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"So Aidan and Xavier? They're the ones who killed the wicked bitch?"

Heavy In Your Arms | Valentina & Maya | Convo

Maya: Quiet and calm. Slow and steady. It was all Maya recognized while she laid there on his bed - in his empty room - as she listened to the sound of her beating heart. A fragile noise, vulnerable and broken, and yet still alive. The latter probably bother the Russian girl the most and this time that realization didn‘t even manage to unsettle her. She didn‘t belong here. Not without Val or Ryan. Not without Aidan who would soon follow their lead. Not without snow and the low laugh of her father. Not without her mother‘s kind smile and the sound of her lovely voice whenever she sang to her. The empty pillbox rested in her hand and she couldn‘t really bring herself to care about the fact that she had emptied it during the past few days, starting with the moment when Valentina had left her. Sofia would be mad once she found out but again ... Maya had stopped caring and somehow everything felt more bearable. Numb and dull.

Valentina: The box of donuts that Sofia had given to her rested in her hands as Valentina’s shaky steps approached Maya’s room. She had avoided the Russian for quite some time now and she had a feeling that it had not done any good yet – not for her and not for Maya. She had wanted to fight bringing the box to her, but figured that it was the least she could do for her. After a few knocks that were unanswered, the Brunette decided that it probably was for the better and opened up the door hesitantly, stepping in and placing the packet onto the desk. A few deep breaths later, she could not help but look around and soak in the sweet scent of her… her friend – when she noted that it looked like no one had slept in the bed for days. A rush of panic made its way up through her body as she turned around and scanned the room for signs of life, telling herself to breathe steadily, when she noted that Maya must have been gone for a while.

Maya didn‘t know how much time had passed since she had taken the last pill as she wrapped herself tighter into his blanket and her own. These days it was her conscience that kept torturing her, being aware who had helped Ryan along with the fact that she wanted to protect this person to the best of her abilities. But Maya was a mess, a mere shell of who she once used to be while she was struggling between giving up and fighting for that one person that still stood by her side. The thoughts that consumed her troubled mind caused her body to shake in terror and her breath, which had been so even and slow just a few second ago, finally erupted from her lips in heavy pants, leaving her breathless as she panted desperately for air.

Valentina: Maya’s blanket was missing, along with the collection of sweets that she usually kept in her room. Valentina looked around, feeling her mind cloud up with panic and tried to remember to stay calm and collected. She had to find her. She would not let other thoughts and ideas come into her mind other than her staying somewhere else, screw solitude, screw all of it, her mind screamed as she hurried out of the door, closing it behind her, and started making her way towards Ryan’s room. Ryan. The topic that hurt all of the recruits at the moment – and Valentina knew that it was the hardest for the fragile Russian. In her mind, she begged and pleaded to find Maya quickly, knowing that she would need a friend if she would find her in the state she imagined her to be in. Not caring to knock, the Brunette threw open the door, to let out a relieved sigh; her throat clogged, her eyes wide. Just a quick look was enough for her to exactly recognize the situation that she, herself, had been in so many times. Without hesitation now, she was at Maya’s side, honest worry in her voice. “Maya?”

Maya didn‘t response to her friend‘s questioning tone. Ryan was gone. He had left her. Just like Valentina had. Which was why she mistook Valentina‘s presence for a hallucination, brought up by her mind in just another attempt to cut her furthermore. The Russian simply shook her head, absentmindedly, as if she could banish the vision of the other recruit from her sight. Yet nothing succeeded. She was still there, still watching her with a worried expression in her eyes. And yet somehow her concern left Maya hopeless, knowing that none of it was real, knowing that she didn‘t care. Not about her. Therefore she kept shaking her head, laying on the mattress of Ryan‘s bed before hiding her face in the pillow, his scent still clinging to the feathers.

Valentina: Hallucination was something Valentina knew all too well, so when she saw the disbelieving look in Maya’s eyes, she knew that she must have thought the Brunette was a projection the drugs had created. “Maya, I’m here. I’m here, don’t worry, I won’t go away- again-“ She felt her voice break apart as she spoke, but forced herself to stay strong and to prevent herself from failing to help her friend. At that moment, all that mattered was to get her better, if it was against her original plan of keeping away from her or not. Lightly, but without hesitation, Valentina touched the Russian’s trembling arm with one hand, and used the other shaky one to stroke her hair, careful to hold back a sob that was gathering in her throat, trying to banish the memory of her nonresponsive mother from her mind. Not again. This time, Valentina would save her.

Maya: The words coming from Valentina‘s lips sounded unreal, like lies filling the silence, because she wasn‘t here, was she? No, not really. Even if this wasn‘t a hallucination then she still had left her behind, having made up an excuse that this was for her own best. Lies. Everyone lied. Shaking her head once again she didn‘t dare to look up, too invested with herself and the wish of just getting lost in the depths of her being in order to be free of everything and everyone. To care for other people just hurt and if someone knew that then it was her. After all she had learned it the hard way. „No, you aren‘t. You left me ...“

Valentina: Trying to hold back the tears that were now silently running down her cheeks, she witnessed what she had done to the Russian, realizing that she had been right after all – in the end, she hurt people, in one way or another. “Maya, focus on my voice. I am here for you. I won’t leave you.” She remembered Bennett that had put her into a panic attack and had her focus on his voice, and how it brought her back to reality – as well as the voice of Oliver after a ridiculous amount of Valium back in the day. Carefully, she took the fragile girl by her shoulders and turned her around, looking out for the blanket that was wrapped around her to stay in place. “Look at me, Maya. You- you are not alone and you won’t be again.” For a second, she pressed her eyes shut as if it kept the tears from falling down.

Maya: „No ...“ she started, her voice barely audible. „People always promise they won‘t leave ... they always lie.“ she continued, no strength or determination radiating from her petite frame as she kept her eyes close, her voice sounding muffled as she talked into the blanket. „Ryan lied ... you lied ... Papa lied. Liars ...“ By now soft sobbing sounds were drawn from her lips and she tightened her grip around the empty pillbox, fighting against the soothing feeling Valentina‘s touch was providing. She didn‘t want to feel better. She wanted it to end.

Valentina looked around now, desperate to find something to help her get the girl back into reality. All she had was herself, her self-doubting mind; there was no one there to help her. It was like she was pulled back in time, trying to resurrect her mother to what she had been but failing. “Come on.” The Brunette’s gentle hands pulled the Russian into a sitting position, and positioned herself right in front of her. “Look at me, Maya, please look at me.” Valentina was trembling with fear, afraid that she had done too much damage already. This was her fault. She should have helped Maya through it instead of pushing her further in. She could not deny that she was a liar, because she was.

Maya‘s gaze was clouded, not by tears but a tiring shadow that blurred her vision. And yet Valentina‘s voice somehow soothed her, guiding her through the darkness despite her refusal of believing her words. Looking at the other brunette she noticed the honest concern that mirrored in her eyes and something just snapped, falling from her like a burden that was pushing her down. That moment Maya broke. She Russian girl started sobbing, her shivering body trembling even more as she kept her blue hues fixed on the female recruit in front of her, unable to say anything while she was choked by sobs.

Valentina could watch the expression in Maya’s eyes shift from disbelieving to the point that her eyes filled with water as reality dawned on her. Swallowing her own tears, she knew that the worst part was over and took a deep breath, her hands on her friend’s arms as to hold her together. She seemed so fragile, as if she would break apart any second. “Okay, Maya, keep looking at me. It’s going to be alright. I’m here.” All of Valentina’s awkwardness and hesitation was gone for that very moment – even if the little voices in her head were still there, she suddenly was someone that she hadn’t been for over sixteen years. The Brunette shifted next to the Russian with one swift move and allowed her to sink into her arms.

Maya: ,It‘s going to be alright. I‘m here.‘ The words echoed in her numb mind, filling the void that she tried to keep up in order to remain sane while at the same time failing so miserably. She wanted to believe them, wanted to lay all her hopes into Valentina and her promises. But why wouldn‘t she end up devastated and hurt all over again? Why should she believe that this time she was saying the truth? „Please ... please don‘t give me hope.“ she whispered, the words leaving her lips in a desperate manner as they almost were inaudible. „Please don‘t ...“ she started once again but trailed off, the sensation of being pulled into her warm embrace too overwhelming to be able to process. She couldn‘t remember when she had ever done that before, welcomed her without any hesitation, and when Maya was finally able to rest her head on the other girl‘s chest, hearing the beating of her heart, she believed for the first time that she wasn‘t lying again.

Valentina lifted a free hand to press it to her mouth at the other girl’s words to stop herself from sobbing. She closed her eyes and tried to suppress the doubts that came rushing through her mind – she found herself back in a situation without an exit and felt like the walls were closing in on her. “I’m sorry”, was all she could whisper as an answer as she held the other girl, a mere apology for what she had caused. Valentina had wished to be able to be that woman for an eternity – the one that could just bond and be there for people without holding back, without the paining doubts that were constantly sitting in the back of her brain, but she wasn’t sure if she could channel her as she wanted. “I’m so sorry.”

Maya: „It‘s ... It‘s okay, Val.“ Maya whispered weakly, the words leaving her lips absentmindedly, not really registering that she was talking at all. Her body slowly calmed down, the warm embrace of the other recruit providing enough comfort to soothe her body while her mind was still far away, in another world, a world that was just as dark as the one she lived in if not even darker. „Don‘t be sorry ... it‘s okay.“ Maya continued, the uttered words sounding like a mantra as she repeated them over and over again, caressing her friend‘s arm with the gentle touch of her hand, knowing that both of them needed to be held and comforted.

Valentina pressed her eyes shut again and held the other girl a little closer. She realized that she had needed this all along, but simultaneously, she was eaten up by her fears to make things worse with her actions. “Forgive me” she whispered, knowing that Maya’s words were just a reaction to her openness for now; knowing that it wasn’t okay, that she had done something horrible – yet again. She would probably have to tell her the truth – all of it. But for now, she let herself be everything she had stopped herself from for so long, even if it was wrong. “I’ll stay with you.” She meant her words. Valentina would not have let her friend alone anymore.

#fawrish #convo #heavyinyourarms #maya a

It's Broken || Sofia and Aidan

It was strange to be within the walls of Division after being gone for almost two months now. Just as everything was getting better for her she was sent right back into the pits of hell that she thought she had left for good. Despite the anxiety that being back in the bunker gave her, she was excited to see the people she was forced to leave behind in order to pursue the start of her second chance. One of them was the jittery younger boy that she had attempted to teach how to shoot a gun. Maya had told her that he was doing well, or rather, doing better than when she was last there and it made her smile. It sounded as if he had avoided the dreadful Sarah better than she had and was thankful that he didn't have to go through the treatments the therapist had made her endure.

The whole purpose of going to see him was to get the water logged Division iPhone back into working order -- and to discuss the current rumors of who had helped robot Ryan massacre Ashley Donovan, a good friend of her's, and the enemy that was gratefully no longer with them. Sofia skipped through the halls looking for the room number Aidan had given her with the phone in hand so that he could show her where this 'SIM' card was located. The small agent closed the distance towards his door and carefully hit her fist against the metal door three times before stepping back to look up and down the halls before knocking once again.

#para: its broken #fawrish #aidanvice

--I just want to go back home? I don't want to stay here any longer.