#feelbro

[lputari-blog]

#feelbro (at Kenya)

[noodleweight]

I've watched a lot of videos about unfucking deadlifts today. Ever since I hurt my hip flexors and shortly after that tore a hole in my rectus abdominis I've had a lot of trouble getting some respectable weight up. My squat hasn't suffered as much as I'd expected, but my deadlift.. It's sad. It takes a lot of effort to even lift 275 a few times and that shit should just fly up, you know? I know it's mostly my form, I haven't lost much strength. I can feel the 'wrong' when I'm setting up, but getting it right is so damn uncomfortable and painful that I simply can't focus on getting it off the floor. I'm going to try tomorrow with about 135 pounds, maybe even less, to just open everything up and stretch everything out, maybe fuck around with my stance a little bit and hopefully find my sweet spot again. I miss lifting more than 3 plates so fucking much.

[noodleweight]

It's silly, when you think about it. How little decisions, seemingly insignificant events build up to the greatest most life changing things. How none of us would have thought of this a year, two years, five years ago. How, when you think back and think hard, things were already happening back then. Lining up, if you will, making sure everyone would be in the right place at the right time. Everything has to be just right. "Universe". Or maybe coincidence, I don't know. Whatever it is, it's brought me here and even though right now things are difficult and not exactly ideal, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. You've only been gone for a couple of hours now but I already miss your smile and your voice and if I ever thought I loved anything or anyone.. holy shit, was I wrong. Truth is I didn't even know it existed, this thing. I didn't know I could exist without all my rules and protocols, backdoor exits and safety nets and I didn't know anyone could want me like you do; flaws and demons and skeletons in closets and all. I honestly thought it was all lies and pop songs and fairytales, romantic comedies starring Jennifer Anniston and other people I strongly dislike. You know, things written down by people that get paid to make others believe this 'love' thing actually exists. Hah. Joke's on them, it's very fucking real. I love you. I love every last thing about you more than anyone else ever will. Don't you forget it. We'll be fine.

[noodleweight]

I'm seriously pissed the fuck off. Like, I hurt my ribs last week and I can't fucking maintain abdominal pressure anymore, it just hurts so goddamn much and I have no idea what the hell happened and why it's still bothering me this much. I JUST WANT TO SQUAT SOMETHING THAT'S NOT 140 POUNDS PLS.