#fangs for nothing

[evydraws]

Book interior art for the limited edition of "Fangs for Nothing" Acrylics on watercolour paper

[dyrewrites]

I can't curse the old women smashing into one another in my noggin because one of them isn't old but I curse them anyway.

Waking me up to dirty a countertop, show me one of them had a date go sour when she found the other and tell me their city has vampires and werewolves and magic and the average person doesn't know because the authorities can alter implanted IDs to change perception.

They're in some crazy urban fantasy 80s version of the future, in Chicago...for some reason.

Also there's a feral werewolf reserve in Canada and the Netherlands because nowhere else has natural forests anymore.

If you can explain that second one to me I'd be grateful.

Our human what just adopted a pet vampire (whether she's aware of that or not) is a retired Hunter in her fifties (making her thirty years older than her new pet) with a prosthetic arm, a cybernetic eye and too many scars, she was too important to wipe her memories. Though she did sign a lot of things preventing her from telling other humans what's going on. Now she's consultant for the Hunters, a fixer for a local vampire gang, knows a few witches, has an ex who's a celebrity siren and...and she's a good friend of the Chicago werewolf mafia.

Yes. Werewolf mafia. I don't know either.

Lot of vampires age when they don't eat enough so there's old politicians and CEOs who've been around for generations pretending to be their own kids over and over. When they starve too long they wrinkle up and look a bit like an old mummy. A little blood brings them back.

But how vampires operate is unique and altered by who made them and how. Some just die, shrivel up and ash. Others can go years on a drop of blood before they weaken. Then there's the ones who go nuts with hunger after just a day without and tear throats and limbs and bathe in whatever blood they can find when starving.

Guess which one ours is.

I hate this.

I mean I love it but that's a problem so I hate it.

Rel is going to be put in a collar to keep her safe from Hunters as well as the vampire cult what made her and she's going to make it a whole thing because apparently she's the pervert in this budding relationship.

Oh right the vampire cult. They want to make vampires into monsters again, forcing humans to see them and believe in them. Rel was supposed to wake up starving and murder everyone in her borough until Hunters stopped her (the vampires had drones waiting to record it) but instead she woke up groggy, slept through daylight, got giddy for vampire powers and tried to play dark and brooding vigilante on a church when night fell.

Roz ruined the starvation bit by feeding her and someone probably saw that on their drones.

Help. Me.

[morrowforge]

Listen To "Fangs For Nothing" Now!

The third episode of Mage With a Mic, "Fangs For Nothing" is now available wherever you get your podcasts. Synopsis: Mage Doughball is once again out and about, this time visiting VampCon- Thither's largest gathering of the vampiric community.  When he meets Count Crovyn Duskleech, he learns not all is as it is meant to be, and something sinister may be stirring in the shadows... Watch on YouTube Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb:

He’s a hot, grumpy, reclusive vampire, and the last thing he wants is an interfering human tidying his castle…until her.

Lord Alaric Valerian has a problem. His mother is visiting his castle for the first time, but she doesn’t know that Alaric has filled every room with his centuries of artistic passions and creative pursuits.

Desperate, he hires professional organiser Winnie Preston to help him tame the mess. But Alaric isn’t prepared for bubbly, passionate Winnie to show up at his castle and ram a metaphorical stake through his cold, vampire heart. Winnie sets his fangs on edge, but the more closely he works with her, the more he wishes she could be his.

So when Alaric’s mother arrives with a new bride-to-be in tow, Alaric convinces Winnie to pretend to be his fiancee. He may be causing all kinds of scandal in the vampire court by being engaged to a human, but at least he doesn’t have to give up his reclusive life.

But Winnie still doesn’t know Alaric’s a vampire, and Alaric didn’t count on Winnie’s meddling book club pinning him for a mysterious murder in the village. Will their maybe-not-so-fake-marriage survive once Winnie discovers the monster that lurks beneath his fangs?

Fangs for Nothing is a kooky, spooky, vampire romance full to the cauldron-brim with fake dating, a meddling smutty book club, murder and mystery aplenty, endless cups of tea, quirky characters, and a broody vampire with an ass so fine, Geralt of Rivia comes to him for fitness tips.

Review:

A paranormal romcom featuring a grumpy reclusive vampire and the kooky professional human organizer he hires. Lord Alaric Valerian needs help cleaning up his castle since his mother is visiting for the first time ever... and he's had centuries to clutter up his home. Then he meets Winnie Preston, professional organizer and delicious smelling human. Winnie has had a streak of bad luck, from her fiancee cheating on her with her childhood best friend and a traumatic childhood from her mother's hoarding, Winnie just wants to get the job done... so when a hot guy hires her she is determined to clean up his castle. Yet things take a turn when fake dating gets involved, the fact that Winnie is falling for a vampire, oh and did I mention there's a killer on the loose? This was a cute read, albeit fairly long, but it was cute nonetheless, the smut and romance was nice, and I enjoyed reading the relationship between Winnie and Alaric. This is the first book in a series and definitely is one I'll be continuing to read. The characters are all really fun and the romance was sweet. I definitely enjoyed reading this and can see this series being one I'd recommend!

Release Date: September 10,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and ARC provided by Bacchanalia House for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[evydraws]

painting statues VS human skin... the first paint layer

[evydraws]

the color palette, the sketch, and the final acrylic painting (special edition book kickstarter)

[dyrewrites]

//supposed to be sleeping but I am compelled so have more//

Rel wouldn't get the chance quite yet.

As the woman she stared down was stepping closer, too fast, almost as fast as Rel could move.

"B-but human," she managed through strong, slender fingers on her throat.

Ones wrapped from behind as the woman caught her up close to her chest to get it, her other fingers--too cold and hard to be skin--had Rel's wrists stuffed between her own thighs.

"And you're a vampire," the woman purred. "But you're so tiny...and alone. Why?"

"Don't kn-know. J-just woke up last night."

"Last night?"

"Y...yes." She's so warm, Rel considered, unable to stop the shove to get closer. To feel what thrummed so loud in her ears, against her back, begging veins to pucker skin.

The woman noticed, lowering Rel's feet back to the ground as she rubbed hand from throat to lips and teased between with fingertips. "Hungry, kitten?"

"Yes..." Panted the word, teeth itching as canines grew for it, stretching too long to fit in her mouth.

The throaty voice in her ear swooned, tilting Rel's face to see her fangs, fingers massaging them as she spoke, "Have you eaten yet?"

Rel moaned, low and quiet, hips wiggling without her say so to press her captive hands tighter between her thighs.

"I'll assume that a no," the woman breathed, releasing fangs if not wrists...but offering one of her own. "I can crush these pretty little arms if you take too much."

Rel had no vocabulary left for the hunger. She'd not fed it. Not thought of how until she was on that cross but so close to a pulse so loud and a scent so sweet... she didn't know what to do. Hesitating and gawking at the offering.

"Oh," swooned said offering. "No one taught you a thing, did they?"

No words but Rel did try to bite, too quick, as a scared animal she bit.

And her wrists were dropped with a sharp breath, to snatch the curls cut close to her ears, head held firm on the wrist.

Voice soothing, if pained, "There, those sweet fangs know the way just--just keep close."

Moaned, Rel would say the woman moaned for her bite, for the rough draw of her veins. While Rel gripped the arm she latched to and near choked for the blood draining out of her fangs. But the fingers in her hair softened and petted, calming and encouraging and she slowed her feast to a steady pull.

Which is when she tasted it.

Hot honey, salty sweet and bursting with sensations she didn't understand and images too blurry to parse. As she tried they were yanked away, with her face and the wrist.

"That's enough, kitten...I don't plan to die in some filthy alley."

Rel stared up at her, tongue wet and dripping, chin soaked she stared.

The woman smiled, fetching a cloth to catch all the mess, wiping slow and sweet before it was returned to a pocket.

Still Rel stared.

"Roz, kitten," the woman cooed too close, licking her nose to force her eyes to unstick. "You?"

"R-Rel."

"Well ain't that cute. You got a place, Rel, any family might fear a walking corpse?"

"Got nothing, no one."

Turning to leave the alley, Roz snapped her fingers and pointed beside her. "Come."

"Where?" Rel asked as she followed.

Roz laughed low and breathy. "Does it matter?"

It didn't, not then. Someone wanted her, seemed to care--at least enough to feed her. Rel couldn't find room in the warmth of even so little compassion, and the heat of syrupy blood pulsing in her veins, to be worried.

[dyrewrites]

//okay but really now... I'm going to sleep, it's missing bits because phone drafting means missing bits but I will care later, take it I need to sleep//

Where was about two blocks down and twelve floors up to a highrise apartment snuggled between the glowing tracks of criss-crossing hovertrains.

The elevator ride up provided needed quiet, extra for magnetic couplings and cordless design, to ask questions.

Questions like, "How did you know?"

"What you are?" Roz asked with a smile, bending to do so, certain the leather corset she wore over a gauzy black blouse cut calculatingly low did its job.

Rel choked and looked away. "Yes. That."

She wasn't usually so shy. One doesn't survive alone in alleys and under bridges being shy. She just wasn't used to women so...tall.

That's it, she lied, it's the height is all. It's throwing me off. Get it together before you get your ass sold.

Roz was still smiling. Hungrily she smiled. But she stood up, leaned on the wall and dug an odd cigarette out of an inside pocket. It had a holder, long and thin, and the filter was longer than the paper.

Snapping fingers decidedly not made of skin, for they shined as gold, Roz lit her fingertip on fire.

Earning a gasp from her eager audience.

Shaking the fire out, after it served its purpose, she took a drag of the cigarette and savored the burn in her throat.

"I know a lot of things... kitten," she told the shocked little face staring up at her.

A face older than it appeared but younger than it would admit to. Rel was thirty-two, said her implant but she falsified that shortly after getting kicked out of her home. Really she was twenty-five and had been on her own since...well...she didn't want to talk about it.

What she did want to talk about was Roz. "But...about vampires, how do you know about them." Letting her hands help the words, Rel also took to pacing in the small space. "I mean I thought they were myths until I got eaten behind an incinerator and woke up in a cemetery."

While Roz had been smiling and watching the pacing thing, she stilled for the confession. "They left you in a cemetery?"

"Yeah. Out behind the big church down on Blake. I spent all morning trying to remember how I got there." More hands, frantically flailing as she paced faster. "Found out the sun just makes me sleepy so I slept more but I wasn't even buried. I thought they buried vampires but I didn't even get a fune--"

"Kitten." Interrupting the rant, Roz had put out and returned a spent cigarette to her coat and bent to hold Rel's shoulders. "Do you remember what they looked like?"

The elevator dinged, doors slid smooth and silently open and Rel choked.

For the sincere expression waiting for her to speak, after a hand shot out to hold the door.

"Pale, pretty, dirty old clothes though and they didn't say much."

Nodding, Roz ushered her out and asked more, "Were they white pale? Hair and skin and eyes?"

"Yeah...is that important? Do those kind leave people in cemeteries?"

"You're not exactly people anymore, are you?"

"Well--I--"

"We're here."

"...is this your apartment?"

"It is."

"And I'm... invited inside?"

"If you can behave. Can you...behave, kitten?"

Rel had more questions. So many more questions. About herself, about Roz, but right then, for all the smarm in that tone she just had the one, "Can you?"

And it caught Roz off guard, throwing her to deeper, richer laughter as she scanned her palm on the door and it slid open.

"I suppose there's a first time for everything," she answered on the way in, having to stop and turn when she wasn't followed. "Come inside, kitten. You're allowed."

"I--I know, you said." Rel wasn't sure what was happening and finally found enough sense to consider it. "When did you know... what I am, I mean?"

Taking her coat off, Roz hung it in a closet beside the door and slid boots off before she answered, "I saw you celebrating on the church windowsill." While Rel's eyes grew too big, Roz reached for her arms and yanked her inside, shoving her into the door after it slid closed. Where she slapped a hand beside her head and leaned close enough to feel hot breath on cool cheeks. "It was adorable...but not so much as you climbing up to that cross. Braving all its silver burn for... what? Why were you up there?"

Rel hoped her newfound undead situation meant she couldn't blush. Unfortunately, having eaten so recently, her tan little cheeks were a deep rose. But she answered, "I... wanted to stand on the cross...in front of the moon. Thought it would look cool."

Roz didn't laugh so much as giggle with resonance. And it was there Rel was allowed to see all of Roz's face.

The elevator and hallway offered only shadows and the rich dark color of her skin. In the apartment, lights soft and warm and perfectly placed...she saw sharp features but softly curved lips and a smattering of dark freckles unhidden by any makeup.

Though Roz did have gold on her eyelids and in her lashes, matching the metal of her left arm, shoulder and a few intricate piercings dangling from her ears.

Gold beautifully matching her eyes.

Biting a plum colored lip Rel assumed natural, Roz shook the giggles and shoved back.

"I'm guessing that implant's hacked then?"

Mesmerized by buttons Rel didn't know she had, she missed the insinuation until Roz was in the kitchen clattering in cupboards.

But she caught it and stomped after, slamming palms onto a black and gold counter. "You scanned me!"

"Mm-hmm." Setting two glasses down, Roz popped the top off a bottle too worn to see the label of.

As she poured the amber liquid into the glasses Rel know what it was and wondered if she could even drink it.

Then she realized why it was being poured and huffed, "I'm legal. Old enough for your back alley bourbon too."

"Are you?" Roz asked as she swirled hers, sipping before asking more, "Give me a number."

Rel snatched the other glass up and gulped half of it down, noting how it didn't burn like it should have. Glaring at a smarmy smile, she set the glass down, hopped onto the counter, grabbed Roz by her gauzy shirt and fed her an old enough tongue.

Which was taken with a swoon before another tap of glass to counter and a guiding of legs around waist deepened the kiss.

So warm she was, and without the lure of hunger Rel was able to appreciate it. To wrap arms around neck, legs around waist and tangle her cool tongue with the heat begging for it.

Pulling away, if slowly, Roz was even warmer but she stopped Rel from chasing. Another taste though, quick, sweet and she cupped her cheek.

"Waiting for that number, kitten."

Rel laughed and gave it, "Twenty-five." Tugging on arms and half-climbing to reach an ear, she added in a whisper, "Am I old enough to ride?"