is literally nothing that can be done about that little voice inside his head that tells him he should be on edge at all times, until the song is released, the first week of charts end. thats when he will finally relax.
"but there are expectations." he comments, putting the beer down and focusing on the food. there is a short break, a silence, but minhee can see the screws inside jongsuk's head are spinning, turning slowly as if he is cautious of what to say. he doesn't blame him, minhee has always been bad at hiding how he feels away from cameras, even in front of them he is seen making faces and rolling his eyes. he thinks their manager would be used to this but.. alas, maybe not. so while he waits for an answer, he pours them more sake and drinks it one go. they have a few days off, he thinks of making the most of it by being with a hangover the next day.
"you're right." jongsuk finally says and lifts his own glass, drinking it in one go. so, the idol takes this as an invite to pour them another one. "are you trying to get me drunk?" he asks, raising a brow but taking his glass, minhee follows suit.
"i am trying to make this a memorable night, okay?"
"it's not like we haven't been to tokyo before."
"it's not like have broken records like the ones with dynamite."
solo related jihoon’s recording of dramarama
date: september 2022
song choice: dramarama
word count: 464
notes: jihoon actually wants to work with this producer a lot more, fingers crossed; i also finally named his manager who he loves dearly
the album.. isn't a huge surprise at this point. they had been releasing 2-3 albums per year at this point, so when they all get gathered in the usual big meeting room, jihoon expects nothing less than the pitch. they get handed the lyrics, the concept, everything in between and the most important part, they get to listen to the song, something he has grown to love and hate at the same time. dramarama is what the title song, and for once, he actually likes it from the get go.
---
recordings are still a pain in the ass, while traveling and everything in between are not the best.
“again.“ jihoon hears through his headphones and can’t help but purse his lips.
“i can’t escalate the note like that.“ he tries to excuse himself, he is tired, he doesn’t want to do this.
“yes you can, you’ve done it before.“
yeah, he wasn’t sleeping on couches backstage before concerts, thats why he was able to do this.
“my throat is sore.“
“lee jihoon, just sing the damn line.“ he hears his manager, daehyun, at this point might as well be best friend through the speaker and he can’t help himself from turning around and glaring back at him. so he sucks it up and just goes for it.
after the twelfth try, the producer seems to be a lot more impressed at what jihoon is able to pull, he allows him to switch to the rap. now this.. this is where jihoon feels most confident after dancing, if anything he had gotten so used to rapping.
they go over the demo, over how he is supposed to do it and just goes for it. he doesn’t exactly nail it the first time, so they go a for a few changes.
“can you do a short growl?“
“just use the ones from wolfgang.“
he hears a few chuckles.
“right, a good joke, give me a growl.”
so with a sigh and a fix of his cap, he does just as he is asked.
“do an oh my god one.“
he does that.
“another one.“
that as well.
“give me a cheeky whistle.“
“are we doing adlibs?“
“yes, now give me a short whistle.“
he chuckles, a rare sound but he likes this producer, he can take a joke.
“while you are at it, give me a chuckle as well.“
“a chuckle?“
“yeah like the one you just gave me.“
it makes jihoon glance at the window, brows raised as daehyun gives him a shrug which means, do what you have to do, chuckles like a lunatic for a few solid minutes before the producer likes whatever comes out of his mouth. he actually starts laughing uncontrollably sometime during those giggles and he’s allowed to take a few minutes of break.
character(s) involved: minho (npc, duri’s personal stylist).
about: duri has his fittings for live stages of the stealer with his stylist, minho.
trigger warnings: mention of underage sexualization (in regards to duri now being more covered up vs when he was a minor).
notes: another very random jumble of writing but we did it joe!
word count: 843.
in ways, fittings felt both like a quick day, but also a long day. it was a constant dress up and modeling off the outfit, to see if anything needed to be changed or fixed. simply, the entire time, duri was handed many different articles of clothing to change into, come out, spin around, and repeat the processes over and over again. though, sometimes it was fun, because often times there were laughs with the stylists over a few things. but, it was a slightly slow day, simply because of it being the same tasks. duri was never one to complain however, it was fun playing dress up in that sense; as if he was a dress up doll in some sense - he guesses he might actually be one when it comes to styling.
duri’s given his very first outfit to try on. it’s a full on black number, a turtle neck, with a jacket, some type of chanel choker around his neck, and a necklace as well. he guesses that’s definitely the “stealer” part that goes on with the concept. nonetheless, he dresses himself in everything that’s handed to him, and anything else that the stylist hands him through the curtain. it seems fitting to him, truth be told, and he likes how it looks on. at least he won’t get cold when they’re sitting around waiting for their turn. then again, it was probably going to get rather hot underneath the stage lights - you win some, you lose some.
nonetheless, he walks out from the curtain, going over to the mirror. he moves around in the outfit, making sure everything is fitting. “let’s try a smaller jacket,” minho says, before he grabs the smaller option. duri nodded his head, before taking the first one off, and placing it on - being sure to move around in it right after. “that’s better, it looks better with the pants,” he says. duri nodded, looking it over, “that’s true, the pants are already baggy,” he states, nodding his head. both of them being more on the baggier side might make sense for a nineties concept, he thinks. “okay, next outfit!” minho states, causing duri to nod, and await for the new items to be given.
duri moves through the motions a few different times. there was obvious times where the style simply did not work. but, minho liked to test out all of the options. sometimes it was just to make duri look like a fool, something he did on purpose because he and duri were always able to joke about those things. but, minho never had duri wear the foolish outfits for way too long before he’d be in the next one. there seemed to always be a consistent theme with duri’s outfits; at least for this round, where he’s consistently covered up and donned in chanel outfits.
though, for the past few years, he’s really noticed more of a habit of being covered up. truth be told, duri kind of wonders where minho was where he was a minor in the group; his arms often out and wearing something sheer that seemingly exposed him where he was young. maybe that fed more into his insecurities or things, because of the well... sexual things said about him while he was still young. maybe it was being made up for lost time, since they’re friends now and minho wasn’t around when he was younger, since they’re close in age. maybe that’s why he’s so covered up now - to protect him in some way. the comments aren’t always away, since his butt is often talked about online, but those are comments he doesn’t really see.
nonetheless, the next outfit comes and duri really likes this outfit. simply because it makes him feel like britney spears-sunbae. he wasn’t entirely sure what it had to do with the concept, but he didn’t really mind because he felt like britney spears-sunbae due to the fact that he’s completely dressed in double denim. he comes out, kind of beaming, standing in front of the mirror. he giggles, “hyung, i really like this one. i feel like britney spears-sunbae!” he says, giggling once again cause he can’t help it. it causes a laugh from minho, “do you know britney spears personally that she’s your sunbae?” he asked, causing a laugh to leave duri’s lips. “no! but, maybe one day i will be!” duri says. “anyways, the outfits good, onto the next,” he says.
there’s only a few more to test out, some needing adjusting, some needing to be taken in. or accessories being changed in and out, somehow all of them adorning that c for chanel or it saying chanel, he was very curious as to the entire use of chanel that he was seemingly dripping in this comeback. but, nonetheless, the day of fittings have come and gone before he had known it.
“hyung, are you done for today? come on! let’s go for lunch!” he said, giggling as happily as he does before running out.
character(s) involved: n/a.
about: duri does his shots for titan’s vogue korea shoot. he also wishes there weren’t question about crowned.
trigger warnings: n/a.
notes: i feel like this is terrible but i made it my mission to get them all done.
word count: 614.
photoshoots are something that, oddly enough are becoming a favorite of duri’s. though, of course, there’s still sometimes that he has his doubts when it comes to doing them because he still wasn’t that confident in himself on actually pulling it off. even if he continued to get his own photoshoots and brand ambassadorships outside of titan. it was always just that odd thing that he had, something that he seemingly couldn’t escape. duri could shake it off, but it was something that he just couldn’t escape - no matter how many times he was told he was beautiful, he was a great model, and everything else in between. it was foolish feelings that he always got, but as he looked at himself in the mirror, he always talked himself through it in his own little way. that always made it better, truth be told. mentally, he shakes it off, because he’s not here to dwell on those feelings that he’d get sometimes right before a photoshoot.
the photoshoot itself feels rather simple, and comfortable because duri gets to wear a rather large, oversized sweater - that’s something that always remains to be one of his favorite things. everyone is probably already well aware of the oversized sweater collection that duri just so happens to own in his closet. maybe this was something that he could buy for himself later on? then again, duri was never one to actually sought buying designer products sometimes for himself, it was only ever so often. so, he probably would have to go over what he’s purchased recently... even if he’s someone who very much can afford luxuries consistently. it was something he just only ever did on occasion from time to time. nonetheless, he thinks the stylists, before he heads out of the room to go onto set.
it’s his turn to go, so he gets into position, being sat down and sunflowers being around him. it was simple and cute in a way, he thinks. he kind of goes over how he should go about posing or what his eyes should say. but, he namely decides to go with the softness of everything that’s apart of the photoshoot, letting his eyes speak to the softness. the photographer comes out, positions his hands in a certain way, and duri holds he. he does a few different poses with his head, including the money shot of his head slightly tilted. he does a few more poses of course, before it’s called quits, and it’s time for the interview portion; which duri always looks forward to because he loves to talk. which probably well known.
however, he’s slightly disappointed that there’s questions about crowned, instead of a more so focus on the stealer. he knows they just came off the end of crowned, so the questions are going to be centered around it. but, he was still a bit sad and still blaming himself a little bit for the fact that titan had gotten such a low ranking on crowned. he answers the questions honestly, deciding to make them positive. in a way, there was positivity to it, and duri is a very positive person in general, so he couldn’t help but to answer in that way; even if he was disappointed. a lot of questions seemed to be pointed at him crowned wise; being the first round mvp, as well as but, he was thankful for the experience. he was relieved when it was something that wasn’t dwelled on and the subject would be changed.
all in all, duri does think it was an enjoyable day and he really does think he might purchase the givenchy oversized sweater.
character(s) involved: n/a.
about: it’s getting close to the final practices for the stealer, truth be told, the choreography is a bit of a problem for duri and he excuses himself from practice to go to the bathroom - but, instead he cries in the stall, then returns like everything is normal.
trigger warnings: pain tw.
notes: this is honestly really really dramatic and i’ve been called evil for this idea, so we’re doing it <3
word count: 714.
it had seemingly been months and months of rehearsals, all for different things in some sense. they had months of rehearsals for everything to do with crowned, with album preparations mixed into it, which had seemingly made everything rather interesting. on top of that, titan had started rehearsing for their next comeback. it was something that had been a lot, but of course, duri managed to enjoy it because he just loved getting to do this type of stuff. but, in turn, there was always something that kind of made things harder. a lot of the time, duri was really able to get through it, that was something that was never a concern. however, it was something that would just happen, especially with the fact that his leg was rather overworked now, with how many months of just straight rehearsals and performing had gone on.
he moves through a round of practice with titan. duri has everything down pat, he knows the routine, he knows the words, and everything in between. duri knows what he has to do when it comes to performing. the only actual problem was the fact that he has to pretend like he wasn’t currently hurting - that he wasn’t currently in a flare up. duri always tends to wear his emotions on his face, but right now, he was really doing his best to act, to pretend like he was perfectly fine - like he always did. but boy, was it a bad flare up from all the overworking he was doing on it. this was why his solo career was simply placed completely on his vocals. normally, he was more than okay with choreography and he’s usually okay; getting some sort of flare up. but, with how much they were doing, it seemed to be a lot.
when a round of practice ended, he asked the staff if he could go to the bathroom. he’s given a yes and a bit of a concerning look (as much concern as staff seems to give), without realizing that his face looked slightly paler. nonetheless, he had left the practice room for his bathroom break - which wasn’t because he actually had to go to the bathroom, but it was simply because he needed to get out of the practice room for just a little bit. he made his way through the hallway, coming upon the bathroom, and entering.
duri makes his way over to a stall, where he opens the stall at the farthest end of the bathroom, closes and locks it behind himself, before sitting down upon the closed seat. he just kind of breathed... which was probably the oddest place to actually do that, and he really should have gone to the rooftop at least, but he knew that wasn’t justifiable right now. he’s reminded again, just why he was in here, and the breathing seemingly stopped helping soon after. so, he just kind of quietly... cried, because he couldn’t help it. after all, duri is a crier. but, he’s crying because of the flare up because he was holding it in. so, he decided that it was best to let it all out, in the limited time that he had in the bathroom. everything kind of just overflowed at this point and park duri feels more lost on what he’s meant to do, on how to save himself, and everything in between. he’s in pain, in more ways than one, and he simply isn’t sure how to take care of himself.
nonetheless, he lets it out, and wipes his face. he gets up from the toilet, opens up the stall door, and walks out. he turns on the water, before splashing his face with cold water a few times, and patting it off with some paper towels. he takes a deep breath, fixes his clothes, and walks out of the bathroom as if he just didn’t silently cry in there. he returns to the practice room, and gets on with practice.
there were a few rest days coming and he was going to take full advantage of those. he’d be okay, he’d get it back down to it’s regular almost dull level that’s rather manageable for him.
summary — gyujeong’s exhausted, and swears he doesn’t give a fuck about music nor platinum. a lie, caught.
warnings — none
wc — 409
he hates the studio, and he knows precisely why it turns into a mecca of complaints the moment he mentally braces himself to enter the room.
it starts with questions: why didn’t you bother writing something for the album? if you hate it, you can just write your own music for the group? you write for other groups, but why not your own? the last songs you wrote did well, why stop now?
because, to put it quite frank: he’s on the brink of exhaustion.
exhaustion pooling in how he shields himself in the shadows during the off-hours, letting nicotine take away the dysfunction of it all. exhaustion in how he barely manages to slip himself out of his bed and into the buildings, both hands clasped praying to something he doesn’t believe in that he doesn’t run into anything.
prayer, anything repeated through his head becomes set like an oath. not an oath, maybe more of a resolution to any out-of-this-world force to pull him away.
an album rakes in exhaustion. (or more so, that’s been what he’s been reiterating to the in-house producers when he half-asses his take, shoves his parts for another member to take out). the past album, and songs now bleeding through the speakers of any cafe he sets foot into — it’s like a looming nightmare. living through, walking through each detail that yanked pieces of memories he’s spent weeks drowning away in who knows what.
but what is chung gyujeong if not a finicky contradiction?
he keeps his head empty, or at the very least, tries to. emptying out the clutter in his brain, trying to re-wire into a song that’s abysmal to his own point made.
the album sucks. life sucks.
maybe, he’s just fallen into late teenage angst, and he’s wanting to rip a fresh start of punk rebellion.
or maybe, he’s rendered useless processing empty words and lackluster progressions in the music letting the tow of autonomy slip from his grasp. no longer on the cusp of independence, now he relents to the gold star push — his excuse: he no longer gives a fuck about music. his music, his group’s.
(that’s a lie painted on blast when he’s spent hours in his own studio, toying around with different instruments and finding empty melodies to words he can’t formulate yet. however, he doesn’t let that truth slip out. that much, he keeps to himself.)
