"Favourite friends"
And the experience of being nobody's "favourite friend."
Girl friendships, in my opinion, are one of the most complex phenomena that a girl can experience as they grow up. It is, potentially, an essential part of girlhood. I'm particularly going to focus on teenage friendships between girls, starting with early teens.
Girl friendships can be some of the most rewarding relationships that you can build. It's reassuring to know that there will always be someone to turn to, and have lighten your mood. Whenever I think of girl friendships, I immediately think of the recent trend where Rachel (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, not that I've watched it.....sorry.....) says, "I've got my girls." I think that this completely en-captures the beauty of these relationships.
However, being in girl friendships, particularly in a group of 3 or more, can bring forward issues like hierarchy, and favouritism.
Everybody has had a 'favourite friend.' You can admit it. There has been that friend that you liked a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit more than the rest of the group. You might love all of your friends equally..... except that one person that you love a teensy tiny bit more..... or a lot more, but the point still stands. Best friends, favourite friends, whatever you call them, exist, and are normal.
When a group is hanging out together, you might feel more (or less) inclined to attend, depending on whether your favourite friend is going to be there. You can't help who you get along with more, but you can help how you treat the friends that aren't necessarily your favourite.
I, unfortunately, had to go through the experience of being nobody's "favourite friend." As one group member out of four, I knew deep down that between the other three members of the group, they all had favourites, and I was not anyone's.
You're probably wondering how on earth a group of 4 means that one is left out- after all, trios are the most notorious friendship group number, not 4. A group of 4 should be safe- a set of two best friends, right? It could have been due to the fact that I was the youngest by at least a year, or just the fact that my personality didn't mesh with my friends as much as I wanted. Well, either way, somehow, I was the least favourite.
I slowly started becoming more and more aware of the fact that I was not getting invited to group situations as much anymore, I didn't understand all their inside jokes; we didn't know the same people, and we were experiencing different things. After many tears on my behalf, feeling like an outcast, etc. I came to terms with the fact that I didn't want to be a least favourite friend in a group, and eventually ended up leaving the friendship group I previously mentioned.
Now, many many years later, I have started moving on from this friendship, and regard these girls with respect and friendliness. After all, we were just children trying to navigate friendships.
Knowing you are not anybody's favourite friend can be extremely detrimental to somebody's self worth and confidence, and is not an experience that I would wish upon anyone. I hope that if this did happen to you, you feel less alone by my shared experience, despite the limited details I felt confident to share.
Love Always.
