#fandns

[314winchester]

You know all that shit me and Leighann did yesterday to study for that exam? Well guess how much of that shit was on there?

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[314winchester]

LET ME EXPLAIN YOU A THING

NOW WE BOTH KNOW HOW THE BREAD MAKING PROCESS GOES OUTSIDE THE OVEN BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN THAT HOT CAVERN?

YEAST RISES QUICKLY AS THE COS EXPANDS AS IT BASKS IN THE HEAT OF YOUR OVEN'S TIGHT PECTORALS.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG BUT YOUR YEAST IS SLOWING DOWN. YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL THERE.

AT 55 C YOUR YEAST DIES AND FERMENTATION STOPS BECAUSE YOU'RE A CRAZY, JEALOUS PERSON.

GLUTEN COAGULATES AT 70C AND CONTINUES TO DO SO. THIS IS A METAPHOR OF YOUR SUDDEN DECLINE INTO INSANITY.

WATER, CARBON DIOXIDE AND ALCOHOL ESCAPE THE DOUGH. THEY FINALLY GOT YOU OFF THE SUBSTANCES. 

DEXTRIN FORMS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE DOUGH AND SUGAR CARAMELIZES, GIVING THE CRUST A BROWN EXTERIOR. YOU HAVE LEFT TO LIVE IN THE MOUNTAINS WHERE YOU KILL DEER TO SATISFY YOUR NEED FOR BLOOD.

[314winchester]

THE FAULT IN OUR BREAD

IF YOUR BREAD IS SMALL AND DENSE YOU FUCKED UP AND I WILL TELL YOU HOW:

YOU DIDN'T LET IT RISE ENOUGH YOU IMPATIENT BASTARD

YOU DIDN'T PLEASE IT ENOUGH WHICH IS WHY IT WASN'T WET ENOUGH TO GET SHIT DONE PROPERLY

YOUR YEAST WAS MURDERED.

NOW IF YOUR BREAD IS HARD AND COURSE, YOU ALSO FUCKED UP:

YOU USED TOO MUCH YEAST

YOUR YEAST WAS KILLED BEFORE YOU BAKED IT.

OKAY? OKAY.

[314winchester]

THE CHORLEYWOOD PROCESS

I LIKE THIS BECAUSE I DID MY INDEPENDENT BIOLOGY EXPERIMENT ON THIS METHOD

AT THE BRITISH BAKING INDUSTRIES RESEARCH ASSOCIATION AT CHORLEYWOOD 

VITAMIN C (OTHERWISE NONE BY ITS MORE METAL NAME, ABSORBIC ACID) WAS ADDED TO BREAD DOUGH BEFORE PROOFING AND 

THE RATE AT WHICH IT ROSE INCREASED AS WELL AS THE QUALITY OF THE END PRODUCT.

THAT'S WHAT VITAMIN C DOES TO YEAST GROWTH. THEY'RE LIKE MY OTP OF FOOD MAN.

BASICALLY TEMPERATURE CONTROL DOESN'T MATTER ALL THAT MUCH BECAUSE OF HOW FAST IT IS AND THE SHORTER FERMENTATION RESULTS IN LESS PROTEIN BEING LOSS.

THE BREAD ONLY TAKES 2 HOURS WHICH IS 60% IMPROVEMENT FROM THE TRADITIONAL METHOD.

IT ONLY NEEDS ABOUT FIVE MINUTES OF KNEADING. HOLY SHIT.

NOW IF YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH OF A THOUSAND MEN THEN YOU CAN JUST KNEAD YOUR REGULAR OLE DOUGH LONGER THE FIRST TIME BEFORE PROOFING AND THEN YOU WON'T HAVE TO DO IT A SECOND TIME BUT THE CHORLEYWOOD PROCESS IS WAY COOLER.

[314winchester]

SALADS

SALADS ARE MIXTURES OF RAW VEGETABLES AND/OR FRUITS. COOKED AND PICKLED FOODS CAN BE ADDED TOO IF YOU'RE A WIMP.

SERVE SALADS AS:

A MEAL STARTER

AN ACCOMPANIMENT TO A DISH

A MAIN COURSE JUST ADD MEAT OR YOUR HANDY DANDY VEGAN ALTERNATIVE

A FILLING IN SANDWICHES ( I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU PUT TOMATOES IN MY SANDWICH IT'S GONE BE ME AND YOU)

SALADS ARE NUTRITIOUS AS FUCK BECAUSE:

VITAMINS AND MINERALS ARE PRESERVED WHEN NOT COOKED AMEN

FIBRE

TEND TO BE LOW IN CALORIES SO YOU CAN EAT A SHIT TON

WATER IN VEGGIES AND FRUTTIES`~~

POINTS TO REMEMBER WHEN MAKING SALAD:

INGREDIENTS SHOULD BE FRESH AND CLEANED PROPERLY

PREPARE YOUR SALAD RIGHT BEFORE SERVING FOR ULTIMATE FRESHNESS

VARIETY BABY

KEEP HANDLING OF INGREDIENTS TO A MINIMUM

SHOULD BE EASY TO SERVE AND EAT SO DO NOT PUT AN ENTIRE SEVERED HEAD OR THE WHOLE, STILL BEATING HEART OF YOUR ENEMIES. NO. CHOP THAT SHIT UP.

[314winchester]

MORE ON SAUCES

THIS IS THE FINAL STRETCH. 

SAUCES THICKENED BY THE EMULSIFICATION OF FAT

BASICALLY IF YOU MIX OIL AND WATER LIKE A SHIT TON IT WILL FORM AN EMULSION.

NOW BECAUSE OF THEIR INDIVIDUAL PROPERTIES THAT WE ALL LEARNED LIKE IN GRADE 3, THOSE LITTLE SHITS WILL SEPARATE. 

WHICH IS WHY WE NEED AN EMULSIFIER

AND IF YOU'RE LOST AS SHIT, YOU HAVE AN EMULSIFIER IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW

THAT'S RIGHT. EGGS.

WELL EGG YOLKS TO BE PRECISE. THERE'S A THING CALLED LECITHIN IN THEM AND IT ACTS AS AN EMULSIFIER. 

WHEN YOU COMBINE YOUR EMULSIFER AND YOUR EMULSION YOU GET A SAUCE. YOU CAN THEN ADJUST THIS BY ADDING VINEGAR.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CALL THIS SHIT??

MAYONNAISE 

THE LAST ONE IS

SAUCES THICKENED BY A PUREE OF FRUITS/VEGETABLES

WHICH IS COMMON SENSE SO FIGURE IT OUT

[314winchester]

REASONS TO LOVE WOOD(EN SPOONS)

IT IS STRONG SO YOU CAN SCRAPE STUFF

IT IS ALSO SOFT SO YOU WONT DAMAGE ALL YOUR FUCKING POTS

IT'S A TERRIBLE CONDUCTOR OF HEAT AND THEREFORE WONT BURN YOU AND ALSO WONT CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE OF YOU STOVETOP GOODS

WONT FUCKING MELT LIKE WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET THIS WHEN I'M MAKING CANDY DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY RUBBER SPATULAS I HAVE DESTROYED. DO YOU KNOW THAT THAT CARAMEL I MADE TO TOP THE DESERT AT THE COMPETITION HAD BITS OF PLASTIC IN IT BECAUSE FUCKING RUBBER SPATULA >.>

[314winchester]

QUICK! NAME ONE OTHER BAHAMIAN DISHES THAT SHOW THE USE OF COATING:

GROUPER FINGERS

______

ALSO NAME THE TWO OTHER COUNTRIES OF ORIGIN OF THE FOLLOWING EGG DISHES:

QUICHE: GERMANY (THOUGH IT IS A CLASSIC FRENCH DISH)

EGG FOO YUNG: CHINA

EGGS BENEDICT: ___

FRITTATA: ___