Month 20 - Leaffall
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Barleybee had been right. Floodstrike didn’t feel any better.
He had watched the light drain from Sardine’s eyes and the only thing he felt was cheated. Maybe if he had been able to sink his teeth into that monster’s neck, tasted his blood and felt his throat collapse between his jaws, he might have been satisfied but the kittypet had practically hung himself and Floodstrike still felt hollow and rotten inside.
He’d gone with the others to the Cornerstones, knowing that alone was the last thing he needed to be right now, but that hadn’t helped much either. Fernspeckle had run off to fetch prey for everyone and Boldmoth and Fishtrick had gone back to their camp with Stormwhisper. He had no idea where Barleybee and Sparrowsway were. Despite being in a crowd of people he was entirely by himself. It was awful.
He was just about ready to call it quits and go home for the night when Fogpaw appeared beside him, a big bloody smile on her face.
“Floodstrike!” she purred. “I was looking for you!”
“You were?” he asked, one brow rising above the other.
“Yeah,” she nodded, settling down next to him. “Scorchplume said I had to go hang out with people my age and you’re the only cat here that I know.”
“I’m like six moons older than you,” he laughed. “I remember when you were born.”
Fogpaw rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, Slatepaw isn’t here and the EarthClan apprentices think I’m weird. Besides, we’re close enough. I like hanging out with you.”
That managed to cheer Floodstrike up just a bit. “Yeah, I like hanging out with you too.”
Fogpaw beamed. She ran her tongue over one bloodstained paw and started trying to groom the rest of the blood from her fur which was difficult, given how white it was.
Floodstrike chuckled and started grooming his own pelt. “How are you doing? Like, with the battle and everything.”
“I’m okay,” she said and seemed to mean it. “I’m really glad Scorchplume let me come help. It was kind of scary but also really exciting, you know?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, remembering the battle where Ospreymask had killed a cat right in front of him. How young and naive he was back then. “It can be a lot to get used to but you’ll get the hang of it.”
“Do you think I’ll get my warrior name for it?” asked Fogpaw.
“I don’t think so,” he snorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re probably gonna stay an apprentice forever.”
“I’m serious!” she laughed. “I wanna be a warrior so bad!”
“You’ll get there eventually,” he said, cuffing her ear lightly. “Just be patient.”
“Floodstrike!” the call made him sit up straighter. Fishtrick came out of the crowd, her own white fur stained with blood and dusted with bits of straw.
“Fishtrick!” he grinned and jumped to his feet. “How’s Boldmoth?”
“Her leg is broken,” said Fishtrick with a wince. “Stormwhisper says we probably won’t have to amputate it but it's probably gonna heal crooked.”
“Damn,” he pursed his lips, ears wilting. “I’m so sorry. I was right there, I should have grabbed her.”
“You saved Erminepaw, didn’t you?” Fishtrick twitched her ear. “You can’t be everywhere at once.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed.
Fogpaw inserted herself into their conversation. “If you want, I can give you a charm to help her leg heal properly!” Floodstrike tried not to wince.
Fishtrick looked Fogpaw up and down with a scathing quirk of her brow and said, “A charm?”
“Yeah, like an item with a spell in it!” Fogpaw continued, seemingly unaware of the warrior’s disdain. “It’ll help the bones grow straight!” Fishtrick glanced at Floodstrike with a tiny laugh through her nose.
“She’s just goofing around,” he covered for Fogpaw, wrapping an arm around her neck and giving the top of her head a ruffle with his nose. “Always telling jokes about spells and stuff.”
“No, I’m not,” Fogpaw frowned, throwing his lifeline away. “I’m serious, it’ll help.” Floodstrike wanted to scream.
“I think I’m good,” said Fishtrick in a way that made Floodstrike's skin crawl with embarrassment. She smiled at him with a look that said ‘can you believe this?’ and he laughed instinctively.
Fogpaw frowned and looked between them with an earnest, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Uh, why don’t you go see what Branchbark is up to?”
“But I thought we were gonna hang out,” she said, ears falling backward.
Floodstrike was acutely aware of Fishtrick’s eyes on him as he replied. “Yeah, well, now I wanna hang out with Fishtrick. I’ll hang out with you later.” Even as he said it he felt guilt wriggling in his stomach and Fogpaw’s pained frown only made it worse.
“Okay, fine,” she said, stepping backwards out of his embrace. “I didn’t wanna hang out with you anyway.” Floodstrike had to clench his jaw to stop himself from apologizing right then and there. Fogpaw turned away and stormed off into the crowd, hunched low, tail twitching. Once she was out of earshot, Fishtrick laughed.
“Wow, some cats just can’t take a hint,” she said and the guilt in Floodstrike’s stomach writhed.
“Yeah,” he swallowed. “I guess.” He would have to apologize to Fogpaw later.
Fishtrick was already moving on. “Did you hear the kittypets are bringing catmint?”
“No,” he said, frowning in confusion. “What for?”
“For fun,” she said. “Like, just to roll around in.”
“Woah, no way.” He couldn’t believe it. His dad had always been so precious with the stuff. The idea of using it so casually was alien to him.
A sudden cheer went up from the southern edge of the crowd and they both turned their attention towards the sound.
“That must be them,” Fishtrick sat up taller, grinning. “Come on, let’s go get some!”
“Okay,” Floodstrike said. He still felt hollow aside from the guilt in his belly but he was willing to try and have some fun. Sticking close to Fishtrick’s tail, he followed her through the gathered cats, weaving through the gaps wherever they could until they hit the thick wall of bodies at the front of the crowd. They could smell the heady smell of the catmint now and the kittypets who had brought it.
The cats closest to them were eagerly waiting for a chance to move forward but, with his height, Floodstrike could see cats peeling away around the edges of the crowd like water parting around a stone. Their eyes were all blown wide and their energy was higher, more unruly. Excitement started to build in the hollow space within him.
A cat at the front of the crowd caught his eye and he said, “No way, is that my dad?”
“Where?” Fishtrick reared up on her hind quarters to follow his gaze.
“There,” he said, leaning in to point with his nose. “It totally is!” There was Oddstripe, laughing with a face covered in catmint particles. Aldertail was leaning heavily on him as they made their way deeper into the clearing.
“Damn!” laughed Fishtrick, dropping back onto her paws. “Get it, Floodstrike’s dad!” He laughed at her phrasing and shoved her with his shoulder.
“Don’t be weird,” he said, “He’s still a healer.”
“So?” she flicked her tail in his face. “Everyone knows Stormwhisper broke the code with somebody, what’s stopping your dad? It’s not like he’s never fooled around before.” She jerked her nose at him as if to say ‘you’re proof of that.’
Floodstrike grimaced. “Do not make me think about that.”
“About what?” she smirked, “about your dad getting all hot and heavy with some handsome stranger?”
“Stop!” he nearly gagged, “What is wrong with you?” She laughed heartily and he couldn’t help but join in.
“I’m just teasing, Floodstrike, loosen up! You’re too easy!”
“Yeah, yeah.”
By now they had reached the front of the group and the smell of catmint nearly burned his nose. There were several kittypets, each with their own little pile of it, making sure that everyone got a good roll but didn’t take more than their share. Floodstrike recognized Wes and Schmidt among them but the rest were all strangers. He and Fishtrick shuffled towards a kittypet with a similar pattern to Fishtrick’s -- all white with a rich, chocolate tail -- a flat nose, and a cobby build.
She waved them forward with a wide grin and said, “You two look like hell!” Floodstrike didn’t know what ‘hell’ was but he glanced down at himself regardless, suddenly reminded of all the blood in his fur.
“The curse of a white pelt,” Fishtrick laughed.
“Wish I’d been there!” the kittypet sighed wistfully. “I’m Binx, by the way.”
“Cool,” Fishtrick said in the same voice she had used with Fogpaw. “Can we get some catmint now or…?”
“Oh! Right!” Binx shook her head with a bashful laugh and swept a paw invitingly over the buds spilled out before her. “Help yourself!” Fishtrick glanced back at Floodstrike before flopping onto her side to roll in the herbs indulgently.
Floodstrike felt awkward just staring at her so he met Binx’s eyes again. “You fight much, Binx?”
“Nah,” she shook her head. “I want to though. I think it’s so cool that you wild cats let girls fight just like boys.”
“City cats don’t?” he asked with a frown. He went over the battles he had seen in his mind, thinking, surely that can’t be true, and realized with a sudden shock that he hadn’t fought a single female kittypet since they ambushed the hunting encampment.
“Not really,” Binx shook her head. “You’ve really got to prove you’re tough for anybody to respect you as a fighter if you’re a girl.”
“Weird…” Floodstrike’s gaze fogged distantly only for Fishtrick to startle him out of his thoughts with a playful swat to the face.
“Floodstrike, you’ve gotta try this!” she said, her pupils big and round.
“Okay, okay,” he laughed, giving her a shove and she batted at him until he surrendered and dropped into the catmint. The smell was intoxicating and he quickly lost himself to the simple pleasure of rolling back and forth in the little pile. When he finally remembered himself and sat up, he shook his head sharply.
“Woo!” he cried, a laugh burbling in his chest.
“What did I tell you!” Fishtrick grinned. “Come on, I bet you can’t catch me.”
“Oh, yeah?” he smirked, dropping into a crouch in preparation.
“Yeah.” She dashed around the edge of the crowd, heading for the Cornerstones themselves and he tore after her, laughing.
Over his shoulder, he distantly registered Binx calling, “O-okay, bye!”
He wasn’t concerned about that for long though. He felt intensely alive, like he could run to the city and back without stopping, like he could catch a hundred mice or jump the river in a single bound. Fishtrick seemed to feel the same and she led him all the way up the Cornerstones to the top of the leaders’ perch. He pounced for her tail as they reached the summit, giddy and out of breath, and she sprang back at him, knocking them both off the back side of the structure.
“Woah!” he cried, twisting to land on his feet and she landed right behind him.
“Fox-dung!” she hissed under her breath, “I think I twisted my paw.”
“Oh, yikes,” he grimaced and leaned in to sniff at the ankle she held tenderly by her chest. “You need to go home?”
“No, it’s fine,” she shook her head. “It's fine. Let’s just take it easy for a bit.”
“Alright,” he nodded, “fine by me.”
Another cheer came from the crowd on the other side of the Cornerstones and Snowstar’s voice barely carried above the din. “Eat your fill! Tonight it’s all on SkyClan!” The crowd cheered again, louder this time.
“That must be Fernspeckle with the prey!” Floodstrike said.
“Oh, I’m starving,” moaned Fishtrick. “Let’s go get some.” He nodded and they made their way back to the throng which was now clustered tightly around a cluster of SkyClan cats. Eventually, they bumped into Fernspeckle who had a patch of cobwebs over his eye and a heavy perch in his mouth.
“There you guys are!” he grinned, “I was just coming to find you!”
“Give me that!” Fishtrick purred hungrily and snatched the fish’s tail in her teeth, shaking her head and swatting at his face to make him let go. Floodstrike laughed and flopped sideways against her, too overcome with enjoyment to stay upright.
Fernspeckle dropped the fish with a mildly concerned smile. “Woah, what’s gotten into you two?”
“Catmint!” Floodstrike grinned, licking the dust of it from his whiskers. “You should try some.” Fishtrick pulled the perch close to her chest and started greedily picking its flesh from its bones, unconcerned with the mass of cats shifting around her.
“What,” Fernspeckle laughed, “you guys steal some from Stormwhisper while Boldmoth was getting patched up or something?”
“No,” Floodstrike shook his head, “the kittypets brought a ton for everyone!”
“Really?” Fernspeckle’s jaw hung open in surprise.
“Yes,” Fishtrick said after gulping down her mouthful of food. “Southern side. Go get some.”
“Fox-dung, okay,” Fernspeckle said, backing up towards the southern side. “Save some of that fish for me!”
“No promises!” Fishtrick shouted after him and Floodstrike snorted with laughter, dropping down to have a few bites of his own.
It wasn’t long before Fernspeckle returned and the three of them started reducing the perch to bones in earnest. Floodstrike had never laughed so much in his life or felt more like he belonged than he did in that moment. He wished that Boldmoth could have joined them but knew that navigating the crowd would likely have been a nightmare for her broken leg.
He was about to suggest they go visit her when a new voice called his name over the noise of the crowd.
Gaping, he turned and said, “Luna.” There she was, trying to smile at him despite her obvious nerves. She held one paw close to her chest, glancing this way and that whenever a cat bumped against her or spoke too loudly. Floodstrike blinked a few times, trying to make sure he wasn’t imagining her.
“Who?” Fishtrick yelled, trying to hear him over a group that had started singing nearby.
“Uh,” that galvanized him into action, “guys, this is Luna!” He hopped up and moved to bump his forehead against hers in greeting. Luna smiled and pressed herself against his side so tightly he could feel her heart thumping madly against his ribs.
“There’s so many cats here,” she said, barely audible above the noise.
“What are you doing here?” he asked at an appropriate volume as he guided her back over to sit with him and his friends.
Luna cleared her throat and stood up taller as if she had to in order to raise her voice. “I wanted to see you!”
“Oo-ooh!” Fishtrick taunted and Fernspeckle joined in.
“Shut up,” he laughed, smacking Fernspeckle hard in the face. He rolled away from the strike and swatted lazily back at Floodstrike.
“Wow,” Luna breathed, “you wild cats are so rowdy!”
“You kittypets are boring,” Fishtrick snapped back and Luna’s silky soft fur fluffed up around her.
“Luna,” Floodstrike said, hoping to move past that, “this is my friend Fishtrick. That idiot there is Fernspeckle.”
“Who you calling an idiot?” Fernspeckle frowned jokingly.
“You, moron!” Fishtrick rolled her eyes and swatted at him. Floodstrike laughed, settling down onto his side.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Luna said politely, still struggling to raise her voice.
“How did you two meet?” asked Fernspeckle.
“She was there when we went to find Songdust,” said Floodstrike as he laid his tail gently against hers. Luna blushed and preened under the touch, sinking down to lay against his side. He purred, struck with how amazing it felt in that moment. He even leaned over to rub his head against hers.
“Wow,” Fishtrick grinned impishly, “you RisingClanners sure love your kittypets, huh?”
“Do not,” Floodstrike blurted immediately, then, remembering Luna, added, “I mean- I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Fernspeckle laughed outright.
Grinning smugly, Fishtrick sing-songed, “Floodstrike and Luna down by the river, give ‘em two moons and she will deliver!”
“What are you saying,” Floodstrike blustered, ears pressed back against his head. Was that a common song in EarthClan or was she just loopy on catmint?
“You know what I’m saying,” she said, leaning in with a snarky wobble of her head. “First Russetfrond, now you. Stars, Goldenstar’s got her own kittypet too, doesn’t she?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Floodstrike dismissed her with an annoyed flick of his ear.
“Isn’t that weirdo, Fogpaw, half-kittypet too?” she pressed. Floodstrike’s stomach dropped into a pit of guilt again.
“No, just half-city cat,” Fernspeckle said, squinting as if he was thinking very hard. “They’re not all kittypets.”
“Guys, stop being horseflies,” Floodstrike said, wanting to squirm. “We’re just friends.”
“Oh,” said Luna, sounding like she was trying to sound unconcerned. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re just friends.”
That caught Floodstrike off guard. “Oh, are we- Did you not-” He searched her face, suddenly worried he had been a jerk and she waved him off with a paw, blushing shyly.
“Oh, no, no, it’s- it’s fine I just thought, since we were having kits together, you know-”
“We’re what?” Floodstrike gaped as his friends hollered wildly at his expense.
“Yo!” Fernspeckle bellowed, holding back laughter.
Fishtrick cackled and rolled onto her back, pointing a vindicated paw at Floodstrike. “What did I tell you! They’re crazy for kittypets out there!”
Floodstrike tried to tune them out as he asked Luna, “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Yeah, of course,” she nodded and they both stood.
“I’ll be right back,” he said distractedly to his friends, wrapping his tail over Luna’s back to guide her away.
“Don’t take too long!” Fishtrick jeered.
“Or do!” snorted Fernspeckle. Floodstrike ducked his head, cheeks burning, and shoved his way through the crowd until they broke out into the chilly woods.
Luna spoke first. “Oh, Floodstrike, I’m so sorry! That wasn’t how I wanted to tell you, I- I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much!”
“It’s- It’s fine,” he said, trying to force his racing mind to focus on her face. “But, wait, are you serious?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, pursing her lips against the smile spreading across her face. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
That hadn’t exactly been his first thought. “I- yeah, I guess so- I just- I feel like-” Like she was springing this on him? Like they had both understood that they were just friends? With a sinking feeling, he realized that he had never had that talk about expectations with her like Goldenstar had suggested. “I didn’t realize you felt that way about me.”
“You didn’t?” blinked Luna. “I thought I was being pretty obvious.” She pouted and dragged her paw through the pine needles on the ground despondently.
“Well- I mean,” Floodstrike blushed and smoothed his chest fur down with his tongue, “I knew you wanted to have sex with me, I just didn’t realize you wanted more than that.”
“Well, of course I do!” Luna looked hurt. “That’s what sex is for, isn’t it? Having kits?”
He puffed up at her tone, extremely confused. “I thought the twolegs- err, your Folk took them away! It’s not like we’re going to raise them together.”
“It’s still a big commitment!” she said, eyes big and round and glistening with the start of tears. “You made me a woman, you’re supposed to take care of me now!”
“I what?!” He couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the statement.
“I thought you were honorable,” she sniffled. “I didn’t think you were some- some ruffian who would use me up and leave me behind!” She was starting to cry now, her expression crumpling with despair and he stepped in to rub his head against hers despite his confusion.
“Hey,” he said, “I’m not trying to abandon you or anything, I’m just confused, okay?” She pressed her head firmly against his, seeming to take comfort in his touch which was a relief.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” she sniffled wetly.
“It’s alright,” he sighed. After another moment he sat back and said, “I’m gonna go grab Goldenstar real quick, okay?”
“Goldenstar?” she sniffed hard to pull a bead of snot back up into her nose. “Wh-why?” She fluffed up again, looking suddenly very worried and he shook his head to reassure her.
“No, it's okay, we’re not in trouble or anything, she’s just really good at this kind of stuff -- talking about it I mean -- and I think she’ll be able to help us like… actually communicate, y’know?”
“Okay…” Luna nodded slowly. She was definitely unsure but Floodstrike was certain that bringing Goldenstar in on the conversation would make everything so much easier.
“Just stay right here, I’ll be back in a flash.” He gave her one more firm press of his head and then bounded back towards the crowd to try and find Goldenstar. It took a bit of time, some asking around, but he eventually found her lounging near the area where the catmint had been given out with Scorchplume, Yarrowshade, and a pair of kittypets, including Wes. The other was a chocolate tortoiseshell who seemed to have fallen asleep.
Goldenstar was purring loudly against Scorchplume’s side as Floodstrike approached, Yarrowshade flopped against hers. He almost felt bad interrupting them but he knew he needed her help right now.
“Uh, Goldenstar?” he asked, hovering closeby. “Can I borrow you for a little bit?”
Goldenstar paused her purring to sit up and stare at him. It took a long beat before she managed to speak. “Oh, Floodstrike. Sure, what’s up?” She stood, dislodging Yarrowshade who moaned in protest, reaching out for her with his forepaws.
“It’s Luna,” he said, “she came to see me and I, uh, need your help talking to her.”
“Luna?” Wes’s ears perked, his expression suddenly focused. “Is somethin’ wrong?”
“Um, it’s complicated,” he said, shuffling his paws. “It’s about the stuff we were talking about earlier?” He winced at Goldenstar, hoping she got the message.
She seemed to, understanding dawning in her massive pupils. “Oh. Alright, sure. I’ll be back in a bit, guys.”
“Aww, okay,” Yarrowshade pouted, scooting to snuggle up against Scorchplume instead.
“You big baby,” Scorchplume shoved half-heartedly at his face.
“I’m comin’ too,” Wes said, rising to his feet. “I need to make sure Miss Luna is okay.”
“Okay,” Floodstrike said, his mouth suddenly very dry. “She’s just out behind the cornerstones right now.” Wes started off towards the forest immediately and Floodstrike glanced at Goldenstar worriedly before hurrying after.
When they arrived, Luna flushed with embarrassment. “Wes! What are you doing here?”
“I heard you were here,” he said, moving to sniff at her. “Is everythin’ alright?”
“It’s fine,” she said, clearly still a bit upset from earlier.
“What did you need my help with?” Goldenstar asked Floodstrike, blinking sluggishly at him.
“Well, you know how you said I ought to talk with Luna about, like… expectations and things?” he said. “I kind of… forgot. And now we’re kind of talking past each other and I thought you could help.”
“Expectations?” Wes frowned.
“Yes,” Goldenstar nodded, “for their relationship.” She seemed mildly disappointed and Floodstrike felt his shoulders sagging apologetically.
“Their relationship?” Wes repeated again, this time sounding suspicious.
“Mhm,” said Luna. “Floodstrike and I are mates now.”
“What?” Wes looked at her in shock before he quickly pivoted to fixing Floodstrike with a stern glare.
“That’s the problem,” Floodstrike said, “I thought we were just friends!”
“But we-” Luna pouted on the verge of tears again. “We were… intimate. Just friends don’t do that!” She blushed again, glancing at Wes. His presence seemed to be extremely uncomfortable for her. Wes scowled at Floodstrike as if he had threatened her.
“Sure they do,” Floodstrike felt extremely confused again.
“I think I see the issue,” Goldenstar sighed. “The city has very different ideas about intimacy than we do so you both have very different understandings of what it meant when you had sex.” Luna blushed brightly at the phrase.
“Miss Luna,” Wes said, “if this young man took advantage of you-”
“No, no!” Luna shook her head fervently, “It was my idea, I promise!” She reached up on her tiptoes to try and get onto Wes’s eye level. “I practically had to beg him, please don’t be mad.”
Wes frowned, his eyes twitching over her face for a good long moment before he sighed and said, “Alright. I just wish you’d thought about this more. This kinda thing, it has- it’s not to be done lightly.”
“So, Luna,” Goldenstar cut back in, trying to smile invitingly, “I’m gonna start by asking you about what you think your relationship with Floodstrike means, then I’m going to ask him what he thinks. I want you both to try not to interrupt the other while they’re talking. I’m going to help you sort things out once you’ve both had a chance to talk, okay?”
“Okay,” Luna nodded, chewing her lip. Floodstrike nodded too, trying to take a deep slow breath. Goldenstar was here. It was going to be alright.
“Great,” said Goldenstar, settling down and curling her tail over her paws. “So tell me, when you imagined how things would go, what did it look like?”
Luna sniffled and shuffled her paws and said, “Well, I mean, I thought he was going to be there for me, like a proper mate, especially since… um…” She glanced sidelong at Wes with big wet eyes.
“Since…?” Goldenstar prompted.
“Since I’m… well…” Luna looked away, blushing again.
“Pregnant,” Floodstrike said, just wanting to get this awkwardness over with already. Wes’s scowl darkened again.
“I see,” Goldenstar frowned too. Now it was Floodstrike’s turn to wilt in shame. “When you say ‘a proper mate’ what does that mean to you?”
“I don’t know,” Luna shrugged defensively, “He’d bring me food, protect me, we’d be best friends. And I’d raise the kits and support him.” She shrugged again. “And, I don’t know, maybe he might eventually come to live with me and my Folk.”
That hit Floodstrike like a monster. “What?!” The idea was borderline offensive! “I’m not gonna be a kittypet!” Luna’s lip quivered and Wes laid his tail protectively over her back, still scowling.
“Floodstrike, let’s calm down a bit, okay?” said Goldenstar. “Why don’t you tell me what you were picturing?”
Floodstrike shrugged. “Uh, I don’t know,” he said, looking guiltily at Luna, “I thought we were just having fun. I didn’t realize it was, like… serious.”
Wes sighed. “These things are very serious, son.” Floodstrike balked at the term but Wes continued. “It ain’t honorable to take advantage of a lady like that.”
“But I didn’t take advantage of her!” he protested, “She said so already!” Goldenstar laid her tail over one of his paws but it wasn’t enough to stop him from getting worked up. How was he the bad guy here?
“You might not have meant to,” said Wes, “but usin’ a girl for pleasure and then leavin’ her t’deal with the consequences on her own, it ain’t right.”
“Like I said,” Goldenstar seemed to be making an effort to stay the calm one in the situation, “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. In the Clans, there’s no shame in having casual sex like that, especially not shame that falls more on any one gender. Plenty of cats raise kits on their own and are happy to do so. Stars, Ospreymask has been trying to get pregnant for moons and she’s never had any interest in a long term partner.”
“Well, that’s swell for her,” Wes said, starting to bristle, “but it ain’t like that in the city. Havin’ kits is a commitment. Cats who fool around are…” he stopped himself, as if he’d just remembered Luna was listening to him. “It’s irresponsible to treat somethin’ so sacred as a… a cheap thrill!” He twitched an ear to shake off the idea which had clearly unsettled him.
“Sacred?” Floodstrike was even more confused now.
“Yes, sacred!” Luna sniffled, “It’s a holy bond! A gift from the Folk!”
“That’s crazy!” Floodstrike laughed in disbelief.
“Floodstrike,” Goldenstar didn’t manage to interrupt him in time and grimaced. “Let’s be respectful. Clearly this is very important to them.”
“It is,” sniffled Luna. “I thought you were gonna take care of me a-and our kits!”
“And I’m sure Floodstrike is very sorry that he didn’t communicate his intentions clearly from the start, right?” Goldenstar looked back at him with a prompting nod.
“Yeah,” he said, feeling like a leaf drifting down the river. “I’m really sorry, Luna.”
“But you’re not going to step up and do the right thing,” Wes said, a statement more than a question.
“The ‘right thing’ is subjective,” Goldenstar frowned. “If there’s something specific that Luna needs, maybe Floodstrike can help with it, but he shouldn’t have to commit to a relationship just because he got her pregnant.”
Luna started crying again and Wes pulled her close against his side with a defensive glare at the Clan cats. “I’m disappointed in you,” he said, “both of you. I thought you were better than this.”
“Floodstrike was careless,” Goldenstar said firmly, “but he isn’t being cruel. Relationships are messy. It’s an unfortunate situation but you can’t expect him to agree to a commitment he didn’t realize was expected of him.”
“I guess not,” scoffed Wes. “Come on, Miss Luna, let me walk you home.”
“O-okay,” Luna cried into his shoulder, staring at Floodstrike with the most miserable expression he’d ever seen. Despite Goldenstar’s insistence that he wasn’t doing anything wrong in the moment, his stomach still writhed with guilt like he’d swallowed angry snakes. Goldenstar let out a disappointed sigh as the two kittypets disappeared into the undergrowth.
“I’m sorry it went down like that, bud,” she said.
“It’s my own fault for not talking about it beforehand,” he sighed.
“Well, she should have done the same,” said Goldenstar. “You share the blame equally and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. They’re making this into a way bigger deal than it has to be.”
“Why, though?” he looked at her with pleading eyes. “Why are they so… weird about this stuff in the city?! First they have rules about only being mates with ‘opposite genders’ and now they’re acting like we broke some kind of code just because I don’t wanna become a kittypet or whatever!”
“I don’t know, bud,” sighed Goldenstar again. “They’ve got some… complicated traditions, to be sure. Come on, let’s go back to the celebration. You’ll feel better when you’re with friends.”
Floodstrike hesitated. “I dunno. Fishtrick and Fernspeckle are gonna tease me so bad. I think I’m just gonna go home.”
“If you’re sure…” she said with a sympathetic smile.
“Yeah, I am,” he said. The break in festivities had left enough room for thoughts about Lakepaw to slip back into his mind and the idea of going right back to pretending like everything was fine just felt wrong.
“Alright,” she said, rubbing her nose against his ear. “You let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will.” He took the long way around the crowd, tail dragging in the dirt. The laughter and celebration around him only served to make him feel more alone. He had no doubt Fishtrick was going to tell every cat she could about the news. He wanted to peel his skin off in embarrassment.
And he wanted to make Luna understand that it was gonna be okay. He didn’t want her to think of him as some kind of deadbeat like Ghost. He liked her! He just didn’t like her enough to be exclusive or anything. Was that so wrong? Should he at least try it, for her sake?
The thoughts were clouding around his head as he walked through the ferns until a voice shook him from his stupor.
“Floodstrike? Why are you sad?”
He looked up to find Fogpaw trailing after him. “Oh, uh…” He swallowed and said, “I dunno. Lots of reasons.”
“Oh.” Fogpaw said. There was a pause, then, “Do you want me to walk with you?”
“Yeah,” Floodstrike said, realizing he did as he said it. He stretched out his tail in invitation and she trotted quickly to affix herself to his side.
“Man, when did you get so big?” he groaned.
“I’m almost twelve moons old!” she laughed. “Why does everyone keep forgetting?”
“‘Cause we don’t wanna think about how old we’re getting.”
“You’re not that old,” she scrunched her nose in confusion. “You’re barely half a year older than me.”
“Ew!” he groaned even louder. “Don’t remind me!”
She laughed again and rammed her head against his shoulder fondly. They walked in silence for a moment, the noise of the celebration fading behind them.
His smile faded too and he eventually managed to say, “Hey, I’m sorry about earlier, with Fishtrick. I shouldn’t have sent you away.”
“Why did you?” she asked quietly.
“‘Cause…” How could he say this without hurting her feelings? “‘Cause I’m dumb and I didn’t want you to embarrass me in front of Fishtrick.”
“Why would I embarrass you?” she frowned.
He grimaced again. “I dunno, Fishtrick just likes to laugh at people and I didn’t want her to laugh at me because I’m friends with you.”
“But why would she do that?” Fogpaw pressed. “Is that what was funny before? Were you guys laughing at me?”
“Yeah,” he said and cleared his throat to try and get rid of the lump in it. “I’m sorry, Fogpaw. That was fox-hearted of me.” He couldn’t look at her, only on the stones that were starting to replace the undergrowth as they neared the river crossing.
After a long quiet moment, she said, “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
He let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, kiddo.”
“I’m not a kid,” she huffed and he laughed again.
“Maybe not technically,” he said, “but you’ll always be younger than me and that makes you a kiddo.”
“That’s dumb,” snorted Fogpaw. “If I’m a kiddo, then you’re an elder.”
“Ew! Do not call me that!”
“Whatever you say, old man,” she smiled innocently and he shook his head with laughter.
“Dammit, your mentor taught you too well.”
“Yeah,” Fogpaw sighed fondly and they fell into silence together, walking back to camp under the stars.