It always starts like this.
The equation is simple, Kazuki = Gunwoo. They huddle together, the two scraps of little boys they once were, and Gunwoo can’t help but think this is all he has in the world, bundled up in his small arms. It should be safety and warmth, because after all, Kazuki’s his lifeline—the only way he’s securely tethered to the ground after all these years. He grips him as tight as he can and doesn’t let go.
But in this stupid dream (a fucking nightmare, really), he never manages to hold on. Kazuki is always tugging, tugging, and there is only so much little Gunwoo can take. In the end, he always finds Kazuki’s shadow sprinting away out the edge of his line of sight.
So here’s what it actually is: blind panic, gripping fear. Because no matter how loud Gunwoo shouts, or how fast he runs, he never catches up. Always almost, almost there, fingers brushing his shoulder—yet, Kazuki remains just barely out of his reach, every time.
The dreams come sporadically, but they never change. He always ends up waking in cold sweat, heart thumping, and a little hollower than he actually feels, because—
Kazuki always leaves in the end.
—"Fuck," Gunwoo rasps, jolting awake with sheer panic broiling in his chest. He's shaking, he knows he is, but the disconnect between him and his limbs is jarring and he barely realises he’s the one trembling.
“Fuck,” he repeats, running shaky fingers through his hair. His breaths are ragged and shallow in the raw fear. So it’s only when Gunwoo notes the warm figure by his side that he almost collapses in relief, hands scrabbling to grasp the material of Kazuki’s shirt and haphazardly burying his face into his chest. “‘Zuki. Oh my god. You’re here, you’re here.”
And, Jesus, Gunwoo pretends there isn’t a newfound wetness in his eyes from how real it all feels. All he can seem to do is mumble Kazuki’s name incoherently, eyes shut tight, fingers grasping at as much of Kazuki he can find.
Yet, all that runs through his head is: please don’t ever fucking leave me.
(He doesn’t know what he’d do if he ever lost him for good.)
