Feb 11, 2026. Wednesday, 10:55 am.
Veins
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Ok now we are getting closer (im finishing up and its feb 13 but 12:09 now)-
We had the heart practicle and i was so pissed cuz i got 2 wrong. On the 15 written question part i nailed it for sure. Tripple checked and everything, i understood it all
The part where we had to put flash cards in order of blood rotation? I also nailed it. I knew i did.
BUT
ON THE LAST FUCKUNG PART WHERE I PUT THE AORTA FLASHCARD, I PUT ONE ON TOP THAT WAS THE ONE FOR BLOOD GOING TO ALL BODY TISSUES, AND UNDER IT TO SHOW THAT IT GOES TO THE CORONARY ARTERY, AND THEN NEXT TO IT I PUT THAT IT GOES TO THE HEART
He asked me to explained it. I panickef and moved them around. He said i wasnt wrong but to explain why i did that. I got nervous and tried but be looked at me like 🧍♂️.AND I FELT STUPID so i panicked and just lined them up because i started thinking
"Wait, I AM DOING THIS WRONG??? WAIT
OML!!! ITS ACTUALLY NOT LIKE THAT??? DID I STUDY IT WRONG??? IT GOES AT THE SAME TIME NO??? OML I PROBABLY STUDIED IT WRONG. IM WRONG. EVERYTHING I LEARNED WAS WRONG."
So i changed it. I got it wrong. I was right the first time.
I hate that stuff like that happens to me all the time. Like, ik i was right. I studied for hours. He specificslly told us that THAT part of the test was were most people screwed up on. I made sure i knew, and i know. But i was like "what if it really isnt though??? What if i missed something??? What if i missunderstood or didnt get it or actually everythibg ive been learning is a lie what if what if what if fucking if.
But no. I was right. But ofc i had to give in and think i was wrong cuz it felt right. And now i lost 2 points.
Plus the ppl i worked with for vein study after, i did not like them
They seemed mean and i could tell they disnt like that me and another girl had to join their group. One of them looked like she was tryibg to block my view on pourpose, and i could tell they were speaking in spanish cuz they thougjt i wouldnt ubderstand. It was obvious. Its not uncommon for ppl to think that, and i can tell when ppl are just speaking it cuz like they are just speaking it, and when ppl are speaking it because they think no one else can understand them. And there is diffrence in times like, trying to keep somethibg privet and when ppl try to exclude you. And i felt like me and the other girl were getting excluded a lot. It felt like middle school again
I cant believe adults act like that. Thats middle school shit. Idk it pissed me off especislly when the same girl kept almost hitting me with her hair. Maybe it was nothing and im being stupid, but idk. At least the girl i was with was nice
I just feel like everyone knows what they are doing, like they were born with a cheat code or like i missed the one day in school were they taught everyone how to be a normal functioning person. Ik maybe i am the problem but i really dint know what i did wrong
I was just standing there quietly. Ik some ppl take quietness for rudeness, but i felt like i was gonna shit bricks cuz im scared to talk to ppl, and now i had to work with a group of ppl. I think my shyness and anxiety was mistaken for rudeness or dissintrest, but i was scared. I dont know how to not be scared. And i tried. I really tried to interact but after my first input i fucking emberrassed myself cuz i took too long looning for a fucking vein that we had already done but i didnt know CUZ I COULDNT SEE CUZ THE LADY WAS BLOCKING MY VIEW-
I could rant all day (night) but at the end of the day its my fault because i need to be better and know how to deal with ppl. I should have been better at it by now but i never get better at it. Im a coward
