Genre Aware Anime where all the Characters are Actively Trying to Not be their Anime Roles
Okay so I’ve been seeing these posts about individual genre aware anime characters so...
I propose putting them all into one show.
We start in a house with a mother and her six year old son. The mother wears her hair in a side low ponytail. “Mom,” says her son with yellow hair, “where’s Dad? He’s never around! I HATE him!”
The mother freezes. Oh no. Oh no. This has gone too far - his tragic backstory is starting! She takes her hair down immediately and then grabs her cellphone and tells her son to shut up. Her logic is anime mothers who die are always the kind and nurturing ones, so by being the opposite, she will avoid death. After several rings her husband picks up. “What-” “Get your useless ass over here. You’re becoming a househusband. This dumbass’s tragic backstory has just started because you care more about your experiments for the government than your family.” There is silence. And then...
“No.” “Yes.” “You can’t make me.” “I’m divorcing you.” “That’ll make it worse!” “They’re never divorced though, so it won’t.” More silence. Then- “Fine, I’ll send in my letter of resignation. The stuff we’ve been doing is leaning a bit too close to an alternate dimension that my son can fall into anyway.”
We cut to present day. Bright haired kid has now just started high school. His dad is making food when he comes in and they hug. He has Mommy issues now instead of Daddy issues.
Yep, meet the Protagonist. His goal in life? To not be the main character.
“Hi, Dad, I’m going to go to practice.” Bright haired kid, who’s hair is now shaved off so he’s bald, is in a rock band. Why? Because he made no friends as a child and his parents saw the symptoms of Tragic Backstory SyndromeTM and just kind of let him wander into a practice in someone’s garage.
“Sure thing, son”
We cut to someone else - another boy dyeing his hair dark green. We can see that it’s white at the roots. “The traffic should be perfect in around half an hour! Least chance of death by a car accident or by a mysterious force!” Yells his mother from the kitchen. Yes, this is a White Haired Anime Boy. His goal in life? To not die.
“Okay!” Yells white haired anime boy, finishing up his dye job. His logic is that if he dyes his hair Protagonist colors then the Universe will get confused and the anime won’t happen.
His phone rings, and he picks it up to a video call. On the other end is the only friend he’s been able to make without being worried about dying due to a tragic betrayal. She has pink hair cut into a short undercut.
Yep, this is the Pink Haired Anime Girl. Her goal in life? To not become the love interest. Her logic? Love interests never have hair in a short undercut. They also don’t have nose piercings, which she got under the condition from her father that she wouldn’t make friends with any boys who’s hair is naturally a bright color. White doesn’t count.
“Are you going to die today?”
“No. Are you going to fall dramatically into someone’s arms today?”
“That’s rarer than you think but no.”
“Nice.” White haired anime boy checks the time. “I’m gonna rinse my hair. Bye.”
“Bye.” Pink haired anime girl says deadpan, because most love interests who aren’t kuuderes are either bubbly and happy or angry, and since her hair is pink, she figures she has less of a chance of being a kuudere love interest.
We cut to a large-breasted girl putting on a huge beige sweater over a long white skirt. Meet the Fanservice Character. Her goal in life? To not be a fanservice character. This means nerdy clothes, multiple layers all the time, and being very careful where she steps and falls.
“I’m gonna go now!” She yells into the apartment and walks out the door. For good measure she always wears circular glasses instead of contacts - stereotypes, baby.
“Uh oh,” she thinks as she approaches a curve. Careful, careful.
“I’m sorry!” She’s bashed into by someone, obviously hurrying, his hair is a mess and his bag is still open, spilling papers onto the ground, and...
He’s not laying on top of her, to accidentally touching her. Self defense classes, baby.
“That’s okay!” She says and hurriedly gets up before he can talk to her more. She wouldn’t mind being the love interest above a fanservice character, but she’d much rather be nothing at all.
We cut to a classroom, where a huge gaggle of students are all congregated around a few desks, loudly chattering and talking and throwing things at each other. It’s obviously a huge amount if people and at the center?
Sitting on top of the desk but in a normal way, not a super-cool rival way, is a dark haired anime boy with dark eyes. His hair is kind of spiky, too, but it’s brushed way out of his face as he talks to and yells at everyone around him, seeming to keep up with over twenty conversations at once. It’s like he never even stops talking to breathe.
Yep, this is the Dark Haired, Silent But Respected Rival. His goal in life? To not be an angsty brooding loner. His logic? If he doesn’t shut up he can’t be silent, and if he’s liked by everyone then he can’t be disliked but respected because he won’t be disliked.
“Are you doing anything this year?” Someone asks, and the boy nods. Yes, he is - as a Silent But Respected Rival, he has a wide repertoire of skills so he can match the protagonist in everything, but he only actually tries at two, so that he can’t get good enough to be a rival - theater and ballet.
His logic? Have you ever seen a theater kid Silent But Respected Rival, or one who does ballet? No, no you haven’t, because theater kids are dramatic bitches and that is exactly what this kid is.
But not in the brooding loner way. That’s way too Rival-like.
These kids have had their lives shaped by an anime they don’t even know will happen. Ultimately it does, but-
The Fanservice Character is the rival. She’s silent enough for it. She’s a rival to the White Haired Boy, because dyeing your hair protagonist colors does something. The love interest is the Silent But Respected Rival, who’s having a gay crisis the whole time. The Pink Haired Girl doesn’t die but chills in the background and provides very sarcastic commentary. The Protagonist accidentally winds up as the fanservice character.
