Hopefully back for good
Hey everyone, you might not recognize me but it's actually @bigbluebeast talking here. I wanted to start anew here since I've been so so inactive over on my old main account, plus alot about me has changed so I feel a new account is necessary.
As seen by my username I go by FerelBasta now, I still have the name That Blue Otter here since they're one of my sonas/selves, my otter self ( Beast) and my Daeodon self ( Ferel ), there is a third self but thats more personal. I also now identify as non-binary and asexual and go by they/them and he/him, just these make me feel alot better in my own skin. I've also have been searching within regarding my religious beliefs, but I won't get into too much of that until I decide to talk more on it, basically alot about myself has changed regarding how I was on this website may years ago...
I want to apologize first off to being so inactive... everywhere really. My personal life has not been the best due to certain things going on that really prevented me from sitting down and just getting some art done how I used to do back then, mainly starting in 2016... I've been over this countless times it feels but a rather drastic event happened over on twitter that caused my derailing from creating any artwork, I became very nervous and scared to really post much of anything thanks to what happened and looking back all these years nothing has changed. My depression and the events had caused me to shy away from creating and just watch from afar, I knew I was always bad with starting and then just stopping, but things were taken to a new extreme now. The past four years especially didn't help anything regarding my healing due to finding a job where I was harassed and then... something awful happening between me and a family member near the end of 2020, which did lead to my discovery of me being non-binary but.. I still wish things went better... I ended up finding a different job in the middle of 2019 but ever since the pandemic hit I wasn't able to function at that job anymore.. plus even more harassment from co-workers doesn't help either. Though despite all this.. it soon seemed like something was going to change.
Near the end of February of 2021 I was talking with a good friend of mine over the phone, she and I have known eachother ever since we met on twitter in 2016, and in 2019 we started to talk again after two years of silence from both ends. I remember it was that very evening she admitted she felt in love with me.. and honestly I felt the very same way with her <3 I had started to feel some sort of adoration for her after we started talking on the phone, just hearing her voice and bonding with her made me feel things I never really felt before, sure I had puppy love crushes on some friends before but that was because I'm a rather cuddly and affectionate person to begin with, but this time? hearing she felt the same way just set things in stone.. I had found love. She then came to visit in March of that same year and we've been inseparable ever since, yes we do have our moments but what couple doesn't have them? We've been growing stronger and closer as time went on and I feel thanks to her I felt like life was worth living.. like there are things to look forward to and do.. just having someone like her with me makes me feel so happy and thankful to be alive.
I believe in late 2021 I returned here with a new blog relating to help myself cope with things going on in my life and just with life in general, but due to certain things happening I have again fell off the horse for maintaining said blog. I won't get into too much because it's very personal but I'll just say that I was struggling with where I stood regarding certain things around it. I have since settled and stood my ground on where I am with it all and I'm feeling alot better about it, the same could also be said about my religious beliefs, I grew up christian but I never ever identified with being one due to... well... more personal things but I recently discovered a religion that I felt like I belonged in, Kemeticism. I'll save most of the info for its own post but to just make it brief, I have always loved the culture and history of ancient Egypt ever since I was a very young kid, and I had a awakening of some sorts after coming to terms when a game I play had a Egyptian themed event going on, now it really feels like I found where I truly belong...
We now come to when I'm writing this entry, the start of my new dA account and some tumblr as well! I just last night fixed what was going on with my tablet because it wasn't working properly which prevented me from making any new art, that and I lot access to photoshop CS5 due to my laptop needing to be updated and... the program was outdated for the OS... ofc... BUT! I still have Clip Studio Paint so until I get another art program to do the coloring and touch ups in, thats what I will be working with. I will also be posting my traditional sketches here and tumblr just so I have stuff to offer to everyone, this will be a rough journey of relearning how to not be afraid and just get to making things that make me happy, but it seems like I'm on the right path
Thats all I have to say for now, but until next time, I hope to see everyone again soon,
Thank you for reading <3