#fattery

[double-cheese-lines]

[japoreanese]

Of course I would be the one to eat Ice cream at 12:30 in the morning

[extrafirmhold]

2fat4U

Just took a 'before' shot for P90X (which I'm starting as soon as I finish all the chocolate, carbs, and cakes in the house - yescakesasinplural), and WOAH NELLY: I am a whale shark looking into the reflection of a Snorlax, with the soul of a barrel of Hersheys. I genuinely think I have body dismorphia, In that, I think I look 1000% better than I actually do. But shit man, the camera does not lie. And things are just a little bit 2REAL right now.

OK YES, So maaaaaaybe I ate Mcdonalds four days straight, MAAAAYBE I drank too many vodkas and beers, and ate all of the Pizzas. I LIVE NEXT TO A MCDONALDS, BURGER KING, SUBWAY AND QUIZNOS. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. I just hope we can all focus on my next project - eating things the size of my earlobe for four weeks straight. Because my waistline currently measures... *measuring tape immediately explodes, killing two nearby dogs*

[extrafirmhold]

Cake.

Yesterday I caught a glimpse of a flabby gut in the mirror - something I had denied existed for a while, but due to a newly relocated, rehabilitated full-length bathroom mirror now residing in the bedroom, I could deny no more (cunt mirror). Literally that second, I threw myself on to the floor and did push-ups. I vowed from that day on I would finally begin P90X Proper, and lose that gut once and for all. Fast forward to two minutes ago, I am standing at the work fridge, examining the finger scrapes in a bowl that had once contained Carrot Cake frosting. I didn't even use a fork. I didn't even remove the cake from the bowl that also contained a piece of chocolate cake (now deceased). I just scraped it out of the bowl with my bare hands and shoved it in mouth with little disregard for aim. Even as I type this I can plainly see a piece of frosting still stuck to 'stache. I just reached in and grabbed it. I feel like one of those circus lions, holding it's trainers head in his mouth thinking: "come on Leo, think! How did I get from point A to point B. Did I black out? It was probably a black out". And then he just snaps his neck and goes for a tan.

[extrafirmhold]

Have you ever just walked into a store to get milk. And then just bought everything you were craving right that second? This is what that looks like. I would also like you to know that I will be eating the strawberries and the pear, sponge and mousse dessert first, then the yoghurt, then the callipos and then parmigiana. Breaking my cardinal rule 'savory first, sweet later’. This is what hungover looks like. Oh yeah - and I just figured I needed the metamucil to help get all this out safely ~_~