#fatshame

[daniellasalamao]

- How beautiful is a woman in your natural state -

- Commissions are open! ( Please read my fixed post)

[nativeconservative]

Really? 🙃

[mermaidhair-5683]

have any other women out there experienced fat-shaming from their doctors?

just me?

[dewyou-babe]

I wish I was as fat as I was, the first time I thought I was fat.

“I want to be as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.” - said by, almost every woman I know. Do you though? That thinner, younger, prettier self you see in those pictures... Was she happy with herself then? Chances are the answer is no for most of us.

Personally, growing up I was bullied daily, for having breasts sooner than other girls, and for having a couple extra pounds on my body (hardly even over weight). This started so early I can’t even remember a time in my life that I didn’t think of myself as less than, imperfect, unworthy of love, and honestly, pissed off for not having a thinner body type.

I been on and off diets as long as I could remember. I remember always being so annoyed that I could eat the exact same as my friends, yet, still have a bigger body. It wasn’t fair, I’d think to myself. Why can’t I be thin and beautiful like many of the girls in my high school.

Why did people get to judge my body so harshly. Why aren’t girls like me represented more in media?((why did I read SEVENTEEN magazine? Just to feel shitty about myself clearly)) Why am I the only one on earth who has to feel this way!? It’s not fair!! It’s a lonely place to be as a kid. My mom always tried her hardest to help me. Whether it be trying to help me lose weight. (She truly came from a place of love with this, I know that) Or to remind me of how beautiful I was and how I wasn’t different, I was a woman and had a completely beautiful, normal body.

As a teenager, though, with no real life experience beyond the walls of a high school where everybody else seems perfect it’s hard to believe any of that. I was so angry, and sad, I HATED that body.

I wasn’t the ideal, I had curves and rolls, and big boobs. (even those weren’t “in” back then, weird huh)

I self harmed, and I didn’t want to live in that body at all, most days. I wasn’t the ideal body type so I’d obviously never be loved, I would never find a meaningful relationship with a man. I would never get a good job. I was nothing, because I wasn’t thin and beautiful. Sad that a 14 year old can feel all of these things because of their body type. Something so fucking out of their control it’s not funny.

So, do you really want to be a fat as you were the first time you thought you were fat? How did YOU feel back then, truthfully? Were you still wishing you were something else?

I don’t want to go back anymore, because I didn’t even love myself then. I’m a mom. I’m fat. I have stretch marks. I have rolls. I have big boobs. I have tattoos. I have colourful hair. I have more than one chin 😂. I have saggy skin.

And none of these things define my beauty.

Thinness won’t make you love yourself. There will always be something to work on if that is your mindset. Love yourself as fat, thin, tall, short, feminine, masculine etc whatever the fuck you are RIGHT NOW. Because this is the body you live in, it’s YOURS. And life’s way too short to waste it wishing for an ideal body you may never have and being miserable in the one you’ve got. There’s a whole fucking world out there waiting for you to take space up in it. Waiting for you to experience it. See all the things, get out of your own head and live. Cause lord knows none of us get out alive!

Fck it, I’m a mom. I’m fat, and I’m still beautiful❤️ Fck your beauty standards.

[novaevitaemea]

One of the worst feelings to experience is when you’re even a little bit overweight, and you’ve only eaten one meal the whole day, and it gets to 4pm and you’re hungry, so you go to get food, but you’re told “you don’t need that.” And you instantly feel bad because you feel like you don’t deserve to eat when you’re fucking hungry. Even though the person who thinks you’re too fat to require nutrition is the one who eats shit constantly 24/7 and doesn’t put any weight on.

Excuse me, I’m sorry my body has a low metabolism and you think one meal a day is enough for me. I’ll remember that next time my body expresses a need for food.

[daniellasalamao]

- Tiger -

- Commissions are open! (Please read my fixed post)

[semisonicboom]

This is the bullshit that I have to deal with on a daily basis, and honestly, I’m tired of it. Gays hating gays is so fucking ridiculous.

[confessionsofafoodaddict]

Me Too

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment and assault allegations. You’ve also likely seen the #metoo campaign all over social media, with women posting “Me, too” if they have been a victim of sexual harassment or sexual assault.

It is heartbreaking to see the number of Me Toos on Facebook and Twitter and to read women’s stories. I’ve shared before about unwanted touching by a male neighbor when I was five and having rumors spread about me at my first real job at a TV station, where the talk was that I “earned” my promotion from radio salesperson to creative director for the TV station by sleeping with the owner (100% not true).

I’ve discussed being drugged at a bar in LA and having a former client (multi-millionaire owner of a supplement company) tell me that HE was not renewing my contract because I was “intimidating,” due, in large part, to how I looked. This same client had previously made two other comments to me in a meeting in which I was the only woman that were sexually explicit in nature.

I even have a Bill Cosby story from my late 20s when I was working with his agent to have Cosby do a PSA for the AAO. Cosby agreed to do it, but only if I flew down to LA in person to sign the contract. This was after his agent joked to me that Cosby wanted to know what I looked like before he agreed to do the PSA. Thank GOD I had a manager (male!) who supported me and was beyond outraged and gave me the confidence to stand up for myself and tell Bill and his agent to go screw themselves. (Turned out, they faxed the contract and did the PSA anyway.)

Given my personal experiences, I am both outraged at the Weinstein fallout and not surprised at all. How many times do we need to hear about a rich, famous, powerful man preying on women?

And I’m thrilled to see so many men stepping up and seeming to get it. But then...

Mayim Bialik.

And I realize that it’s not just the MEN who need to get it. I realize how many women are complicit in the degradation of their own gender.

In her op-ed in the New York Times, Bialik talks about being a teen star with “unconventional” looks and proceeds to talk about her desire to be around people who “valued me more for what was inside my brain than what was inside my bra.” She then throws a fellow actress under the bus, writing that she “wondered if [she] should get breast implants to look more like Christina Applegate, who got so much attention for her curves.” 

As I’m reading this, I am bristling. She writes as if conventionally attractive women don’t feel the exact same way. Regardless of what you look like, we ALL want to be around people who value us for who we are, not what we look like.

Then, right when I think I’m reading too much into her words, Bialik continues: “As a proud feminist with little desire to diet, get plastic surgery or hire a personal trainer, I have almost no personal experience with men asking me to meetings in their hotel rooms...  I still make choices every day as a 41-year-old actress that I think of as self-protecting and wise. I have decided that my sexual self is best reserved for private situations with those I am most intimate with. I dress modestly. I don’t act flirtatiously with men as a policy.”

Then, in her finale statement, she puts the exclamation point ON her point: “And if — like me — you’re not a perfect 10, know that there are people out there who will find you stunning, irresistible and worthy of attention, respect and love. The best part is you don’t have to go to a hotel room or a casting couch to find them.“

You know what Mayim, every woman (even the perfect 10) fucking wants that too. I for one reserve my sexual self for private situations with those I am most intimate with. I don’t act flirtatiously with men I work with. And dressing modestly? Seriously Mayim? Not only is that totally subjective, but are you seriously going to pull the “how she dressed” play card from rapists?

As if it’s not bad enough that men will say “she asked for it,” now we have a woman seeming to say if you are attractive and garner male attention and work to look your best, well, then you should EXPECT men to assume you’ll go their rooms and that you CLEARLY need and secretly crave that attention.

Um... no. First of all, harassment and assault happen to women of all sizes and looks. Second, here’s the a reality that many women don’t talk about for fear of coming across as arrogant or some other such judgement, and that is looking a certain way isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

While I am far from a perfect 10, I can tell you that for years, I felt that being conventionally attractive was a scary place to be. In high school, I confessed to my then-boyfriend that I wanted to take a fork across my face for reasons I explained to him.

In college and in my 20s, I gained weight and fed my food addiction as a way to protect myself, because men left me alone in large part when I was heavier. It was, quite literally, a safety barrier. Ditto after the drugging incident in LA.

But here’s the elephant in the room that no one talks about and that Mayim highlights all too well... Women are truly awful to each other.

We tear down those who “look too good” and we fat shame other women. We criticize parenting and housekeeping and relationships. We gossip.

In fact, the dirty little secret many women don’t talk about is the amount of girl-on-girl violence women inflict on each other. We are JUST as guilty of harassment and mental and emotional assault on each other as our male counterparts. 

I’d even venture to say that if we started a “me too” campaign for women who’ve been harassed and verbally assaulted by other women, we’d see as many if not more posts than we do now.

While it is high time to pull back the curtain on men who actively degrade and abuse women, we cannot ignore the fact that many women are passively-aggressively abusive in their own ways.

So as we rightly fight to make it known that women are not toys to be played with, brilliant minds who come at a discounted price, or there to be seen but not heard, we must do one thing first and foremost.

We must set the example in how we treat each other. If we as women don’t respect each other, why on earth would we expect men to do any differently.