Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!hunter, Sam winchester X Fem!hunter
Rating: R (violence, death, language, light smut)
Summary: When Sam died the first time, Dean brought him back to life. He didn't tell me about the deal he made with that demon until Sam forced him to tell me. We all knew that Dean only had one year left to live, and we all tried to prevent that from happening. The second time Sam was attacked by a demon close to Lilith and fought against it. he lost.
One year after Sam’s mysterious death weird things are happening and I realize things are not as they seem.
Authors Note: this story takes place post season 3(with the exceptional flashbacks to the past), difference being Sam died and Dean never went to hell. we experience the story through the eyes a female hunter who went to Stanford with Sam and joined Sam and Dean in their revenge quest after jess’s death. she is Deans girlfriend but there are things happening with Sam as well.
Introduction
My name is Diana Beck. You can call me Dee. I am 26 years old and currently live in Springfield, Philadelphia.
Maybe I'm better known as Dean Winchester's girlfriend.
Dean and I have been dating for over a year, and we live together in a two story house.
I really love Dean. He's my best friend, the best lover I've ever had, and we were meant to be together or whatever other nonsense you want to call it.
And Dean loves me more than I love him.
It's a little scary, because since his brother's death, Dean just doesn't love.
But when the yellow-eyed demon intervened, everything fell apart. Sam abandoned Stanford, abandoned me, and went to seek revenge with his brother.
Sam's death was not the only death of a loved one I experienced in my short life. My hunter father died when I was 18, and I cut ties with my mother when I left home and went to college.
I met Sam four years ago, at Stanford University.
We were the best of friends, two weirdo hunters in an academy of normals. We recognized the signs in each other, and connected immediately.
We always had deep feelings for each other, both when he had Jessica and when I became Dean's girlfriend. But it was complicated.
Things got better when he found Jessica, he really felt like he was happy and found his place.
When Sam died the first time, Dean brought him back to life.
I didn't give up on him, I followed him on his journey, and that's actually how I got to know Dean. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with him. And Sam watched from the sidelines, grieving, lost, yearning for revenge for the death of his lover, the death of his future.
It took a while but he finally accepted that I was hunting with them, and eventually understood that Dean and I were together.
But it doesn't matter now.
December 15th will be the anniversary of his death.
He didn't tell me about the deal he made with that demon until Sam forced him to tell me. We all knew that Dean only had one year left to live, and we all tried to prevent that from happening.
The second time Sam was attacked by a demon close to Lilith and fought against it. he lost.
In the first few months, I had to stop Dean all too often from trying to bring Sam back to life. He would run away from my watch, trying to make deals with demons, summoning witches, performing dark spells and what not. I knew that if he succeeded, it meant that he himself would die.
I looked after him twenty-four hours a day, we fought, shouted and cried, until he realized he had to give up.
Dean has lost everything he has. One after the other, and it just kept getting worse.
Even if I could, I would never want to fathom the amount of pain that Dean went through in his life. And what's more, I'll never be able to understand how he just got back on his feet and went on living. I think it was, mainly, thanks to his brother.
Sam's death, that was what broke him.
Dean cried. Oh yes, tough, strong, not emotional Dean cried, for days and weeks.
This was not the Dean that everyone knew, and they were afraid - no one knows how to comfort the inconsolable.
So they all just disappeared. Everyone except me.
I was the one who stood next to him at the funeral, following with my gaze at the tears that flowed from his gorgeous green eyes. He refused to burn Sam’s body so we buried him a beautiful green field next to Bobby’s house.
I was the one sleeping next to him in bed in the days that followed.
I remember that sometimes Dean would get up and go to the kitchen so that I wouldn't wake up as he tried to drink himself to death.
And when I woke up, I would follow him down the stairs after a few minutes, and he would soak my shoulders with tears and unnecessary questions of "what if?"
I just ran my fingers through his hair and kept quiet.
And then the nightmares began. A lot of nightmares. He would moan and call Sam's name every night, along with mumbling apologies and self-loathing. I never told him that. I didn't think it was necessary.
I would just cling to him long enough for him to wake up with heavy breathing. After a few seconds he would tighten his arms around me, and I would listen to the rapid rhythm of his heartbeat until he calmed down again and fell asleep.
Things have changed now. Dean no longer has nightmares, and he doesn't cry.
He didn't cry when Jo died, he didn't cry when Bella was dragged to Hell, where he was supposed to be.
He was too busy finding the same demon that killed Sam and killing it himself. He is still busy with it.
Dean also stopped loving. He stopped trusting people but himself. He shut himself up and only himself.
Like old Dean, only worse.
Chapter 1
That's why the fact that he loves me so much is a little scary.
I guess he's just afraid of losing me too.
It's 8:30 in the morning and Dean is driving me to work in his black Impala.
My part-time job, what I do besides hunting demons and spirits is taking and editing photos for the local newspaper. I'm pretty good at it, to be honest.
"Hey, Dee," Dean said as he drove.
"Yes?" I answered, flipping through the photos of the soccer player I took yesterday.
"Are you going to work late tonight?" He asked.
"No." I replied curtly and added, "Why?"
Dean didn't answer. The truth is I know exactly why. Today is the 14th of December.
“I'll be home by five thirty." I added softly as Dean parked the car. I leaned close to him and kissed him a little longer than the usual ‘bye’ kiss, just to show him I was here. I knew he would understand. That's what I love about us - we have our own ways of understanding each other. without words.
"Bye, baby." He said quietly and I got out of the car towards the building where my office is. My office was on the third floor out of seven, and it was small but comfortable. The walls were painted light purple and there was a picture of me, Dean and Sam on the desk, drinking beers and smiling. Happier days. I placed my things on the table and sat in my chair. Today I have to edit the photos I took yesterday.
I hardly had time to turn on the computer and the door was already opened.
"Good morning," said Ben. Ben is my co-worker, and a good friend of mine.
"Morning." I replied.
Ben leaned forward on my desk. "What do we have today?" he asked with a smile. I never understood how he could be happy in the morning.
"Some pictures of the soccer player, what's his name. And editing." I sighed. I didn't have much patience for work today. I wondered how Dean was.
"Great. Coffee?" He handed me a cup of coffee in addition to the one he had in his hand.
"Thanks, Ben." I smiled at him gratefully and took the cup, sipping it slowly. 2 coffee, half sugar. Just the way I like it. I took my camera and took a picture of Ben sipping his coffee, without him noticing. I like to take pictures like this - secret, completely random; of the people I love.
"So what are your plans for the weekend?" Ben asked with a mischievous grin, as if he had something to offer up his sleeve.
"Nothing." I answered. "And I'm not going to plan anything either." I said, canceling his offer before he even offered it.
His face fell a little flat and he raised his eyebrow. "Why?"
I took another sip of the coffee. "Tomorrow is the anniversary of Sam's death." I answered slowly.
"And that means that...?"
"That means me and Dean are going to sit at home all day and drink our feelings away."
"Charming."
"Yes."I didn't show my feelings surrounding Sam's death to Ben. Although my heart almost threatened to explode with grief. I just don't like showing emotions very much. But some people just read me. People like Ben, Dean, and Sam.Dean reads me best. Sam was right after him on the list. I glanced over to watch a frozen-in-time Sam smiling at me from the framed photo. I felt my eyes water and I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lump at my throat. Ben leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. It was a good, comforting feeling. I smiled a little.
"So, what are your plans? Another wild dance party until morning?" I asked.
Ben shook his head. "No. Drake is a douchebag. He wants to stay at the office for the weekend. That's why I wanted you to come with me."
Ben is gay. a complete loss for women kind. Raven black hair, blue eyes and a body to die for. One sweet dimple on his left cheek. eye candy.
"Ow," I chuckled. "Looks like the party animal is going to stay home and watch gay porn all night."
"Ha-ha."
_
I opened the door to mine and Dean's house at a quarter to seven. Dean was on the couch, watching TV and eating pizza. I smiled.
"Thanks for waiting for my dinner, honey." I said sarcastically.
"Yeah, thanks for being late." He called out to me.
I walked towards the couch and sat next to him. He was watching some kind of drama series about a hospital. typical.
"Sorry Babe. I was hungry." He added softly. When I could clearly see his face, I noticed a large, swollen bruise under his left eye and another small wound under his lip. I wasn’t surprised. This happened often.
"Who did we fight today?" I asked.
"She was a ghost," he said, spitting out food as he did so. "A teen girl."
I laughed. "A little girl beat you up."
"She was 15!" He defended himself. "And she was taller than you."
I rested my head on his shoulder. He got the hint and raised his hand so I could lean on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me in a warm hug. I took a pizza slice from the two he left for me from the entire tray. He ate everything else.
"How do you manage to eat so much and stay so fit? You don't even go to the gym. Tell me the secret."
"It’s the constant fear and near death experiences, keeps me young.” we both laughed, light hearted but with a slight weird edge to it. “You don't need to lose weight. You're so hot the way you are." he said, running his fingers through my hair."
You meant to say 'beautiful'."
"Obviously."
We stayed like that in front of the TV for quite some time, talking about nothing. We didn't talk about Sam. We postponed it as much as possible. I gave up and went to bed before Dean. He said he would come soon. I lay on my back with my eyes open towards the ceiling. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until Dean came. Usually this wasn't a big problem. Tonight is yes.
I stayed like that for a while until Dean came in, drops of water dripping from his hair.He climbed onto his side of the bed and I turned to him, the white of his eyes standing out in the darkness. I saw everything in them, and I didn't like what I saw.
"Don't let it take you away again, Dean." I said in a whisper, touching his face lightly. He closed his eyes.
"I won't," he replied. It could not be put off any longer. "Even if I did, you'd be here to slap me in the face and tell me to pull myself together, wouldn't you?" He smiled but it was not a pleasant smile.
I remembered Sam's smile. He had a wonderful smile, the kind of smiles that light you up from the inside and melt you completely. That smile died along with Sam. I missed him so much. I nodded and leaned forward a little, kissing Dean’s soft lips. I could feel the wound on the side of his lip.
"Good night, Dee." he whispered.
"Good night." I replied, and we both fell asleep in this position, only a breath away from each other.
That night Dean called Sam's name in his sleep again.
-
(...I left my third film class and walked slowly down the Stanford halls, heading out onto the lawn.
It was my first week at university, my first attempt at living a normal life. I wasn't going to give up the hunting life, but I really liked taking pictures, and I wanted to feel what it was like to live like everyone else, and not like a freak of nature.
Although most of the time I felt out of place and stressed, I hoped it would get better.
I sat down on the grass and skimmed over the notes I had written in class, but I was in no mood for learning anymore.
I took my camera out of my bag and observed my surroundings. I took casual pictures; A student reading a book, girls who chattered and laughed, a bird looking for food crumbs in the grass.
I looked back at the student I had photographed. He was sitting a few feet away from me on the lawn reading a law textbook.
For some reason he seemed interesting to me. He had bright turquoise eyes and slightly messy brown hair. He seems disconnected from the environment, but it is evident that he feels comfortable where he is.
Suddenly he looked up and looked at me, as if he felt that I was staring at him. I looked away almost immediately; I didn't want to look weird already in my first week.
After a few seconds I looked at him again, just to make sure he wasn't too weirded-out. He was already back reading the book, smiling to himself as he did.
He had that smile. Really bright, like it could light up a room. If there is something I liked about people, especially men, it was their smiles.
I smiled to myself and went back to reviewing my notes, not really concentrating on them anymore.)
