“i don’t know what’s up with them lately.” prompto pouted crossing his arms, observing his s/o. lately, prompto has been getting injuries more often and his s/o completely just started ignoring him, “they just ignoring me!” prompto whined as noctis looked at his s/o.
“you sure you didn’t do anything to anger them?” noctis asked with raised eyebrows, prompto’s s/o playing in the flower field, “i don’t know what i did..” prompto trailed off fiddling with his bandage around his arm.
“i’m sure you didn’t do anything.” gladio reassured, patting prompto’s back, “hey iggy!” “hm?” ignis hummed indirecting he was listening.
“you’re they childhood friend, right? can you talk to them for me, please? if i do it, they’ll ignore me.” prompto pleaded, nocts facepalming at the pleading boy, ignis sighed closing the book he was reading. “i guess i can talk to them.” prompto cheered at ignis’s answer.
“thank you, iggy!” said person nodded heading towards the h/c, ‘time to find out what i did.’ prompto thought, engaging himself into conversations with the 2 other boys, waiting for ignis to come back with the answer.
₍ '𖦹 ˕ 🍙 ᨒ IGNIS’S
“why are you avoiding your boyfriend?” i asked, y/n sighing, placing the flower crown onto their lap, “nothing-“ “it’s clearly nothing if your boyfriend is whining about it.” i cut them off, them staying silent.
“why do you care?” they asked continuing their flower crown, “i’m not the one, prompto is. he’s been all down and that’s pretty much a rare thing to happen.” “iggy, you probably know already.” y/n answered putting back their white and black gloves. “i’m just scared of losing him. his been getting more injuries lately and i’m getting scared that one day his gonna leave!”
“so, i’m trying my best to avoid him, so i won’t have to beat myself up when he dies without me!” they explained burying their face into their hands, “i just don’t wanna lose him like i did with her…” i closed my eyes remembering the pain and despair in their eyes when their love and laughter was found dead.
they committed is all i have to say. small tears escaped y/n’s eyes as i pulled them into a side hug letting their tears stain my shirt, “please tell him i’m sorry.” i looked down to him, “i think it’s better you do it face-to-face, he’s been missing his comfort.” i lightly smiled to them as they returned the gesture.
“yeah, i will… soon.”
“supper’s ready!” ignis called everybody, placing the food down as everyone dug in, ‘i should do it when his finish.’ i thought, not feeling the eyes burning into me.
after everybody was done to which was fast, i quickly grabbed prompto’s wrist, dragging him to the other side where no one could find us. “wah! y/n, what was that for?” i shuffled feet as prompto looked at me concerned, “i just wanted to say… i’m sorry. for avoiding you.” i said awkwardly, scratching my mape.
he grinned, patting my head, “it’s fine!” i smiled at him before it disappeared again, “just.. promise me something.” “hm? what is it?” “stop getting yourself in so much danger, please, i don’t want to lose you.” i continued as prompto’s eyes widened.
never have he known that was the reason they’ve been ignoring him recently, they didn’t want him to keep putting himself in danger, “hey y/n…” they sniffled, wiping the small tears away as prompto chuckled at it.
“stop crying, i promise i’ll stop putting myself in danger just answer this one question… ignis told me, you had someone else before me a long time ago, what happened?” prompto asked wiping the extra tears away.
“her name was isa, she was a beautiful girl, had short brown hair and purple eyes, i loved her with every fibre over my body but then.. she died. i found her dead in her room, we were going to have a date but she killed herself, the last thing she gave me was her guitar along with a note saying, “it’s not your time to day, not ever, not now… it’s yours now.”
y/n broke down, clutching onto prompto’s shirt as he looked down at his s/o other in pity. “hey, hey, look at me. i promise, i won’t ever leave you, promise me you will never leave me, m’kay? the past is the past, isa would’ve loved seeing you here today, so promise?”
now that day was the day y/n faced the past they thought will haunt them today, promising their newly lover a promising choice but like people say promises are meant to be broken…
Hint the oc is me. This is kinda paired with the post I made earlier you don’t need to read that to read this. But due to the nature of this with the self harm and such I am okay if you don’t read it and skip over it for those who I tagged and those who come across it on my dash. It’s more for my personal relief to get it out of me. I did not fall to self harm today, despite I had moments of it but I didn’t. (go me) I don’t go into super detail about the wounds or blood if you are curious, it’s more of the raw emotions and feels of it all.
“She’s done it again.” Noctis said softly, padding out of the bathroom of a hotel in Lestallum.
“What?” Gladiolus’ voice was first to rise from the quietness of the calm night, it had been a long day of them traveling around they needed a break from this havoc.
“Her legs. . .it’s bad.” The young prince said softly, wiping some blood off of his hands.
“Is that blood?” Prompto asked, putting his phone down, blue eyes wide with shock.
The King’s Shield was up to his feet in moments once he saw the blood on Noctis, it wasn’t his but his girlfriend’s blood. His heart beating madly in his chest as he made it past Noctis moving to the bathroom looking in the small room. Noctis had her wrapped up in one of the softest towels her pale legs, covered in blood as she was shaking terribly.
“I thought she was doing better?” Gladiolus whispered as his heart was pounding in his chest, not knowing what to do, it broke his heart to see her like this.
“I thought so. . .she’s been smiling a lot so I thought things were better.” Prompto replied softly, not wanting her to hear, to feel guilty about it he understood what was bothering her.
“This is ridiculous. . .” Gladiolus muttered darkly under his breath as he pushed into the bathroom as Ignis came back into the room.
Hearing the tromp of boots, I took in a shaky breath it was Gladiolus. . .I could recognize that strong scent of leather and cedar. I curled inward to myself, leaning forward my long black hair curtaining around my face covering my startled expression.
Of course he would be first to come in - to confront me for what I did, again. To yell at me. To chastise me. To tell me he doesn’t want to be with me any longer that next time I would end up killing myself. That I need to leave the group that my skills are not needed.
That I was useless.
That I was not his girl, that I couldn’t be his girl ever if I fell from grace and harmed myself like this.
I started to cry at the thoughts that rushed through my head at a fast pace that made me start to hiccup through the tears. I dug my short nails into my knees tearing at the scratches that were already there, surprising that short nails could do such damage but they could. Panting heavily, shaking, rocking my body back and forth the tears just flowing down my face so easily, skin ripping open as more blood flood down my legs. Crimson rivers matching the salty tears flowing down my face like streams. I couldn’t look over to him, he was so perfect and I was so flawed I couldn’t be one for him. My anxiety was so high at the moment that I couldn’t handle being near him, I loved him so much that I handle it. But I wasn’t worthy of it.
I am not worthy of any of their love or their kindness.
Not the way that Noctis knows when I’m feeling depressed even though I lie through my pearly whites. Not the way that Prompto knows the right angle to take a picture so I don’t feel uncomfortable about my weight in photos. Not the way Gladiolus holds me at night, whispering in my ear how much he needs me and how much he loves me. Not the way that Ignis sees that my mania is appearing and finds things for me to do that keeps it from going out of hand.
I’m just a waste of space.
I’m not a human.
I am filth.
The sound I heard, made it worse the guilt worse.
I heard a sob.
Freezing in spot, white knuckled as my fingers dug deep into my flesh, as I heard the door slam against the wall as Gladiolus knelt before me grabbing my wrists in one hand pulling them away. With his free hand Gladiolus pulled on the wash cloth off the basin, a few tear drops falling from the giant of a man in front of me, hitting the washcloth. His large hands shaking, the one that cleaned up my fingers getting the blood off it, getting the small scraps of skin out from under the nails.
“Iggy -- com--e he--re.” Gladiolus choked out a order, his voice sounding broken. “Get som-e p---otions.”
“No, -- don’t wa--ste thin--gs like th-at on me, it’s poi--ntless I’m not w-orth the Gil.” I sobbed brokenly as I stared up at the shocked expression on Ignis’ face, those emerald green eyes wide with fear. Distaste.
Ignis turned around leaving the room heading to the pack that carried the potions and restoratives. Noctis coming into the room and Prompto leaning over his shoulder, there was tears running down the blonds face.
“Let’s get the towel damp that will help clean things up some.”
“Use your magic on her Noct.” Gladiolus barked at Noctis who reached down to grab at the washcloth.
“She won’t let me.” He responds, ignoring the rough tone his Shield took with him, his emotions were getting the better of him, he would address it later.
“I don’t care if she doesn’t want you to or not this is more than what a potion can handle.”
“Please Gladiolus please stop. . .just that is too much for Noctis it takes a lot out of him to do so. I’m not worth it.”
“GOD DAMNIT JIN YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL.” Gladiolus turned back to me shouting at me the tears that fell from his eyes, made those passionate amber more intense as he stared up at me.
My heart cracked further, the sob that escaped my mouth as I slid off the closed lid of the toilet wrapping my arms around his neck scraping my torn legs more as I slid them against the dirtied floor burying my face in his neck as I cried. I know I shouldn’t be this close, I know I don’t deserve the skin to skin contact it’s not right to feel this way. To feel the love emanating from Gladiolus as he wrapped his arms around my back holding me close.
Situating me on his lap Gladiolus got comfortable and lifted my legs up placing my feet on the lid of the toilet. Prompto came in behind Gladiolus along with Ignis who handed off some potions to Gladiolus.
“Here have something to drink, okay - it’s Choco-cola I know you like it.” Prompto said handing me a can of soda, a straw sticking out of it.
“Thanks Prompto. . .” I said wearily, taking the bright yellow can from him, hands shaking.
“Use both hands, don’t want you spilling it, last can I have you know? Was saving it but you are more important than my sugar craving.” Prompto said leaning forward cupping my other hand against the can.
“I don’t want to take your last one though. . .share?” I said, staring at the can then over to his bright blue eyes.
Prompto knew I would feel guilty if I did drink his last one all knowing all to well about my lack of self-worth.
“Of course, we can share.” He said sweetly taking the can from my hands taking a sip himself.
Squishing himself in the small bathroom Ignis moved in between Prompto and myself, looking up at me trying to read my expression. Gladiolus finished cleaning up my legs, gentle brushing of the wet cloth soft humming in my ear. It was a soft little song he heard from long ago something about wind beneath his his wings. Ignis uncapped the potion, the light green liquid bringing a slight bitter smell to nose. My nose was stuffy from crying but the smell was strong enough that even my dulled senses could make grasp of it. Taking the towel that had fallen from my shoulders Ignis got it damp from the potion and rubbed my leg as Gladiolus buried his face in the crook of my neck again. Noctis handed another potion to Ignis from the door way as there wasn’t much room for him to be there now, Prompto handed the soda back to me.
“I thought you were feeling better, Jin.” Gladiolus finally spoke up his voice rough from his own crying, his own personal turmoil.
“I was. . .I just woke up feeling like everything just felt wrong everything out of place. I feel so useless. . .my skills aren’t that good my White Mage skills aren’t quite up to par. I feel like I weigh you guys down with my slowness. I just feel horrid. The only thing that feels right is ripping open the scratches, it feels good once the skin breaks open the pain that rushes through me feels good.” I answered Gladiolus.
“You know that is far from the truth?” Ignis spoke up drying my legs off as the healing properties of the potions took affect a light green haze surrounding them as the cuts started to heal.
“I don’t feel like it is. . .” I comment as Gladiolus placed a few soft kisses to my neck moving my hair out of the way.
“You are one of the promising mages I’ve seen specially starting at such a late time in life you are fantastic.” Noctis supplied a soft concerned smile on his face, brushing some long strands of black hair out of his eyes.
“You are quite funny too, always cracking me up with your sarcasm. Plus you are the quickest to heal anyone in battle.” Prompto piped up cheerfully giving me a winning smile.
“I have to support you guys no matter what. . .”
“Jin it’s been a immense help that you have joined in our group, your talents in cooking has helped me greatly. I feel comfortable of having you on the field knowing you can handle yourself when anything comes at us. Plus you are the only one that can truly put up with Gladio.” Ignis commented soft, a hand resting on my calf thumb rubbing so patterns on my pale, scarred skin.
“I love you so much, you realize this? You are worth more than all the riches in the vault, I look forward to spending each day with you. The way you smile at me each morning, despite my groggy sleepy face is staring at you, hair all messed up and morning breath, you kiss me all over wrapping your arms around me holding me tight. Wishing me a good morning, your beautiful body a place for me to worship nightly.” Gladiolus said hugging me tightly peppering me with kisses on my neck and shoulder.
“I would be so lost without you I wouldn’t know what to do. You complete me in ways I didn’t know was incomplete.” Gladiolus added, slowly getting to his feet with me in his arms still.
Prompto helped support me as Gladiolus set me to my feet, I wobbled a little as they were sore from all the intense abuse they just went through. Ignis got to his feet, a hand on my shoulder as he massaged his fingers around the tense muscles. With his chest pressed against my back Gladiolus slowly brought me to the living room in moments I was surrounded by all of them pulling me into a full body hug.
“What would you like to do for the rest of the day? It’s too rainy outside to do much so we should just relax.” Noctis offered, as he pulled away giving me a reassuring smile.
“Can we have a movie night then? Push the beds together and make snacks and watch some good flicks?”
“Sounds like a plan baby-girl. What movie?” Gladiolus asked leading me to the bed. “You sit here and direct okay?”
“Okay,” I say as I get onto one of the bed as Noctis and Gladiolus pushed the beds all together so we all could curl up and watch a movie together. “How about Jurassic Park? I have it on my phone we can hook it up to the t.v.”
“Oh I’m on that!” Prompto said reaching for the phone pulling up the device smirking at the goofy photo of Gladiolus and I as the backdrop.
“Snacks?” Ignis asked.
“Popcorn, hot chocolate, coffee, nachos and those peanut butter cups from the shop we got earlier.” I suggested a smile coming to my face at the thought of it all.
Within a half hour all of us were curled up on the beds, I was nestled in between Gladiolus’ legs resting my back against his broad chest as his arms wrapped around my waist, chin resting on the top of my head. I held the massive bowl of popcorn and a cup of coffee. All the food was passed around and enjoyed as the movie started to play.
Everything was starting to feel right again, everything was going to be okay as long as I had them with me. As long as they supported me when I was at my worse just like I did when they were at their worse. I loved them all so much.
(Gif from Adrian Bouchet // Stuart - Dying and Other Superpowers (Short Film - 2012) )
A/N: This gif gave me a lot of feels and the song Hate You by 2NE1 fit the feels that went with it. This happens before Kingsglaive - is taken place on the eve of Titus’ village being destroyed in the war. So this is right before he picks up the name Glauca. (Got the info from the FF15 Wikia)
Enjoyed that? Why not feed my caffeine addiction? Ko-Fi!
-’My memories with you, consist only of memories waiting for you. No matter how much I put up with it, and put up with it, it wouldn’t end. I-I wanted to hear those words, “I love you”. Your unconcerned love, I grew tired of it.’-
Standing by the window of our one bedroom flat, a hand resting on my swollen stomach I stared out the window of our home on the northeastern islands of the Cavaugh Region. It was cold and frigid here unlike my home in the south regions of EOS where it was always warm in Cauthess. Upon meeting Titus Drautos I fell for him hard and quick, way before I realized that it was a passing fancy. I picked up my meager possessions and I moved all the way to the northern islands to be with him to fawn after him.
His strong being, his kind behavior, chivalrous ways drew me to him to learn that it was just a front made to make me fall for him. But each day I stayed in his home I made myself believe that he would say those words I longed for just three little words. He showed them in small ways, bringing home food, paying bills, taking me shopping, holding me close at night. But he never spoke the words.
My ears longed for them.
-’It feels terrible I threw all my pride away, I’m sad, is this all I’m worth? I’m worried, now, of the four-letter word, LOVE. I’m scared, you’re hilarious.’-
My life I left behind in Cauthess was perhaps not fantastic but it was mine, I worked a my family restaurant and I a pillar in the community. I dropped it all for him, for the moment of love he offered me, the kind words of appreciation to my being.
I wasn’t allowed to leave the home without his permission, he always said it was because of the others would hate a foreigner. They would find my naturally olive skin far from normal, my dark eyes too exotic, my accent too strange. It made me sad that I could not spread my heritage to them that I could not learn from them only what Titus taught me. So I clung to every word he spoke, the words that fell from his lips, the sound of his beautiful voice resounding in my ears.
My ears longed for those four letters.
I’m so scared of the day you say it my love Titus, so afraid to hear you say what I long to hear. It’s quite funny.
-’You really suck. I have no reason to see you, this world is filled with guys like you. You s-s-suck, your flaws are countless. To just put up with it and love you, is a waste of time.’-
“Darling, Y/N what are you doing staring out the window so morosely? I brought home some dinner for us, you said your heart burn was bothering a lot from the little one kicking. This suppose to help with that.” Titus asked walking into the small house, the smell of freshly grilled anak meat and rosemary filled the room.
He was always so kind to me even though there was always such restrictions, the kind touches, the tender look in his eyes the kind actions. It sucks he can’t say the words, it makes me feel like I’m a fixture here and not a person.
“You are so flawed.” I said in a hoarse tone of voice as he walked over to me, placing the food on the table beside us.
His large body pressing against my back as his right hand snaked around my side cupping my swollen stomach feeling our child pressing their hand against his, trusting him. His left hand tangling up in my dark hair, his nose nuzzling against my head he let out a soft sigh. The way his chest rose and fell against my back, was oddly comforting like he was real and I wasn’t just a doll. The way his hand pressed against our child in my stomach made me feel like he cared about me and love me. Moments like this was so sweet and a endearing, reminding me of the man I fell in love with back in Cauthess.
“I am but a man, darling of course I am flawed. I am not a Astral. . .that is worthy of praise. I am not perfect none of us mortals are, not even you my darling.” HE said softly, his voice a low murmur in my ear as his large fingers carded through my hair, brushing softly against my ears.
“I put up with this daily, Titus I feel so neglected so lost here. I want to go outside I want to learn from the others. I want you to feel the same way about me that I do for you.”
“Darling. . .”
“I feel like it is a waste of time, Titus.”
His hand cupped my stomach a bit firmly making me squirm against his touch as I tried to relieve the pressure not wanting any harm to come to our child. Placing my hand against his pushing it away, instead he gripped my hand lacing fingers in with mine. My breath hitched in my throat, my hand felt so small against his, the strong fingers gripping my hand in a comforting hold set my heart racing.
“It is not a waste of time, we created a life together a blessing into this world.”
“Do you even care for me?” I asked, flicking eyes up to him, head tilting up looking up at him staring into his green eyes.
I could sense his tension as his massive body straightened against mine as he listened to what I had to say. Letting out a deep sigh, Titus Drautos wrapped his arms around me resting them calmly on my stomach. His nose burying into the crook of my neck, placing tender kisses to my skin.
“It is just a word, darling.” He said in a husky tone after a few minutes.
“It means a the world to mean - to everyone to hear that from someone they love. I love you so much Titus, I left my hometown for you, I am giving you a life.”
“If I say it darling then what is going to happen today will make it worse on you.”
“What?” I asked spinning around roughly turning to face him, instantly unsure of what he was talking about.
“I have to leave. . .the war is coming this way we are under attack the south most islands are under attack. We are next we, darling I must leave.”
“You are leaving us?” I questioned, tears flowing down my face, lower lip quivering as my heart dropped, my head aching with pain.
-’Hate you eh eh eh eh eh. I’m fine living without you. Hate you eh eh eh eh eh. I’m fine living without you.’-
“I need to leave, there are some things I must do I need to put a end to all of this pointless warring.” Titus replied, reaching out for me hands on my arms rubbing up and down trying to comfort me.
“What about me?” I asked, voice warbling as I couldn’t keep the fear out of my voice, body shaking.
“I have a spot for you that will be safe, you will have to go with a woman I know Altius is her name. She’s coming tonight to take you away from all of this.”
“I don’t want to leave you. . .I love you.”
“You have to go with her you can’t stay with me it will not be safe for the two of you the only place is with her.”
“I hate you Titus Drautos.” I said angrily, pounding my fists on his chest as I cried. “I don’t want to live without you.”
“You will do just fine without me caging you like a songbird, my love. Goodbye my love.” Titus said kissing my lips softly, cupping the side of my face.
