Hey all, i know i posted something positive this morning and im glad people liked it, and it wasnt just for you guys. It was for me too. Life has been kicking my ass...hard. Not even kidding. Its not been anything on here really, though some stuff has bothered me. But I'll get to that in a moment. I'll start with the big stuff. 1. My aunt is dying of cancer in a hospital in Indianapolis somewhere and theres no way i can see her. I dont have any money to get there, and i honestly, sadly, can't afford a day off :( i work fast food for gods sake...and thats barely enough to pay bills. Grocery shopping is also rather difficult for my sister and i. We do it whenever we can though. 2. My job was threatened yesterday because i was feeling negative about my aunt and it was getting to me. And my somewhat jerk of a boss said i had no right to be upset and that if i remained negative hed terminate me. Granted he apologized a little earlier today but it stings still cause i cant find a job anywhere else in my city. 3. My business isnt making all that much. I was really tempted to just up and quit it but a certain someone (you know who you are) was very quick to set me straight. But i desperately need some buys. No, this is not me begging, far from it. Just letting people know the situation. I started this to help my sister get out of the 9,000 dollar hole her jackass roommates left her in and im not giving up now. Though some days, its rather tempting. 4. I feel isolated on here. Granted its my own fault cause i dont put all the stuff im into on here, but...im really big into the scp foundation fandom and have two characters (one of which is the inspiration for my name on here) but im also afraid of being rejected by the community that I've made myself suffer in silence. Yeah, i comment on videos and stuff in character at times, but thats typically for just one individual, and he knows who he is. The one i use less often, cadence revan, is the one i fear using the most due to people thinking shes a knock off or a mary sue cause im still sort of new to this whole thing. Carson o'reilly, my doctor OC, is the one i typically use the most...like i said, i know its my fault for not putting myself out there but the truth is i feel so alone in this its not even funny. 5. Im very good at lying to myself it seems. I try to tell myself im okay and that its not gonna get any worse than this so i might as well just be happy. But im not happy. And what really sucks is i honestly don't know why. I actually really like my job. I love my life for the most part, but it always feels like somethings missing. But all the while i just tell myself its alright and that good things will come and all i keep thinking is when, when, when. I try not to dwell too much on this cause its just depressing. And of course lastly the election. Oh my gosh where do i begin? I had a coworker tell me how oh Donald Trump is gonna do amazing things for this country and blah blah blah. Yeah well for people like me (biromantic asexual) its a nightmare. I fear for the people i love now. On top of that, my dad and my sister both look Mexican even though we're Filipino. Im afraid we'll still all be discriminated against for stupid reasons. I dont see why. My dads a former soldier and my stepmother is a social worker. Theyre not gonna find anything but its just the principle of the thing you know? I know people have it worse though and i hope for their safety since im not a religious person. I know there are bigger things going on in the world right now and i shouldn't be upset or complaining, but...but i just dont feel i can trust too many family members and my friends are few and far between. Sorry guys. If you took the time to read this i appreciate it immensely. Thanks -caddycrystalqueen (Its pronounced like katy in case anyone was wondering)
