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#FeeshieTV update: I had to refill Freya’s meds, and on the way home, there was an accident so traffic go rerouted by my old apartment. Since I was there, I thought I’d pop in @aquariumarts and see if Chris was there and what kind of plants/fish they had in. I got a hygro to grow above the water line (they are seriously very pretty and I was very happy to find some there). I wanted a couple save-for-baby-shrimp fish, and Chris directed me to Endlers, so I added a few of those to see how they’d do. (Were those what you had, @string.theory?) As I looked around the store, I noticed it really had changed a lot in the past few years. And I got to thinking about my own growth. That’s what grief does to me, I turn inward and start evaluating where I am and where I want to be. J really did help me survive my Depression. Now I’m breathing life into old hobbies that give me peace and happiness. And in those hobbies, there’s life. A lot of life. From the tiniest baby cherry shrimps to my horse floof of a Violet. I’m sad he’s missing the fruits of our work. Yet I’m glad for all the life he helped me build around me. I know I’ll get through this because of it. A part of me realized he was trying to give me someones to love and continue to live for when he was done and gone. You succeeded, honey. Thank you for that. Love you always. ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Ceroks8PHtY/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Apparently my depression has a tell, and that’s in my fish tanks. I.. really let #FeeshieTV/#FeeshieTVBasic go. You can click on the hashtags and check out how much time and effort I used to put into them. At some point, they stopped bringing me joy. I loved all my feesh. After the divorce, I thought I was going to sell the house, and sold off my 90 gallon (#FeeshieTVHD). I was going to give away the 20 gallon, but life got crazier still - for me and them. So it just sat there. Calcifying over, being kind of smelly, but still offering my calming “filter trickle” sound. Necro referred to it as the eyesore. And it was. But I still had one plant alive. The only anubia I ever successfully got to root on a log myself. That little leaf survived 5-6 YEARS of neglect. Untreated tap water. Half dead LED lights. Only death and decay in the tank aside from it. But… Today I got to breathe some new life into it. Completely new substrate. Cleaned, scraped, and scrubbed glass. The only things that went back in were my 2 logs. I added 3 clumps of java moss, 5 cherry shrimp, and seeds for aquatic plants. I’ve always loved aquascaping. I’ve also always loved clown loaches. Clown loaches love to do their own “gardening, and my plants definitely didn’t grow faster than my plecos could eat them. And it was all a LOT of work. I recently got re-inspired at my new workplace with the tiny water garden my boss picked up. I lamented never having cared for a moss and shrimp tank like I had always wanted to. So, with my first paycheck, she’s been revived. I’ll add more shrimp and plants later. Possibly some small tetras once my plant and shrimps colonies establish themselves. I’m looking forward to putting more work into it. And feeling a bit more like myself. Small wins. https://www.instagram.com/p/CcuQihuutkn/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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