#fancydani

[ashlieds24]

YUM. #fancydani (at Boston City Dorchester)

[ashlieds24]

#fancydani #loadedcurlyfries (at Boston City Dorchester)

[ashlieds24]

#fancydani and the hits keep coming! #chickenparmesan (at Dorchester)

[flagitiousbunny]

Officially the twilight of the fifth year without my dad. Feels weird. Not okay, it'll never feel 'okay' but it isn't something that gnaws on me, just a chipped tooth that I've gotten used to. It just doesn't hurt anymore. Still a few moments where it's damn awful. But I got through, and it's pretty hard describing that in words. Glad I made it.

[flagitiousbunny]

heart stuff again

yeah sorry, i know nobody really cares but whatever. you can block my personal stuff, i'm gonna tag it with 'fancydani' if you wanna blacklist.

just got back from chatting with my surgeon, who is being a sweetheart about all this (and is NOT the guy i had the last time, so BIG plus). he later admitted he'd prefer to do this earlier, but was willing to wait.

the nurse, though. fucking... she didn't even set up a date for me like was her goddamn job (the only fucking reason she was in the room). just kept talking about how me waiting until summer for major surgery was a stupid idea, how i was "rolling the dice." is that not fucking terrifying? when both my cardiologist and cardiovascular surgeon (with crazy years of experience) say it's okay though not preferred, this nurse (looking my age) is telling me straight up that the chance i could fucking DIE before summer... like... that's goddamn awful. she said the surgeon had lost patients like me, how it was heartbreaking, and then proceeded to shoo me out of the office and tell me to think it over. like i would run back and sob for summer break, plus three weeks off work.

i'm not really ok. it's all really freaking me out, and she didn't help. i'm in the hospital for 4-7 days after the surgery and i'm not sure about my copay. at least my surgeon does this kind of thing all the time (just did a cardiomyectomy this morning) which is reassuring, and he knows my issues with the last surgery (which absolutely doesn't help my desire to get this one). it also sounds like i won't be in as much pain as i feared, like i had thought 5 weeks of dying pain when it sounds like i can get around after a few days. i always did have a tendency to think in worst case scenario terms.

anyway, further updates are that i am giving up my copious caffeine habit and hydrating more. no monster, extra water. lots of sleep. maybe double my atenolol this weekend like my dr suggested.