#femmphobia

[silmarildust]

the asari are perfect and if you dont think so then fuck off my blog

[threestepsintotherealm]

Reasons I Miss My Hair

aka This is why I don't date in this city

aka This is why I need feminism

So almost a month ago I went all choppa choppa to my 12+ inches of hair down to a velco length. It was damaged and I want to regrow it in my natural color. This is all fine and good. Yeah, I'm sad that my hair is gone but it was a necessary sacrifice.

Now I'm also a partaker in the inherently evil gay "dating" phone app known as Grindr. Now before I didn't get tons of messages but I met some nice folk, made some friends, went on the odd date. pretty typical experience. As soon as I updated my picture on there, my message box exploded. (This also is the same story for all my account, pof, scruff, okcupid, etc. I don't know why I'm on all these sites but alas) 

So yeah, I'm getting 3-4 times the amount of messages I got before, largely by the jock and discreet communities. Guys I'd normally never talk to. Guys I tried saying hi to before and got no answer or occasionally a "Sorry, not into long hair" from a simple greeting. Because people on the street always do that. >.>

And now a lot of these messages sound like a broken record. The majority start with a "Hi handsome/stud" while it also ranged to "Your shaved head looks so good" and "I'm glad you cut your hair, you look so much better now" to the rare "You're so manly lookin' bro"

And it pisses me off. Yeah, this sounds really shallow of privileged of me, but being called handsome all the time is making me mad. Why? Because in their eyes, I now fit into their box of masculinity. I changed my appearance and I became safe for them. I don't look as gay, I don't look as fem, and I "look like a guy". 

News for you. I looked like a guy before, because I am a guy. I was no less a man because my hair was long. And cutting my hair short does not make me more a man than I was before.

Because no man or woman or anything in between should be defined by what society expects us to be. A man is no more a man for spending 5 days a week at the gym and growing a beard than the man who paints his toes and watches rom coms. A woman is no less a woman for taking up kickboxing and having a messy house. We are all humans and we are all individuals. No two of us are alike, so why should society dictate what mold we're supposed to fit in. 

And this is why I miss my hair the most. It would weed out the homophobic gays who are afraid of the things that are different from societies normal. I got to meet interesting people who think outside of the rose-tinted glasses of the media, who would accept me for who I am and what I like, and not because I looked like every other "hot" guy out there. Besides, my face hasn't changed. Why would I look more handsome now that I did then?

[thedietcokedude]

Sometimes, I feel like I'm letting down my gender.

I think it is fucking amazing that there is all of this support for women in STEM jobs and sports. It just kind of sucks to be a girl that doesn't like these things. I'm terrible at math. Honestly, I look at numbers and my brain is just like"fuck this, I'm out, you're on your own bitch". I feel like I'm letting people down by not wanting to take a higher level math class, and taking mostly humanities classes instead. Its the same deal with sports. my parents put me in tball as a kid, and lets just say it didn't pair well with ADHD (and, when i see a ball flying at my face, the instinct is to run or hit it away, not catch it). sports were embarrassing because, I suck at them. Hard. I embarrass myself in gym class contact with my lack of throwing and catching ability. I'm sitting here thinking "women fought for generations for title IX and I can't catch a fucking kickball". It's hard to feel like a strong empowered woman when the things you do, like and feel competent at are constantly torn down as things society forces girls into. This year, I've had the misfortune to have a very old, sexist gym teacher. I feel fucking awful that I'm helping to perpetuate his out of date, stupid idea that girls can't be good at sports. If I have a daughter some day, if she wants Legos or dump trucks, that's what she will get. But if she wants a pink princess costume, she can have that too. Women should not be bound to a single ideal of empowerment. My little girl wont br forced to conform to the ideals of femininity or masculinity set forth by society. If she wants to put her baby doll in the back of a tonka truck while wearing a princess dress and Thomas the Tank Engine sneakers, that is what she will do. I don't want my daughter to grow up feeling like she is letting down generations of feminist fighters because she is a terrible driver who sucks at sports and hates math with every fiber of her being like I have. I have decided that I will be a strong woman in my own way. I might be quiet and rather, shy, but I will not take shit from anyone. I might drive over the curb from time to time (sorry), but it's not because I'm a woman, it's just because I'm not that great of a driver and I fucking own that.