8 "Facts" About Cats That Sound Hilariously True… But Aren’t (You F*cking Moron) 🐈
🛑Disclaimer: I f*cking love animals. Yes, including cats. Yes, I own pets. Yes, they run my house like tiny furry dictators. If this post hurt your feelings, congrats—you have the emotional durability of a soggy napkin. Your cat doesn’t give a f*ck about your outrage, and neither do I. That little bastard is licking its own a**hole while plotting your financial and emotional downfall. If you’re mad, go pet your cat and get over it. Or stay pressed. Either way, engagement is engagement. Laugh or leave. Either way, I win. 🚀
Look, I love cats as much as the next degenerate scrolling through the internet at 3 AM, but let’s get one thing fcking straight—**half the sht you believe about cats is either made up or straight-up feline propaganda.**
So, let’s break it down: Here are 8 "facts" about cats that sound true, but are actually complete and utter f*cking nonsense.
1️⃣ “Cats Love Their Owners”
No, they f*cking don’t. They tolerate you because you supply them with food and a warm place to sleep. If you died in your apartment, that little f*cker wouldn’t mourn—you’d be a half-eaten corpse before they even considered meowing for help.
2️⃣ “Cats Always Land on Their Feet”
Yeah? Tell that to the dumbass cat I saw slam into a f*cking glass door at full speed. Cats have reflexes, sure, but that doesn’t mean they won’t absolutely f*ck up their landing like a drunk gymnast.
3️⃣ “Cats Purr Because They’re Happy”
LIES. Absolute f*cking lies. Cats also purr when they’re stressed, injured, or plotting your demise. If your cat is purring while staring directly into your soul, congratulations—you’re the next human sacrifice in its nine-life ritual.
4️⃣ “Cats Hate Water”
Ever tried bathing a cat? Yeah, they fight like they’re possessed by Satan himself. But some breeds love water. There are cats that willingly jump into lakes like they’re training for the f*cking Navy SEALs. Your cat just hates YOU, not water.
5️⃣ “Cats Are Independent”
Bullsht. Cats are needy little fcks that scream at your door at 3 AM because they don’t like the existential horror of being alone. They act all mysterious and self-sufficient, but the second you close the bathroom door, suddenly, it’s the f*cking apocalypse.
6️⃣ “Black Cats Are Bad Luck”
First of all, that’s racist. Second, black cats aren’t bad luck—they’re just sleek little bastards that get blamed for sht humans are already fcking up. If your life is in shambles, don’t blame the cat, blame the fact that you’re an idiot.
7️⃣ “Cats Bring You Dead Animals as a Gift”
Btch, that’s not a gift—that’s a **fcking threat.** Your cat isn’t being generous, it’s teaching you how to hunt because it thinks you’re an incompetent, useless piece of sh*t who can’t fend for yourself.
8️⃣ “Cats Meow to Communicate With Humans”
Yeah, they do. Because they f*cking domesticated YOU, dumbass. Meowing isn’t even a real cat-to-cat communication—it’s a sound they invented to manipulate your stupid human brain into obeying their every f*cking whim.
🐱🔥 REBLOG if your cat has ever scammed you with its fake-ass love. 🔄
😼💬 COMMENT if your cat has personally made you reevaluate your entire f*cking life. 🐾 🚀🐈 FOLLOW for more truth bombs about your manipulative little f*cking fur overlords.