#fauxpologies

[tropylium]

there’s some “here’s how to apologize” guide going around again and… as always, it completely misses the point

fauxpologies do not happen because people wouldn’t know how to apologize. they happen, 100% of the time, because the person giving it does not think they’ve done anything wrong

as long as this premise is not there, it is impossible for anyone to give a genuine apology leading to meaningful change; people will at most continue to give performative displays aimed at getting hecklers to back off and stop bothering them

for that matter, no amount of outsider heckling can force anyone to realize they have done something wrong, either: this requires thoughtful and respectful discussion with the person, with room left for the possibility that they in fact have not done anything wrong and the request for an apology is baseless

[magdolenelives]

(via)

[amymyoung]

One of these days I’ll do up a blog post about apologies vs fauxpologies.

But for now this’ll do. When you get to number 6 - keep in mind that the person you’re apologizing to does not have to forgive you. They also don’t have to give you a reason why. You are not entitled to it. Yes, it’s great to hear that you’re forgiven, but that forgiveness may take years if it ever gets granted, and that is something to work on accepting.

[passionthatmoves]

‘The readiness of the English to apologise for something they haven’t done is remarkable,’ Henry Hitchings writes in Sorry! The English and their Manners (2013), ‘and it is matched by an unwillingness to apologise for what they have done.’ Boris Johnson presents a classic case. He’s the sort who’ll gabble apologies on entering a room or sitting in a chair, an upper-class tic that gives the impression of excessively good manners. By mumbling vague apologies and failing to individuate his words, Johnson creates an aura of harmless stupidity that makes him seem like a friendly, slovenly underdog to a nation with a soft spot for incompetence.

Arianne Shahvisi, ‘Fauxpologies’ (June, 2020) London Review of Books Blog

[comicscreatorsbeavingbadly]

As a fan of both the X-Men franchise and some of his past work, I’d like to believe the best from writer Rick Remender’s online apology over his mishandling of the recent criticism surrounding his latest issue of Uncanny Avengers.

Unfortunately, regardless of intentions, “sorry” needs to be the first word in these discussions, not the last. And his statements both before and after apologizing don’t engender any more trust in his ability to properly explore the theme his story introduced. Which is a shame.

The issue began with a problematic speech given by former X-Man Alex Summers — aka Havok — at the conclusion of last week’s issue, in which he decries the use of the term Mutant, calling it “divisive,” and “old thinking that serves to further separate us from our fellow man.”

[rhube]

Update on Samaritans Radar

Thanks to stavvers for mentioning this, as I haven't received a response at all.

Samaritans have made a post not apologising at all for Samaritans Radar and saying that they don't think any of the criticisms are valid, because they did research first and it didn't tell them that people were going to have a MASSIVE PROBLEM with this so how dare we have a problem.

They have also said that you can DM them to say that you want to opt out. They've said they've 'disabled' the function that stops you from being able to do this if they don't follow you.

Unfortunately, it's not possible to do this. I just tried to DM them. Twice. I got the same message each time to say that it's not possible.

I've tweeted at them on Twitter in case they take any notice of that, but I somehow doubt they will.

[irisbeacon]

Fauxpologies versus real apologies.

A real apology does not:

Attempt to elicit sympathy for the person doing the apologising, and thus:

Attempt to exonerate the person doing the apology, however vaguely.

A real apology does the following:

Names names.   You are apologising to a person, not to the ether.

Admits to and addresses the behaviours highlighted by the accuser/s.

Without such an admission, how on earth are your readers supposed to know who you are apologising to and what for? 

It gives the distinct impression that the apologising person is reluctant to test the limits of their audience - and therefore risk losing the sympathy of said audience - by admitting to specific behaviour examples.  

[punlich]

D= D= I had no idea Lost Girl was going to be such a mess. Fucking hell, I really liked the first couple of episodes, too. Thanks for warning me!

Like if they had gone with a real apology and were like "fuck, okay we're really sorry, we fucked up" and I dunno maybe put a trans girl character into it that isn't a trope filled cisfuckery attack on trans women?

I could deal. I'd probably skip the one episode and keep watching. 

But it was a nonapology and they pretend they're super inclusive and queerawesome but they shit on trans girls like the entire fucking queer community does so fuck them and the horse they rode in on and the horse their horse rode in on and that horse's mother.

They are shit, their show is shit and fuck them