I stopped caring about myself for a little while. Not in the sense that i stopped doing the basic self-TLC like grooming, and watching movies and so on... In the sense that i began to surround myself with people, who for me were becoming toxic. Their behaviour would let out warning signs which my spirit sensed as negative.. toxic... egotistic... passive aggressive. And yet, instead of distancing myself from that, i tried to convince myself that my interpretation must be off...I numbed that inner voice and the result was: bouts of panic, serious anxiety, constant regret and shame for not speaking up when i wanted to, and constantly holding back my opinion and saying YES, when all i wanted to do was say NO!
I’m truly thankful for waheguru, i’m thankful for him for creating situations in which i was able to escape unscathed... without having to have huge confrontations .. i’m thankful that he created situations in such a way that the truth became undeniable and i was able to learn the lesson so clearly that i would truly have to be an imbecile to forget and make those mistakes again. I’m not perfect, and for some people i am sure i have been that toxic figure from which they’ve had to escape, and i’m ashamed and regretful for that. But i have a determination to be better, and to surround myself with support, and love, and happiness and joy and truth and purity and innocence and light.
The people i’m thinking of when i write this aren't animals. If anything, they became my friends because once upon a time i thought i saw integrity, honesty and love in them. However i’m old enough to know that everyone has a limited amount of time to spend within your story, and when waheguru begins to show you reasons to let them off your journey, then you HAVE to obey.
These notions may not resinate with you if you're reading this, alternatively, this may just be the insight you’ve been waiting to read, either way, i’m feeling a weight lifting off of me as i’m writing this.
