If you see me with my real hair, no, you actually didn’t. You are seeing my hyper realistic wig made out of only the finest elephant tusks and most expensive computers graphics cards. My minions mix it with some gruel I received from Bill Murray at a house party golf trip in the Galapagos. Combined with only a hint of the ink from some alien creature that washed up at sea and sealed with a transparent exfoliative compound made from Elmers glue and Elon Musk’s tears, it mimics the exact look, feel, texture and glorious wind-blown look of my original hair which is no more.
This wig is a temporary replacement as my head gets prepped for a transplant hair transplant I bought from the dark web. I have to keep my head perfectly shaved for 8-10 weeks as my surgeons prepare the hair from The Beach Bog Company, LLC, in the Surfer Blonde color. I gained the money for this transplant from my crypto expeditions (which you can see the video on here: youtu(dot)be/SSEtGYdpw1Y ). It’s made from used tampons with the secret Bog sauce (which I think is just barbecue but they won’t tell me) and stretched out into hair over thousands of millennia. Lucky for me, I don’t care what sauce they use. I really don’t. I have no secret interest in what sauce they use. It doesn’t even matter. Not to me at least. Whatever. Anyways the hair is coming in the mail in the next 3 weeks and then I have to place it in pure citric acid until it becomes my desired thickness which may be up to 12 years of time because I don’t have Citric acid (target ran out) so I’m substituting lemon and lime icee syrup.
My old hair will be wiped from the internet except for one NFT which will be available on 4/29/22 for 2848393 eth. Every old video of mine will have my hair edited out by the finest contractors I could get on such short notice. They had a poster hanging in Fort Washington State Park and oh I just couldn’t resist. Whatever anyways enjoy the look while it lasts because from now until the end of time I’ll be looking fly as fuck.
