The Eye of the World (Edited for Brevity)
I have mentioned before that I admin a Facebook Wheel of Time Fan Group. I have learned many things from that group.
One of those things are the fact that Wheel of Time fans are extremely creative and most have a pretty good sense of humor.
Don't believe me?
Well lucky for you I have an perfect example. Below you will find the creative work of one John Collin, I member of the Facebook WoT group.
His summation of Eye of the World has quickly become a favorite in the group. Enjoy!
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The Eye of the World (edited for brevity)
Lews Therin: Ilyena? Ilyena? Ilyena? Ilyena?
Camera Crew: That’s perfect!
Lews Therin: Dafuq are you?
Camera Crew: We’re making an FXX special that will air at 1:30 am
(Lews Therin balefires the camera crew out of existence)
Rand: Dad, I just saw a weird dark guy on the road.
Tam: Don’t be racist.
Rand: Are we going into town?
Dad: Yes, let’s go.
Rand: Hey, Mat.
Mat: I’m a total asshole, but chicks dig me.
Perrin: I’m a character in this story, too.
Moiraine: C’mon guys, let’s all leave Emond’s Field for Tar Valon.
Rand: Nah.
Trollocs: KILL!!!
Rand: I’ll drive.
Egwene: I’m coming, too, to make sure you don’t cheat on me.
Rand: Meh, you’re just gonna friendzone me anyway.
Egwene: Good point.
Min: Welcome to Baerlon. Wanna know how you’re gonna die or nah?
Rand: I’ll just go for a walk.
Padan Fain: Uh, oh, gotta run.
Rand: Why not come hang with us at the Stag and Lion?
Padan Fain: Pfft, sucker!
Rand: What?
Padan Fain: Nothing.
Nynaeve: Hah! Caught you! You didn’t think you were gonna get out of the twenty bucks you owe me that easily, did you?
Lan: How’d you find us?
Nynaeve: Mat kept posting Twitter updates.
Moiraine: Let’s go.
Egwene: Can you show me how to channel?
Moiraine: Ya sure.
Egwene: Rand, guess what?
Rand: You can channel?
Egwene: I can ch—Wait, how’d you know?
Rand: You just caught your dress on fire.
Lan: The trollocs are everywhere. We gotta go to Shadar Logoth.
Moiraine: Awright, everyone, don’t touch a thing there. We’re going to the most corrupt city on the planet.
Mat: Detroit?
Moiraine: Okay, second most.
Mat: I’mma just gonna take this thingy.
Moiraine: Don’t take the thingy.
Mat: I took the thingy.
Lan: We gotta get outta here.
Mashadar: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!
Moiraine: Oh shit.
Mat: Everyone is a Darkfriend!
Rand: You’re just going coo-coo bananas because of that dagger.
Mat: Yes, that’s true, but that has nothing to do with the fact that everyone is a
Darkfriend.
Rand: Good point. I’mma just zap ’em with the lightnings.
Howal Gode: BZZZZZZZZZT!
Mat: How’d you do that?
Rand: Fuck it if I know.
Egwene: Have you found us any rabbits?
Perrin: I haven’t found any rabbits.
Elyas: I have some rabbits.
Perrin & Egwene: Thanks
Elyas: You’re a wolf, Perrin.
Perrin: What makes you say that?
Elyas: You just howled.
Perrin: Nah, I just did that cuz Egwene is hot.
Elyas: That wasn’t Egwene. That’s Dapple.
Perrin: Oh.
Nynaeve: Hey, Lan, let’s go under this hedge and do it.
Lan: Nah.
Rand: Hey, Mat, we made it to Caemlyn.
Mat: I’mma go sulk in the corner.
Rand: Okay, well, I’mma go climb a wall because there’s nothing better for when people are chasing you to make yourself really conspicuous.
Elayne: Yo.
Rand: I really fell for you, Elayne.
Elayne: That was terrible.
Rand: I know.
Galad: I’m tellin’!
Moiraine: Finally found you all. Let’s go to Tar Valon cuz it’s super important.
Loial: I heard someone tell me that they heard from a friend that something’s going down at the Eye of the World.
Moiraine: Let’s go there instead, then.
Green Man: Heya.
Balthamel: RAWWWR!!!
Green Man: Looks like somebody needs a hug.
Aginor: RAWWWWWR!!!
Rand: I’mma kill you now.
Aginor: Dammit!
